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05 April 2010 @ 06:44 pm
fic: hope runs dry (sam/castiel, r)  
Title: hope runs dry
Author: _mournthewicked
Pairing: Sam/Castiel
Rating: R.
Word Count: ~ 3,000
Disclaimer: Look up the word ‘fiction’ in the dictionary. You will not find a picture of this story, but the definition of the word ‘fiction’, which this is.
Warnings: Coda for 516, but no real spoilers.
Summary: Castiel makes a soft noise in the back of his throat but doesn’t pull away. Sam reaches up to curl his fingers in the lapel of his coat, surprised by the emotion that runs through him at the first touch of their lips.

Notes: This is entirely woodstarling's fault. I'm usually firmly in the Sam/Dean camp, and I generally like to avoid playing in Kripke's sandbox, but she wooed me with her sassy ways and now I am enamored. Also super nervous about posting this. It's something new! Massive thanks to kamikaze_redux for the beta.

[pdf version]

Sam has just about had enough of feeling helpless.

It’s something he hates above most things, and lately, it seems to be all that he can feel. He’s helpless to save the world. He’s helpless to fix the damage with Dean. He’s helpless to fight back the rage that threatens to consume him like fire.

But at least there was hope. There was. There isn’t anymore.

Dean sits listlessly on the lumpy motel room bed, remote in hand, but the television goes unwatched. Sam doesn’t know what to do. The amulet he fished from the trash feels heavy in his pocket. He hopes Dean will appreciate the gesture later, after this latest blow doesn’t sting as badly.

He hopes there’s still time to make things right between them.

Sam goes outside to – well, he isn’t sure why. The weight of Dean’s remorse is too heavy. It’s hard to breathe under all of it. Staring helplessly into Dean’s creased face isn’t helping. It isn’t giving him any answers.

Sam fumbles in his pocket for change for a soda, tired, clumsy fingers slipping past the amulet and tangling with worn leather cording. He ends up a nickel short. Figures.

He looks up at the Impala and spots a familiar figure in the passenger seat. The moonlight catches on brown hair and tan trench coat and almost makes Castiel look ethereal. Which he is, of course. Sam hasn’t forgotten that. Sam could never forget Castiel’s power, weakened as though it may be.

Without really thinking about it, Sam finds himself walking over to the car with heavy, purposeful steps. He closes his fingers around the handle and pulls it open, familiar creak ringing in his ears as he slides in behind the steering wheel and closes the door.

Castiel turns his head and looks at him, blinking once, slow and unsure, like he isn’t sure what to make of Sam suddenly sitting next to him.

“Do you need to make use of the vehicle?” Castiel asks. His voice is small and rough, unlike anything Sam has ever heard from the angel. “I can go.”

“No,” Sam finds himself saying, reaching out to wrap his fingers around the angel’s forearm. “You don’t need to go.”

Castiel looks down at Sam’s fingers wrapped so tight around his arm, and Sam clears his throat. He pulls his hand away and curls his fingers awkwardly into a fist.

“I find this place peaceful,” Castiel tells him. He’s staring out the windshield, eyes narrowed as though he’s looking into the sun even though it’s the dead of night. “Or I did, at one time. It seems as if there is no peace now.”

“When I was a kid, I thought the backseat of this car was the most peaceful place in the world,” Sam starts. He isn’t sure why he’s telling the story, unwilling to believe an angel would like to hear him ramble about his childhood. But he tells it anyway. “I saw so many bad things that I never understood. I spent a good portion of my time being angry or scared or confused. But when I was here, in this car, I always felt better. Maybe it was something to do with the smooth leather, or the stars against the sky, or Dean reading me comic books by flashlight. I don’t know. But this car, there’s something about it.”

“It’s calm,” Castiel offers. “The eye of the storm.”

“Maybe,” Sam replies thoughtfully. He turns to look at Castiel, only to see the angel’s face creased with pain. “I hope it gives you comfort.”

