miss california. (_mournthewicked) wrote,
miss california.
_mournthewicked

fic: underneath the weight of it all (j2, adult.) Part 2.

Back to Part 1.



Jared is actually surprised when he wakes up in control the next morning. Usually when he’s this terrified Sandy or Sam will take over. Sandy told him she was going to let him take care of this on his own, and Sam snapped and snarled but eventually he agreed.

He rolls out of bed, noting that Sandy dressed him in sweats and a wifebeater before going to sleep. His heart is racing in his chest as he walks down the hallway. It’s unfamiliar, and with every step he takes he waits to be sucked into blackness, but it never comes.

When he walks into the living room the sight of Jensen on his couch surprises him, even though Sandy told him he would be there. Jensen is still asleep, and he tiptoes into the kitchen to grab a corn muffin and two bottles of water.

He pulls the coffee table up to the sofa as quietly as he can, sitting on it and munching on the muffin as he watches Jensen sleep. He looks peaceful and untroubled, lips slack and hand curled into a loose fist under his chin. He reaches out to touch Jensen’s cheek, fingers trailing along his stubbled jaw.

Jensen’s lashes flutter open, sleep clearing from his gorgeous green eyes. Jared swallows the last of his muffin and pulls his hand away, suddenly unsure and very afraid.

“Jared?” Jensen asks sleepily, eyeing him wearily. Jared smiles ruefully and nods, pushing his hair away from his face.

“Yeah, Jen,” Jared breathes. “It’s me.”

“Thank god,” Jensen says, reaching forward to grab Jared’s hands. He pulls Jared on top of him on the sofa, wrapping his arms around his torso and burying his face in Jared’s neck. Jared lets out a harsh sigh of relief, sinking against Jensen and pressing a kiss to the side of his head.

Jensen maneuvers them until they’re lying on their sides, face to face and legs tangled together. Jared locks his fingers together at the small of Jensen’s back, letting out a soft sigh as Jensen kisses his forehead.

“Does this mean you’re not mad at me?” Jared asks softly, and Jensen kisses his lips, sweet and loving.

“I’m not mad at you, Jared,” he says, and an immense weight is lifted from his shoulders. “We’re going to have to talk though.”

“I figured,” Jared sighs, sliding one hand up to the back of Jensen’s neck. “I just need you to know that I am so in love with you, Jensen.”

“I love you, too,” Jensen says, lips curving into a smile. They’ve only been going out for a few weeks, but Jared can feel it coursing through him, pumping hot in his veins every time he sees Jensen. And Jensen must feel it too, if he’s willing to share his boyfriend’s body with three other people. “It’s just, I love you. These other people – they’re all strangers. And I’m not going to ever feel about them the way I feel about you.”

“No one is asking you to,” Jared replies. “Chad is straight. I’m pretty sure Sandy has a crush on Misha, and Sam is – well, you know Sam.”

Jensen doesn’t laugh, just bites his lip and furrows his brow.

“What?” Jared asks, and Jensen lets out a sigh.

“Does this mean that I have to share you?” He asks awkwardly, hand skirting up Jared’s flank. “Your body, that is. Like, is Sam still going to be going out and, well, being Sam?”

“I’ve told him over and over not to use our body like that, and he generally listens,” Jared tells him. The thought of anyone else touching his body other than Jensen makes him insanely uncomfortable, and he makes a note to himself to have a talk with him. “I’m the host personality. They’re an extension of me and usually they do what I say.”

“Good,” Jensen replies, his hand curling around Jared’s hip, fingers dipping under the waistband of his sweats. “I don’t like the thought of anyone else touching you.”

“Really?” Jared says, swallowing hard and sliding his hand up Jensen’s shirt to rest on his stomach. “Then no one else will touch this body, Jen. I’ll do my best to make sure it’s just you.”

Jensen just kisses him again, thumb tracing the groove of his hipbone.

“So we’re okay?” Jared asks, fingers tangling into Jensen’s hair. Jensen watches him through liquid eyes, taking Jared’s hand and threading their fingers together.

