May 4th, 2004

hit it

just to feel something

hmm, cant seem to sleep right now. things keep floatin round my headin bout everything thats been happenin this week. my poor brain has been overthinkin things again. the main thing thats been on my mind is stuff with connie and i. i really hate how jealous i have become, and to be honest, if it was the reverse i wud get really pissed off at the fact that i wud think my gf didnt trust me. but the shit with this guy from faceparty makes me really uncomfortable... i mean comeon, how wud u feel if ur gf came to ur house to be with u, and this guys name kept poppin into the conversations AND rite when ur feelin really close to her, she goes and give that guy her fuckin phone number rite in-fucking-front of u and u just sit there thinkin to urself "wtf". ever since that happened yesterday, and i saw how they spoke, i just thought to myself im soo gonna get the biggest fuckin heart break in this relationship and i KNOW IT. connies gonna find someone else whos better for her and makes her happy, and im just gonna be soo fuckin devastated my heart may never recover. i wish sometimes we hadnt had met, so when this do go wrong i dont have to think about the fact about how i found love and it didnt want me :(. i really do hope that connie and i wud stay together and live up to our presumptions... coz that wud be it for me, and i cud just live life to fullest and enjoy the ride until the day i die. hmm, feels better to just chat shit on this thing sometimes, just coz cant really bring this up with anyone else. i know connie might read this one day, but mayb then things with my jealousy might wud have improved.
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