“Comfort… is a foreign concept,” Castiel replies. He turns to face Sam and he swallows hard when those blue eyes lock on him. “May I ask you something, Sam?”

“Of course,” Sam replies without hesitation. Castiel looks at him in anguish, eyes shadowed and mouth twisted in pain. Again, Sam feels helpless.

“How do you do it? Any of you,” Castiel whispers roughly. He reaches up to clutch at his own chest, fingertips digging into his rumpled white shirt. “How do you possibly live with all of this inside you?”

Sam feels a pang in his chest at that. Castiel isn’t used to this. He is not yet apt at processing feelings like overwhelming loss and devastating pain. He scoots a little closer to Castiel and furrows his brow, reaching up to stroke his chin as he searches for an answer. But there isn’t really any one answer to his question.

“There isn’t really an answer I can give you,” Sam replies unhelpfully. “We just… keep living, because there’s nothing else we can do. We do all we can to keep it from consuming us.”

“And what if it does?” Castiel replies. “Consume you.”

“Some people try to bury it,” Sam replies, ignoring Castiel’s question completely. “Dean is a master at that. Cheeseburgers, alcohol, sex. They’re coping mechanisms.”

“Comfort,” Castiel says thoughtfully. He crinkles his brow and rolls his lips into his mouth. “I’ve had my fill of cheeseburgers for the next few millennia, I think.”

“Oh, right,” Sam replies, and he nearly smiles. He rubs his hand over his face and bites his lip. “We could get Dean, try to find an open bar.”

“The answer does not lie in tequila, Sam,” Castiel tells him. “Of that I am sure.”

Sam lets out a sigh and looks at Castiel’s chiseled profile, highlighted by the soft glow of the moon. He looks so broken, and Sam doesn’t know what to make of it. Seeing Castiel like this makes him ache nearly as much as he does for Dean.

A fierceness rolls through his veins, a command so strong he can’t ignore it. Fix it. Make it better, make it stop. It’s the same mantra that has been repeating in his head non-stop for months in regards to his brother, but there seems to be nothing he can do on that front. But just maybe he can help the angel in front of him.

“Then there is only one thing left to try,” Sam says with just a bit of a nervous edge to it. He slides himself across the seat and when Castiel turns to look at him, lips parted slightly, Sam closes his eyes as he leans in to kiss him.

Castiel makes a soft noise in the back of his throat but doesn’t pull away. Sam reaches up to curl his fingers in the lapel of his coat, surprised by the emotion that runs through him at the first touch of their lips.

Castiel’s lips are lax but not resisting, and Sam molds his against them as easy as breathing, waiting for the angel to respond. Castiel’s lips finally move against his and it’s like his heart starts beating again in triple time before Sam had even realized it had stopped beating in the first place.

Sam presses Castiel against the door and slides his hand up the side of his neck, the scrape of stubble foreign under his palm. Castiel’s teeth dig into Sam’s lower lip, a sharp sting, and Sam suddenly finds himself pinned to the opposite side of the car by invisible hands.

“What are you doing, Sam?” Castiel asks in a rough rasp of a voice, and Sam feels a shudder run through his body.

“It was, uh, honestly the first thing that came to mind,” Sam pants out. He licks his lips and there’s a sweet tang to them. Castiel looks at him with a curious gaze, pink lips parted and tempting.

“Hm,” Castiel replies thoughtfully, and the invisible grip on Sam’s shoulders slackens until he’s freed completely. He squints at Sam and tilts his head for a moment before beckoning him forward with a slight nod. “There are worse thoughts to have, I suppose.”

Sam finds himself grinning, nearly giddy as Castiel gives him permission to kiss him again. He cups the angel’s cheeks in his giant palms and presses their mouths together. Castiel’s mouth is inhumanly hot, soft lips slick as Sam’s tongue runs over them. Sam’s hands dip underneath Castiel’s many layers, rifling around until his hands can curl around the bare skin of his hips.