“I’m not going to tell you it’s going to be easy,” Jensen says, squeezing his hand. “But I’m going to try my best. I’m not just going to give you up.”

“That’s all I can ask,” Jared replies, face splitting in a grin. Jensen kisses him again, his hand trailing back down to Jared’s sweats, fingers dipping in.

“So can I touch you?” Jensen pants against his lips, fingers ghosting across his soft dick. He starts to harden under Jensen’s touch, fingers tangling in Jensen’s shirt. “I want to so bad.”

“Touch me,” Jared breathes, crashing their lips together as Jensen’s hand curls around his hardening dick. Jensen strokes him to full hardness, thumb rubbing in the sticky precome gathering at the head. “Is this – ah fuck – is this makeup sex?”

“Depends,” Jensen replies, mouth open against Jared’s jaw. “Is this gonna lead to sex?”

“All signs point to yes,” Jared replies, bucking up into Jensen’s grasp. “It’s just – I’ve never done it before.” Jensen pulls back to look at him, one eyebrow raised. “Not as me.”

“Your body knows how, trust me,” Jensen says, biting at Jared’s chin. “Had me walking sore for days.”

Jared starts at that, pulling back and reaching down to still Jensen’s hand. Jensen stares at him, confused.

“What?” He asks, pressing his hips against Jared’s thigh.

“That was Sam,” Jared says flatly. “If you’re expecting a repeat of that night, you’re going to be disappointed.”

He pulls Jensen’s hand out of his sweats, sighing and sitting up to bury his face in his hands. Jensen scrambles up and wraps his arms around Jared’s waist, tugging ineffectually to try to get him to lie back down.

“Jared, that’s not what I meant,” Jensen says, pressing a kiss to his temple. “It was stupid to bring it up. I barely remember it, and you don’t know about it. We’ll start new. It’ll just be us.’

“I do know about it,” Jared says, pulling away from Jensen and standing up. “Sam showed me everything, okay? You loved it, and – and I can’t be that guy.”

Jensen goes pale, like he’s horrified by the idea of Jared seeing that night.

“I had fun that night, okay?” Jensen says softly. “But that wasn’t me either. I was drunk, and what I had with Sam was one stupid night and I wasn’t ever planning on seeing him again. But, Jared – I saw something in his eyes that night. I think I saw you. That’s what made me walk up to you in the bookstore that day.”

“Really?” Jared says, allowing himself to be pulled back onto the sofa. Jensen straddles his lap, placing his hands gently on Jared’s cheeks.

“Yes,” Jensen says resolutely. “Jared, I’m not going to rush you into anything. But when it happens, when it’s us? It’s gonna be amazing, baby. I know it.”

“Okay,” Jared replies, grinning and placing his hands on the small of Jensen’s back. He flips them over, laying Jensen back onto the couch and covering his body like a blanket. “I believe you.”

“Does this mean I haven’t totally killed the mood and we can make out some more?” Jensen says, eyes crinkling adorably, and Jared laughs against his lips.

They start kissing, making out like teenagers on Jared’s lumpy couch. It doesn’t go much further than curious hands sliding against smooth skin. The front door opens then and they freeze, Jared pressing his index finger against Jensen’s lips.

Misha whistles to himself as he walks right behind the back of the couch, apparently not noticing Jared and Jensen tangled up on it. The refrigerator opens, and Jensen sucks Jared’s finger into his mouth. Jared stifles a giggle and then bites his lip to stop a groan.

“Oh, fuck yes!” Misha shouts from the kitchen. “Jared, where are you? Sandy made muffin dogs!”

Jensen bites softly on the tip of Jared’s finger before sucking it deeper into his mouth, tonguing at the webbing. Jared watches, eyes growing dark.

“Jared?” Misha calls again, his mouth full this time. He walks into the living room and lets out a shriek when he spots them. “You guys scared the shit out of me. Are you – are you dry humping on the couch that we all share? That’s the communal sofa. Bedrooms are made for fucking!”

“I’m pretty sure Sandy baked those for Jared,” Jensen says, peering at Misha from over Jared’s shoulder.

