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melodies listening to their own music [Nov. 7th, 2008|02:23 am]
its when you hear
those melodies empty
themselves in a spiral
down your ear
and make some awkward
connection to a moment
with your mind,
you realize how how much
you get sidetracked in
getting to know everything
about someone
because they show a small
interest in you.
call it insecurity,
or a sad excuse to be in love,
but you're learning lessons
kid and its about time
you got use to all these
secrets you've been spilling
about lovers that don't
know how to be tangible.

make them where a better
shade of who they really
because the carbon copy
of them seems to like
you more than the original
and i don't think you know
how to love the one made
of flesh and bones.

ask yourself when a dream
started to breath,
and how it felt when it
grew lungs and a heart
in the sake of being with
you for awhile.

if we weren't so tired of
trying to make a point,
we'd try to wake up from
all this sleeping in
different worlds in exchange
for loving strangers you
forget to know.

so wake up kid
and learn to teach your
heart a lesson on
forgetting people you
never knew well enough to love.
because your brain has
got its framed pictures
of no one and its suitcase
stuffed with forgetfulness
and has planning to disconnect
from you since it taught
what your heart was really for.
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taylor, you need to call me from heaven [Jul. 8th, 2007|07:19 am]
i miss my best friend.
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i need you more than ever now. [Jun. 30th, 2007|01:32 pm]
your not something i want to deal with right now.
your something new that i don't have the time to sort out
and im afraid that i've hurt you already
and we aren't even together.

i'd rather spend the rest of my life at sea.
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i can see this being my future. [Feb. 19th, 2007|04:30 pm]
i have a feeling im going to be one of those people that end up reading to children and having to pass out candy to them.

kid: Hey mister, what's in the bag?"

me: Its candy, the school paid for it.

Kid: what else is in it?

Me: nothing else, just that, candy.

Kid: are you sure? my mother says candy is made by the devil and gay people.

Me: well im sure your mother would no alot about the devil billy, considering she fucks him every sunday.


some whiney kid will annoy me and tell me what a failure i am b/c that's what we are teaching kids today and im going to snap.

Kid: your ugly and fat.

Me: johnny, that's not very nice.

Kid: i hate you. im going to laugh when you die.

Me: Johnny, that's not called for.

Kid: my mommy says that im super good and smart and nice.

Me: are you sure about that?

Kid: YEAH! and im hungry. i want some food! what does my mommy pay you for anyway nigger.

Me: well johnny, i've got something for you.

Kid: [excited] what is it?"

Me: Come really close and i'll show you.

the kid will get really close to me and then..


Kid: OUCH!! what'd you do that for?!

Me: oh, im sorry johnny, i thought you said you were hungry. i was just giving you a nice warm helping of go fuck yourself, you didn't like it?
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memory lane is one road i always get lost on [Feb. 4th, 2007|10:20 pm]
i was looking back at one of my old lj's
and it kind of caught me off guard at how emotional
and dramatic i was.
it was like nothing could get worse in my life at that point,
my writing was alot better i think though.
What was it that made me think life was so bad back then?
i guess its just the idea that these feelings you have
when your younger aren't sincere.

As I was reading i noticed that nearly all of my entries
were about me feeling alone and unwanted.
And even though i've gotten older and have gained a sense
of humor for the things that i "thought" upset me,
i don't think everything has really changed.

i think in some degree i still feel alone and unwanted
and maybe its b/c i don't say it alot anymore,
maybe its because i just feel like im wasting my life away
saying those words,
like some emo child of today,
but regardless, that feeling of being incomplete and feeling
like you wish you could find someone hasn't left me.

its funny, i'm not the same person that i use to be,
but im still effected by the same things.
i guess somethings you never truly outgrow.
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movie times [Jan. 11th, 2007|11:22 pm]
i sometimes feel like my life is a movie heading for a collision, that's running out of film,
and im caught playing the director,

and being left as the actor.
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at your best, you want to be loved [Dec. 26th, 2006|11:21 am]
john legend is pretty fucking amazing.
i can't stop playing his cd.
something about it makes me want to sing.
he's the only R&B i can listen to nowadays that's not
about how much of a pimp you are even though im cheating on
you again.

that and Aaliyah, but life has a funny way of taking out the things
you love. i miss her music.

its funny how as you sit back and allow the melodies to take you
over they bring you to places you thought you'd outgrown,
you thought you made peace with.
its almost as if its your own private radio,
playing out the songs that you never wanted to know,
and your left feeling quite alone,
because the world now knows everything you tried to hide
and has left you there to recover what it caused to collide.

"she only loves the stereo"

goodnight world. i'll see you tomorrow.
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blowing through all the dust [Nov. 27th, 2006|12:58 am]
look for inspiration in all the awful places
" and so it is, just like you said it would be, life goes easy on me, most of the time"

im not sure what's wrong about today,
or tonight,
or in general really.

i find myself wanting to just go to sleep,
and hope tomorrow seems better,
i find myself living like that nowadays.
I just sleep and hope when i wake up the
world will seem a bit brighter.
but i'd never show it.
i don't want people thinking there's something wrong
when im not even sure i have an answer to it.
this is me talking myself out of being depressed.
this is the part where i change everything about myself
to feel better.

chemical reactions.
light a fuse and watch something happen.
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(no subject) [Nov. 6th, 2006|01:37 am]
life keeps wanting you to change something about yourself,
and you say you don't exist,
and life argues and says you do,
and you say prove it,
and life says look at all the mistakes you've made,
and you say well i did just as many error free things,
and life says maybe you don't exist,
and you say now that we got that straight, may i go do what i want,
and all life can say is " alright"
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(no subject) [Nov. 1st, 2006|08:50 pm]
[Current Mood |disappointed]

death looks you in the face,
the rest of the world trembles in fear,
and your friends beg you to run,
your family tells you to look away,
and religion says its alright,
God says take head,
the Devil smiles and says "what say you?"
and Death bids them all to hush and looks at me,

and all you can respond with is
"what took you so long?"
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