Castiel gasps into Sam’s mouth and arches up, a human response that makes Sam tremble with the power it gives him.

Sam pulls Castiel’s bottom lip between his teeth as he positions his yielding body beneath him on the seat. His hands slide up Castiel’s stomach, fingertips digging into hard muscle as his thigh slides between the angel’s legs.

They kiss again and Castiel’s hands land, loose and unsure, on Sam’s hips. The concept of seeking comfort in another’s arms isn’t a foreign one to Sam, and he tries not to think about how this is the second otherworldly creature he’s been with, the second vessel he’s taken to bed.

Sam screws his eyes shut and pushes past thoughts of Ruby. She has no place here; thoughts of her don’t need to be mixing with the softness of Castiel’s lips against his skin.

He nudges Castiel’s chin up with his nose and fixes his lips to the curve of his jaw. A soft sound escapes the angel, something pleased, and then his large hands pull the back of Sam’s shirt up to reveal soft skin ravaged with scars. His fingers trace the thin line of scar tissue, the only proof of the first time Sam Winchester ever died, and he shudders against the feeling. Castiel presses his palm to the spot and Sam bites down on the stubbled skin of his neck just to hear him bite back a moan.

Castiel’s fingers find Sam’s scars like he has the map of them memorized, and Sam grinds down against Castiel’s hips just to counteract the emotion that Castiel’s fingers are forcing from him.

Sam buries his nose in the hollow of Castiel’s throat for a moment, breathes deep just to catch the scent of him. It’s warm and spicy and Sam presses a soft kiss to the spot before he thinks better of it.

He loosens Castiel’s tie and unbuttons his shirt, kissing each bit of tan skin he reveals. Castiel squirms beneath him, fingers scrabbling across his skin, and Sam takes a moment to appreciate the situation.

He has an angel spread out beneath him, and a male angel at that. This is the angel that did what Sam couldn’t – save his brother’s life. Since Castiel first made his appearance in their lives, he’s been a source of jealously, gratitude, and awe. But now, well, Sam isn’t sure what he feels. He knows he doesn’t want Castiel to feel pain. He wants the angel in his life. He likes him.

Sam finds himself laughing against Castiel’s belly button, and the angel’s stomach jumps under his palm.

“This is amusing?” Castiel asks in a raspy, breathless whisper. Sam bites his lip and raises his eyes to meet Castiel’s. His lips are swollen and he has one brow arched gracefully. Sam sobers up and rests his chin on Castiel’s stomach.

“No,” Sam replies. “Well, it’s just, this isn’t where I thought I would wind up when I woke up this morning, you know?”

“I would think that’s it’s obvious by now nothing can ever really be planned for,” Castiel says thoughtfully. He raises his hand and seems to consider something for a moment before he rests it gently on the back of Sam’s head. “But this, as unexpected as it may be, I am finding joy in.”

Sam finds himself grinning and the action feels unfamiliar. He licks his lips and then surges up to kiss Castiel again, spending a long time on his mouth before moving onto his neck. He laves the spot with kisses and gentle nips as he works the angel out of his layers, until he’s hissing at the sensation of cool leather against his skin in nothing but a pair of pleated slacks.

Sam is inexplicably nervous as he sits up to remove his own shirt. This is a big deal, but he has far too many sins under his belt to start counting them now.

Sam’s shirt gets tossed into the backseat before he fixes his gaze on Castiel again. For an angel, he sure has bedroom eyes down. He looks sleepy and satisfied, but still eager, and Sam smiles as he leans down to kiss him again.

After that, Sam loses track of time. The urgency fades and it’s just their mouths, fastened together and unwilling to part. It’s been years since Sam has kissed anyone like this – kissing without eagerness and want, without working towards an inevitable goal.

Castiel’s lips are soft and warm and they explore Sam’s skin with endless curiosity. His fingers dig into Sam’s skin, tracing old scars and drawing unrecognizable patterns into his flesh. The car is hot and muggy, windows wet with all their heavy breaths, but they don’t stop kissing.