“He’ll get over – wait, how do you know Sandy?” Misha asks, raising an eyebrow. Jared sits up and Jensen follows, their fingers threading together.

“He knows,” Jared says meaningfully, eyes locking with his best friend’s. “Chad spilled the beans.”

“Fuckin’ Chad,” Misha says, wiping his hands on his jeans. “So this means I’m no longer the only person in the world keeping Jared’s secret?”

“Uh, I guess?” Jensen says, and Misha jumps on the couch, worming his way between Jared and Jensen, slinging his arms over their shoulders.

“This is awesome!” Misha exclaims, kissing them both on the cheek. Jared cracks up when Jensen just stares at him like he’s crazy. “We’re gonna be one big, happy family. Just us and Jared’s fractured personalities. We could totally have a sitcom.”

Jensen just smiles at Jared over the top of Misha’s head, and Jared’s heart flutters. He’s got the two most important people in the world on the couch with him, and he wonders how it’s going to affect the little unorthodox family in his head.


Jared and Jensen agree that while Jensen has now technically met all of Jared’s alters, none of those encounters occurred under the best of terms. Jared thinks it’s important for Jensen to get to know them, to really know what he’s getting himself into, and Jensen agrees.

But there’s no telling when any of the alters will take control, so Jensen just has to wait.

That’s how he finds himself being roused from a deep sleep early on a Saturday morning by the shrill ringing of his cell phone. He fumbles for it and answers without looking at the display.

“Hello?”

Hey loverboy.” Jensen sits up, rubbing at his eyes and yawning.

“Jared?”

Guess again.” Jensen registers the low timbre of the voice and pinches the bridge of his nose. Of course Sam would be the first alter to come calling. “Jared says we’re supposed to ‘spend time together’. So get over here.

“Now?” Jensen asks, looking at the clock. “It’s eight in the morning. On one of my very rare Saturdays off.”

Rules are rules, gorgeous,” Sam says lowly, and Jensen can’t help but shiver at the tone. “And lord knows how much I just love following the rules.”

Jensen thinks of Jared and how much this means to him, clenches his teeth and decides to grin and bear it.

“Fine,” Jensen snaps, rolling out of bed. “I’ll be there in half an hour.”

He hangs up and sighs, pulling on jeans and a tee shirt. He thinks of his college boyfriend, how he had thought back then that nothing would ever be worse than meeting the family. He had no fucking idea that he would one day be meeting and trying to impress multiple personalities.

When Jensen gets over to the apartment, Sam is dressed in basketball shorts and a black muscle tee and Jared’s laptop is propped up on is lap. He barely acknowledges Jensen when he walks in, just nods his head.

Jensen drops down next to him on the couch. There’s a website on demonology up on the screen, and Jensen rolls his eyes. Fantastic. Sam is crazy squared.

“So what do you like to do for fun?” Jensen asks once the silence becomes heavy and awkward. “Besides read about ghosts.”

“Fuck pretty boys like you,” Sam says blandly, not even taking his eyes off the screen. Jensen narrows his eyes. Sam smirks and shuts the laptop. “But oh wait. Jared has ordered a sex embargo. Can’t fuck anymore. Not unless he’s in control, because you two apparently have a god damn monogamy kink.”

“I’m not gonna feel bad about that,” Jensen replies icily. Sam just turns to him and raises an eyebrow.

“Well, when are you gonna do something about it?” Sam asks, and just grins mischievously when Jensen stares at him blankly. “I know this body, and this body hasn’t gotten off in days.”

Anyway,” Jensen says, glaring at him. “Are we going to actually do something, or are we just gonna sit here and talk about shit that isn’t your business?”

“Always did love the feisty ones,” Sam says, winking at him. “We’re going to the gym.”

“The gym?” Jensen asks, surprised. “That’s so – that’s actually normal.”

“Can’t have us getting scrawny,” Sam says, getting up and stretching. Jensen looks over Sam’s body hungrily. That’s allowed, right? The body is all his, even if the person in it isn’t. Jensen tries not to think about it too much or he gets a headache.

Muscles bunch under supple tan skin, flexing and pulling as Sam stretches.

