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Wed, Jun. 13th, 2007, 10:48 pm
MASSIVE update

Yes. I've neglected this.
I've neglected a lot of things, a lot of people
Mostly inadvertantly..

Well all thats about to change.


I don't have the guy of my dreams anymore.
I want what he gave me.
But not him.
Not like how it was.
Not like that.
It was fucked.
I feel fucked.
I hurt him.
6 months later and he tells me this:

"The thing that is getting to me most? Is how I feel. Amy, I'm still so in love with you. My feelings havn't gone at all. In fact, they are even stronger if anything. I miss you all the time. And I want you :( I wanna be able to hold you, kiss you, be with you. I loveyou so much its insane. And I don't know how to deal with it. I see you and i wanna kiss you. When I'm with you i wanna try tell you how much I love you. I hate this :( I'm so sorry"

Sorce: All in one, long txt.
How can he be saying that after I hurt him so much?
He refuses to let me go.
It's fucked.

Since him I did go out with someone else.. that didn't last long.
He was an idiot.
18 going on 12, and even himself would agree with that.
Cheating bastard.


Alexisonfiree <33
Thanks to Anti-Flag, got talking to a fucking phitt backstage photographer called Matt.
Didn't Get his number though :[
No rockstar energy drinks either!

With Lor!
Was a fucking blast.
Met the Madina Lake twins
Met the photographer from TOC, Matt <3 thanks to Lor :]
Got his myspace this time.
Sat with a load of random people.
Made some friends!

"Can I have a fag?"
"I have a vouge?"
"No I want a fag."
"A vouge is a fag you fag."

haha always awesome times with you Lor <3

What else..

Failed My first driving test.
That was a bum.


Had my second driving test today.
And passed :D

Can't think of anything else for the moment.

I shall make a mental note to keep updating this now though :]


Thu, Aug. 17th, 2006, 01:29 am

its early morning
ive just come back inside from sitting out
needed the time to reflect

im pretty damn fucking happy right now

i have the guy of my dreams whom i dont really deserve
and the best friends EVER

peace it

Thu, Jun. 8th, 2006, 08:29 pm

Alone, i walked away from the noise and chaos to find the tranquility, and i did.

Sat by the river i had a few sudden realisations. Not sure how i should be feeling about some of them.

- Although im surrounded by people 24/7, im actually very extreamly lonely

- I don't want to grow up, but i don't want to stay like this

- I'm not sure i want to be who i am

There was so much more shit going through my head but i started to scare myself after i got thinking too deeply.

I hate a lot of people at the moment
I know it
Putting up a front all the time to shield myself from the barrad of questions that would follow if i were to ever stop smiling.

i hate my smile

Why cant it all just be DONE





Mon, May. 22nd, 2006, 09:37 pm

I dedecate this song to Laura =]

--- High As Kites ---

This life is filled with desolation and regret/Nothing to fuel and feed the fire at the core of our souls/Living off of smokes and bad trips/To fly higher than the austronaughts that dance amoung the stars of the new born child/Misconcieve the meaning of life until you find the truth and go back to what you were, remembering that this/Isn't/Real/The whole concept of proliferating is to keep us alive for another generation longer to inhale more intoxicities so we can sour higher into the atmosphere before we smack our heads on the ceiling/ The bump on the head is nothing more than a realisation that nothing else it worth it/Keep Flying <33

I don't really care if anyone steals this song and claims it to be their own; because they can live with the lie that it isn't their work. Guilt can destroy people. And i hope it kills you.


Wed, Apr. 26th, 2006, 08:32 pm

i am so fucking sick of being fucked about



Wed, Mar. 22nd, 2006, 09:35 pm

Its pretty damn fucking amazing how this world functions

This is my space. A little world where no one actually gives a shit. I can express myself in whatever way, shape or form and no one should give a damn. These are my thoughts, right now. I don't need a fucking psychiatrist because we all know that they don't do anything.

Im too far from the things that i want. The things that i need. What i desire

Im not what i want to be. Im not who i want to be; and only i can change that. No fucking surgeons knife or a shrink.

But how do you change your own life and not play into your own destiny? People say you can cheat death, so why not destiny? If you try and change your destiny, how do you know that your not already playing into the hands of your fate?

Sun, Mar. 19th, 2006, 08:55 pm
what i want

.i want to be that pretty girl that all the other girls get jealous about.
.i want to be that pretty girl that all the guys fight over.
.i want to be someone i am not.
.i want to be someone i will never become.
.i just dont want to be me.

Sat, Mar. 18th, 2006, 05:32 pm
Awesome Fucking News

i have my first tattoo client =)


Fri, Mar. 17th, 2006, 09:40 pm
The Dark

oh how much i love it so
walking up into the wilderness in a pitch black night
no lights to guide my way
only instinct
all i see is black and grey
soft shapes with sharp edges
twisted forms of sickened trees
a black figure walking through
no noise but the wind
as silent as the night could be
out of place
theres no one here
a shadowland i knew so well
has become a stranger to my eyes


Fri, Mar. 17th, 2006, 09:38 pm
Repeating Yesterday

this is what i am
this is what i have become
what is love without the sacrifice
my tears hold no weight
if my commitment is only failure
each day i am born again to be
a child in the eyes of love
repeating yesterday
drain me of my very essence
to form again what lasts

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