Sam sucks marks into the skin of Castiel’s neck, makes marks on his collarbones with his teeth, and licks his way back up to his willing mouth.

Their lungs ache with the air they’re not getting, and Castiel lets out a soft moan when Sam grinds down with his hips. Castiel looks at Sam helplessly, hands clutching the sides of his neck as he pleads for release with his eyes.

“I got you,” Sam mumbles without meaning to, and it feels like a strange thing to say to an angel. Castiel just nods, a quick jerk of his head, and pulls Sam in for another kiss.

Castiel trusts him, and the thought sends the thrill of power through his entire body. He won’t let him down.

Sam’s hands are trembling as he reaches between them to unbutton Castiel’s pants, but there’s no time to consider the ramifications of his actions before his hand is dipping inside to curl around him.

Castiel gasps and arches up at Sam’s touch, and he feels that satisfying rush of power again. He has a powerful celestial being laid out before him, trusting him, and Sam realizes that being with Castiel gives him the power that he’s been craving. It settles him; it takes the edge off.

He strokes Castiel with a slow, firm grip, and lets out a breath when Castiel’s nails dig into his flesh. He could get used to this.

Castiel’s arm wraps around Sam’s thickly muscled shoulders and pulls him down for another kiss. This one is wet and messy, and Sam struggles to focus on stroking Castiel and kissing him at the same time. He feels like his brain is shorting out, and he bites down on Castiel’s bottom lip. Sam catches his lips again and Castiel makes a noise that’s nearly inhuman when he comes apart in Sam’s grip.

Castiel’s fingers tug at Sam’s hair as he comes down, lips pressing sloppily to any part of Sam he can reach as he grinds down against Castiel’s hips. It’s not long before he’s coming, releasing thick and messy in his jeans.

He collapses on top of Castiel and hums as strong, warm arms wrap around him. They’re quiet for a long time, and Sam enjoys the drag of his lips against Castiel’s shoulder when he takes a breath.

“Nothing has changed, you know,” Castiel finally says. Sam blinks and lets out a soft breath against Castiel’s neck. “All of our problems, they’re still there.”

“Of course they are,” Sam finally replies. “This wasn’t magic. It’s something humans do to cope. A few minutes of pleasure in a world of pain. I never said it was smart.”

“Foolish it may be, but I see your point,” Castiel says. He slides his hand down the center of Sam’s back and he trembles when his fingertip traces the scar on his spine. “Does that mean we may do this again, if we wish?”

“You know where to find me, angel,” Sam says as he looks up into Castiel’s eyes. He looks more at peace than he did before, and Sam smiles. Castiel nods and then looks at Sam for a long moment, eyes flicking between his eyes and his mouth before he cranes his neck forward to press their mouths together.

They nearly get lost in the kiss, but a sharp knock on the window above Castiel’s head makes them freeze. Sam looks up to see Dean staring at them through the fogged window, and he swears under his breath as he pulls away from Castiel.

He blinks and suddenly they’re both fully clothed, Sam behind the wheel and Castiel in the passenger seat. The angel rolls down the window while licking his lips. Dean raises a brow and leans in the window, nose wrinkling at the smell.

“This is what you call going to get a soda, Sam?” Dean finally says. He looks back and forth between Sam and Castiel, and Sam wraps his fingers around the Impala’s steering wheel in white-knuckled terror. “My brother and my angel. In my car.”

“Dean, look,” Sam starts, heart racing in his chest. Dean cuts him off with a smirk and turns his gaze to Castiel.

“At least you’re not a virgin anymore,” Dean says, and Castiel’s eyes widen slightly as he turns to face him. “My little angel’s all grown up.”

“Dean,” Castiel starts, but Dean cuts him off with a wave of his hand.

“Whatever, Cas. I’m not here to judge,” he says with a smirk. Castiel swallows hard and catches his eye. “Dayenu.”