“Scrawny isn’t a word I’d ever use to describe Jared,” Jensen says, tearing his eyes from Jared’s perfect ass. He looks up to find Sam smirking knowingly at him over his shoulder.

“That’s because he’s got me,” Sam replies. “Now let’s go.”

“I don’t have any gym clothes,” Jensen tells him, and Sam picks up the laptop and heads for Jared’s room.

“I’m sure we can find something to put on that pretty little ass.”


The gym is a little crowded for a Saturday morning, but they manage to find two neighboring treadmills. They set down their towels and water bottles and hop on, setting them on low to warm up.

Jensen almost instantly feels an ache in his calves. He has a decent body, but usually schoolwork comes before exercise. Sam seems fine, even cranking it up a few notches after only a minute.

They jog in silence for awhile, but Jensen figures they should probably talk. All he knows about Sam is that he’s an asshole who is fucking fantastic in bed. He should probably dig a little deeper.

“So, what was up with that website?” Jensen asks, the words coming out in sharp pants. Sweat gathers at his temples and he cuts Jared a look. “Demons and ghosts?”

“It’s just something I’m interested in,” Sam replies, and Jensen is momentarily stunned that he got a straight answer. “Mythology and folklore – all that stuff sort of fascinates me. Jared even took a class about it last year. I caught it when I could. It’s not like we can set up a schedule, you know?”

“I’ve noticed,” Jensen says, and the conversation sort of stumbles to a halt.

After their workout (which Jensen will never admit killed him dead, not when Sam looks like he’s barely lifted a finger) they go next door for coffee.

Sam brings him back a latte, holding it by the top so Jensen can grab it by the sleeve and not get burned.

“Thanks,” Jensen says, blowing into the lid. Sam sprawls into the chair across from him, looking far too large for the miniscule table.

“See? I’m not an asshole all the time,” Sam smirks, and Jensen looks up at him.

“So, in the interest of getting to know each other,” Jensen starts, finger tracing the rim of his coffee lid. “I know that Jared is majoring in psychology, which is sort of a given. What would you be doing?”

“I – what?” Sam asks, and it’s the first time Jensen has even seen him look hesitant. “No one’s ever asked me that before.”

“I’m asking,” Jensen replies, leaning in slightly. Sam clears his throat and looks down.

“I, um, I’d like to help people,” he mumbles, brushing his hair out of his face.

“I get it,” Jensen replies, taking a sip from his cup. It’s still too hot and it burns the tip of his tongue. “That’s why I want to be a doctor.”

“No, that’s not – “ Sam sighs, running his fingers through his hair. “I want to protect people – save them from the things they don’t think they need saving from. I just feel like there’s something bigger out there, that there is something waiting for me.”

Jensen blinks, stunned by his answer. He isn’t sure what to say. It must be so frustrating to have your own ambitions and goals and not be able to do anything about it – to be confined to a body you only rent part-time.

“You do a great job of protecting Jared,” he offers, tilting his head to the side. Sam scoffs and meets Jensen’s gaze.

“That’s true,” Sam says evenly. “Which reminds me – if you hurt him? I will tear you apart.”

Sam gets up then, winking at the barista before pushing his way out into the bright sunshine. Jensen blinks. Apparently sharing and caring time is over.

When he gets outside, Jared is waiting for him, staring down at his sweaty clothes and then glancing around the parking lot like he’s trying to get his bearings.

Jensen falters in his step. He must have hit a nerve, to make Sam leave so fast.

Jensen can’t imagine waking up in your body in the middle of a Starbucks parking lot, not knowing where you are or where you’ve been. He assumes the only reason Jared isn’t terrified is that he’s used to it by now. The thought makes Jensen ache.

When Jared spots him, a wide grin splits his face. He shakes off his time with Sam and wraps his arms around Jared, kisses him and tastes bitter coffee.


They walk home together, hands clasped even though the heat makes their palms sweat.

“Sam just loves working out and leaving me with the achy muscles,” Jared says, pausing to stretch out his calves. “So how did it go with you two? He was the one I was most worried about.”