Castiel’s eyes widen slightly but then he actually smiles. He and Dean share a look that Sam doesn’t quite understand, but it leads him to believe that everything is just fine.

“Let’s just get one thing straight,” Dean says as he leans even further into the car, head hovering just above Castiel’s. “Sam, you’re detailing the shit out of this car tomorrow. And Cas? I’m gonna need you to beam us somewhere with a lot of booze and pretty women so I can get a little reprieve of my own. Feel me?”

“I feel you, Dean,” Castiel replies solemnly. He looks over at Sam with a pleased little smile, and Sam can’t help but return it.

Castiel reaches out with both hands to touch Sam and Dean’s foreheads and they all disappear, leaving the fogged up car to cool off in the night air.

woodstarling on April 6th, 2010 01:49 am (UTC)
woodstarling on April 6th, 2010 02:48 am (UTC)
First off: I am super proud of my Sassy-seducing ways. Because it got me this. And this? This is awesome. It's just the right amount of sexy and sweet and needy and gah. You're so good to meeeee. <333333
banana hammock: spn: castiel & sam - first datetwofourteen on April 6th, 2010 02:04 am (UTC)
and better times are coming still.13chapters on April 6th, 2010 02:23 am (UTC)

Except now I have Dayenu stuck in my head. Day-dayenu, day-dayenu, day-dayenu, dayenu dayenu (dayenu). arrggggghhhhhh.
[meg]: spn: sam wants to have the sex with youearthquakedream on April 6th, 2010 02:38 am (UTC)
CARLY BEAR THIS IS SO AWESOME~ I love lazy making out and frottage in the car. So damn awesome. I so SO approve of you playing in Kripke's sandbox, especially when we end up with this. Yuuumm.

(i don't have a sassy icon. THIS IS WRONG)
elise: SAM/CASTIELelise_509 on April 6th, 2010 02:47 am (UTC)
SO MUCH LOVE. Awesome.
kazminka: samkazminka on April 6th, 2010 03:02 am (UTC)
That was awesome. Not a pairing I'd normally read, but you've definitely got me intrigued now :D
elanorofcastile: PEx - OMG EXCITING by scaribiconselanorofcastile on April 6th, 2010 03:23 am (UTC)
This was faaa-bulous! *\o/*
It's code for nerd disguised as a geek: [spn] sam neckmatalinolukaret on April 6th, 2010 03:37 am (UTC)
Admittedly, I'm not a Sassy person.

I still loved this, though. :D ♥
"Extremely hot awesome": spn castiel debauched & dissheveledxenachakram12 on April 6th, 2010 04:03 am (UTC)
*~Sassy~*!! *sparkle*

Wow! This is great: organic and believable. Castiel hanging out in the Impala saying that he can't find peace--it broke me. But I loved Dean calling Cas "my angel." Tee hee!

ETA: Your. Icon. unf unf unf

Edited at 2010-04-06 04:04 am (UTC)
sherribonannella on April 6th, 2010 05:25 am (UTC)
THAT WAS GOOD FOR ME. Was it good for you?
bexta1989: Cas/Sambexta1989 on April 6th, 2010 06:17 am (UTC)
This was...just perfect! There are not enough fics like this for this pairing. :D
not a morning person...tattoo_kink on April 6th, 2010 07:11 am (UTC)

All kind of awesome.

You really should write more about this pairing. *hinthinthint*

just another fruit loop in this bowl called life: SPN-Castiel future!Love Gurukeyweegirlie on April 6th, 2010 07:31 am (UTC)
I really really like this...like a lot. ;)
Laura: SPN: It's A Terrible Life: Smith&Wessonviolateraindrop on April 6th, 2010 08:38 am (UTC)
Actually I don't read Castiel paired with anyone, but I just had to read this (obviously because you wrote it). And I really liked it. Especially that Dean was there and kinda commented on it :D
Hils: Sassyhils on April 6th, 2010 09:37 am (UTC)
OMG! YAY! I love it!