“It was okay,” Jensen replies, shrugging one shoulder. He can’t think of any other word to describe it. “He’s sort of intense.”

“Yeah,” Jared laughs, spinning around to walk backwards in front of Jensen, their hands still linked. He wipes his face with his sweaty towel and Jensen scans the grounds for cracks for him to trip over. “Are you coming over? I don’t have anything to do today.”

“I have some finishing touches to put on a paper, but it’s not due until Monday. I can hang out,” he tells him, heart thumping when Jared’s face lights up. He doesn’t think anyone has ever cared about him as much as Jared seems to. “I should run home and shower first, though. I’m gross.”

Jared bites his lip, worrying it between his teeth before flicking his hair out of his eyes. He looks gorgeous, so soft and sweet.

“I have a shower,” Jared says, and Jensen raises an eyebrow. “A nice one. And I’m gross too. So we could maybe, I don’t know, shower. Together. Conserve water?”

“How environmentally friendly of you,” Jensen smirks, taking delight in the way Jared’s cheeks fill with blood. Jensen stops walking, Jared’s apartment building looming on the horizon. He pulls Jared towards him, hands settling on tiny hips. “You sure?”

“Yes,” Jared replies, not even hesitating. “Jensen, I – I want to be with you. Badly.”

It’s such an awkward place to be having such a serious conversation – two in the afternoon on a Saturday, standing in the middle of the street underneath the sweltering sun.

He just kisses Jared softly and starts walking towards Jared’s building again. Misha is sitting on the couch when they walk inside, and he glances at them before he goes back to watching what appears to be a documentary on beluga whales.

Jared pulls Jensen into the bathroom and takes two towels out of the cupboard, setting them on the counter before he turns on the shower. He tests the temperature on his hand before turning to Jensen. He stands there, opening and closing his mouth, fidgeting a little. Jensen gets the point.

He pulls his shirt over his head, hand trailing down his chest and stomach until he reaches the waist of his shorts. Slowly undoes the knot and pushes them down along with his underwear, and then kicks them into the corner.

He stands there naked in front of Jared, fidgeting in the harsh bathroom light. Jared’s eyes rake over his body hungrily, and Jensen feels himself flushing under the intense scrutiny.

It’s so strange, because he’s been naked in front of him before, but not really. Jared has touched him all over, but not really. It makes his head spin, makes him need Jared to touch him, not just his body.

“I just – I want to touch you everywhere,” Jared breathes, like he’s reading his thoughts. Jensen just nods, licking his lips as Jared takes off his shirt.

“You can,” Jensen tells him, voice going shaky as Jared kicks off the rest of his clothes. Jensen brushes by him, the contact sparking like electricity. He climbs into the shower and tips his head back, letting the spray wash over him. Jared crowds in behind him, slings an arm around his waist and presses a tentative kiss against the nape of his neck. Jensen puts his hand on Jared’s forearm, pushes down until Jared’s palm brushes his hardening cock. “Touch me.”

Jared wraps his giant hand around Jensen’s dick, squeezes and pulls up. Jensen scrambles for purchase against the tiles, biting his lip to keep from moaning. Jared strokes him eagerly, thumb slipping across the head. He can feel Jared’s hot, heavy dick brush against the small of his back and he reaches back with one arm, palms Jared’s hip and pulls him in until they’re flush together.

“Rub against me,” Jensen pants, letting his head fall back onto Jared’s shoulder. “Get yourself off on me.”

Jared groans, his free hand grasping the spur of Jensen’s hip and holding him still as he rubs against him, shaft slipping between the cheeks of his ass. Jensen’s hole clenches reflexively and he aches with the need to be filled.

“You can put your fingers in me,” Jensen says, his body trembling in Jared’s grasp as he tries to move forward into his fist and back against his cock. Jared nods against the side of his head and bites down on the tendon of his neck. He hears the soft snick of a bottle, conditioner maybe, and Jared is rubbing slick fingertips against his entrance. Jensen spreads his legs, moaning softly and reaching back to grip Jared’s thigh.

Jared slides his middle finger inside, all the way into the knuckle, and crooks it up just right. Jensen twitches, letting out a shuddering moan and leaning forward to brace himself on the tile.

“Good?” Jared asks, like he’s genuinely curious as to how it feels. Jensen lets out a shaky laugh, pressing back against Jared’s fingers.

“Yeah,” he breathes, twisting his body around so he can reach back and wrap his arm around Jared’s neck, bringing their mouths together as Jared starts to move his finger in and out. Water pelts down hot and relentless, and Jensen drinks it from the bow of Jared’s upper lip. “Gimme another, baby.”

Jared doesn’t hesitate, pulls one out and presses two back in, making Jensen moan into his mouth. Jared starts fucking his fingers in and out, thumb pressing against his perineum. His cock has been abandoned, Jared’s other hand sliding up Jensen’s chest, fingers teasing over hard nipples.

Jared presses a third finger in without being prompted, and Jensen hisses at the slight stretch and burn.

“You’re so tight,” Jared says, sounding strangled as he sucks and bites at Jensen’s’ swollen lips.

“Oh god, Jared,” Jensen pants, reaching back to wrap his fingers around Jared’s cock. “I want you in me so bad. I want you to fuck me.”

“Not here,” Jared says, reaching back to shut off the shower as his fingers slip from Jensen’s body. He lets out a whine, hole clenching against nothing. “I want to see you and I’d probably slip and fall on my ass.”

Jared gets out of the shower before Jensen even really processes his words. When he does, his eyes pop open and he steps out of the shower as fast as he can without endangering himself, starting when Jared throws a fluffy blue towel at his face.

“Really?” Jensen asks, and Jared chuckles, eyes dark with heat. He grabs Jensen by the hips and pulls them together, making them both hiss when their bare cocks brush.

“I want to be with you, Jen,” Jared says softly. “Just remember, I’m not – “

Jensen cuts him off with a kiss. He doesn’t want to think about the last time this body touched him like this. He wants this to be fresh and new, just them and only them.

He pushes Jared out the door and across the hall, momentarily forgetting the fact that they aren’t alone. Misha is apparently otherwise occupied, because they don’t hear a word from him as they stumble into Jared’s bedroom and lock the door.

Jensen pulls away and crawls onto the bed, stretching out on his back and looking at Jared through hooded eyes. Jared just stares at him, licking his lips like he’s starving and Jensen is a juicy steak.

Jared gets a condom and lube from the nightstand and tosses them on the bed before climbing on top of Jensen, nudging his legs apart and slipping between them. Jensen grabs the condom and tears it open with his teeth, his eyes locked with Jared’s as he reaches down to roll it onto his dick. Jared’s eyes widen, teeth digging into his bottom lip.

The lube comes next, Jensen smearing it on his fingers and slipping two and then three inside of himself, still open from Jared’s fingers in the shower. Jared doesn’t look away from his face the whole time, propping himself up over Jensen on shaky arms. Jensen slicks Jared’s cock with lube, leaning up to kiss his lips.

“You ready?” Jensen asks, lifting his legs to lock them around Jared’s hips. He’s got one hand wrapped around the base of Jared’s dick, the other gripping the back of his neck. Jared just licks his lips and nods, pupils overpowering his bright eyes. “Push slow, okay?”

He guides Jared’s cock to his opening, gasping as muscle parts for the flared head. He lets go of the base and grips Jared’s bicep, using his legs to pull Jared in slowly. His eyes stay open, lashes fluttering as he concentrates on Jared’s face.

Jared is silent, holding his breath until he finally bottoms out. Once they’re flush together, Jared buried deep inside of him, he lets out a gust of air and then moans shakily, eyes squeezing shut for a moment.

Jensen slaps his hand down onto the bed, fingers digging into the sheets. He’d forgotten how fucking huge Jared was, and it really has been awhile aside from that one night where he was apparently too fucking trashed to feel pain.

He doesn’t want to let Jared know he’s hurting, though. So he takes a deep breath and kisses him, using his legs to keep him from moving just yet.

“Feel good?” Jensen asks against his lips, fingers buried in Jared’s wet hair. Jared nods, nose brushing against Jensen’s before he kisses him again, tongues tangling messily.

“Can I move?” Jared asks, one hand coming to rest on Jensen’s hip. “Oh god, you feel so perfect, Jen. So good.”

“Let’s go, baby.” Jensen lets his legs go slack, ankles hooked loosely over Jared’s firm ass. Jared pulls out slowly, dropping down onto his elbows as he pushes back in, bringing them chest to chest and pinning Jensen’s cock between their bellies. Jared grabs Jensen’s hand, threading their fingers together as he starts to thrust.

They stare at each other and it’s so fucking intense, better than any sex Jensen has ever had. His heart beats triple time, throat tightening. Jared looks at him like Jensen means everything to him, like he’s holding the most precious thing in the world in his arms.

And, well, Jensen knows the feeling.


There are times when Jensen sincerely doubts his career choice. This usually occurs after long days spent wrist deep in cadavers and immediately following that up with a shift of slinging coleslaw. Today was one of those days.

He gets out of the shower and dresses in ratty sweats, scrubbing at his hair with a towel as he drags ass into his bedroom. One hour of studying, and then he’ll call Jared and see if he wants to get some dinner.

Half an hour later, Jensen is poring over a list of prescription drugs and their uses when he hears the door buzzer. Chris and Steve are home, so he decides to let their lazy asses answer it. He rarely ever gets visitors anyway.

“Jared!” He hears Chris shout, and Jensen sits up, spinning around in his chair to face the door.

“Uh, hi?” Comes the soft reply, and Jensen’s eyes widen. None of the alters would have the faintest clue as to who Chris and Steve are. Jensen flies out of the chair so fast it spins and heads for the living room. “Jensen.”

A quick glance tells him it’s Sandy, judging by the nicer clothes and neatly combed hair. Not to mention the softness of her eyes.

“Hey babe,” Jensen says, coming over to kiss her on the cheek. She smiles and then nods politely at Chris.

“Why are you all dressed up?” Chris asks, looking Jared up and down. Jensen steps back to look at the outfit she chose. A pinstriped blue and violet button down tucked into nice black slacks, finished off with shiny black leather shoes. “Jenny forget you two had a date or something?”

Sandy has made Jared’s body look so nice that Jensen thinks that he might have done just that, and he feels too haggard to stand next to him.

“Oh, no,” Sandy laughs, arm locked around Jensen’s waist like she’s nervous. “I just felt like it, I guess?”

“You look great,” Jensen says, leading her gently towards his bedroom. “Let’s go to my room.”

“Keep it down,” Chris tells them, and Jensen rolls his eyes. “Deadliest Catch is on.”

He shuts the door behind them and sits back in his desk chair, watching as Sandy glances around the room. It’s the third time someone has catalogued his living space with the same pair of eyes.

“What’s up, Sandy?” Jensen asks, surreptitiously trying to push his psychology textbook out of view.

“I hope this isn’t a bad time,” she says, so soft and polite, but there’s a strength underneath the cool and collected exterior that can’t be denied. “Jared said he wanted us to spend time with you. I was going to do some grocery shopping, and I wanted to see if maybe you wanted to tag along? We could get something to eat afterward.”

“Uh, sure,” Jensen says, getting up and heading for his dresser. “Just let me get dressed.”

“Great,” she says, smiling warmly and then turning around to give him privacy. Jensen nearly laughs at the irony of it.

Jensen throws on a light blue button down and some khakis, but he still looks like a loser next to Sandy. She’s made Jared look like some sort of runway model, and Jensen sort of hopes Jared takes control while still wearing those clothes.

It’s almost comical, watching such a gorgeous person push a shopping cart down the brightly lit aisle of a grocery store. She picks up a loaf of bread and turns to him, smiling sheepishly.

“Sorry to drag you along on such a boring chore, but I wanted to get these errands done,” she tells him, dropping the bread into the cart.

“No, it’s fine,” Jensen assures her. “So you do the shopping then?”

“A lot of the time,” Sandy says. “Jared is perfectly capable of doing it on his own, but he’s young. He rarely comes back with anything that doesn’t need to be cooked in a microwave. Neither would Chad or Sam for that matter. I gotta take care of my boys.”

“They’re lucky to have you,” Jensen tells her, and she beams at him, wide and proud. It’s then that he gets the impression Sandy may be older than Jared, more mature and wizened. But his mama taught him never to ask a lady her age, and he assumes that rule stands for ladies in young men’s bodies. Probably.

After they load a full cart of groceries into Jared’s car, Jensen can’t help but notice that it’s a pretty nice car for a college student with no job. His apartment isn’t too shabby either. And that’s a shitload of groceries in the back.

“Jared doesn’t have a job,” he states, and Sandy turns to look at him, bracing herself against the cart. “How does he pay for everything?”

“When Jared’s parents were killed he was sent to live with his aunt and uncle, like I told you,” Sandy says, scowling slightly. Jensen just nods. “Well, they are very wealthy. They gave that scared little boy everything money could buy, but what he really needed has no price. He needed love, and nurturing. And even now, I think they think if they just put money into his bank account every month they don’t ever need to pick up the phone.”

“That’s horrible,” Jensen says, wishing so badly he could hug Jared in that moment, but all he can do is look at Sandy with sad eyes.

“He doesn’t like it, but he doesn’t have much of a choice,” Sandy says sadly, huffing a sigh. “We don’t make it very easy on him. He can’t exactly go out and get a normal job. Chad would get him fired within a week.”

Jensen takes the cart from her, because even though the body is very much male, he pictures the real Sandy to be this soft, delicate little thing and that’s what makes his manners kick in.

“Anyway,” Sandy says, digging the car keys from her pocket. “Let’s eat. I know this great little seafood place near campus.”

Jensen suppresses a groan.


Jensen goes home with Sandy, but since she’s still in control he rides the couch. Jared’s couch is actually slightly more comfortable than Jensen’s bed anyway. And here he might actually get some sleep, as opposed to lying in bed listening to Chris and Steve being insufferably nocturnal.

He’s awoken in the middle of the night by thundering footsteps coming down the hallway. There’s a flood of light and then loud retching noises coming from the bathroom. Jensen rolls off of the couch instantly, landing hard on his hands and knees before scrambling up to see what’s going on.

He stumbles into the bathroom to see Jared (he always assumes it’s Jared if he can’t see his face) with his head in the toilet bowl, puking like Chris after a bender.

“What’s wrong?” Jensen says, voice full of concern. He wets a washcloth with cool water and places it on the back of Jared’s neck, rubbing soothing circles low on his back. Jared turns his head to the side, slumped over the toilet. He looks so miserable, and Jensen’s heart clenches as he takes the damp cloth and wipes his face and mouth.

“You guys went to your restaurant, huh?” Jared asks, voice rough and ragged. Jensen furrows a brow, but at least he knows this is Jared.

“Yeah?” Jensen says, and Jared groans as he moves to flush the toilet and sit with his back against the tub.

“She had fish,” Jared moans. “I hate fish. It makes me sick.”

“Oh, babe,” Jensen says, going to the sink to fill a glass of water and hand it to Jared. He takes a few swallows, wincing slightly. “Doesn’t she know that?”

“No,” Jared says, slapping his hand over his mouth. He takes a deep breath and looks a little less green, letting his hand drop. “I’ve never told her. She loves fish.”

“You guys are so weird,” Jensen laughs, biting his lip to stifle the noise when Jared looks up at him dejectedly.

“I didn’t know you were here,” Jared says, and reaches his hand out. Jensen takes it, helping him up. “I’m glad. Even though you did have to watch me puke.”

“You’re gonna have to do a lot more than projectile vomit in my presence to keep me away,” Jensen smirks, rubbing Jared’s back. “I’ll even kiss you after you brush your teeth. Twice.”

“I’m such a lucky boy,” Jared rasps, leaning over the sink and splashing cool water on his face before he very thoroughly brushes his teeth and rinses out his mouth. “You gonna come to bed with me?”

“And give up that couch?” Jensen asks, and Jared juts his bottom lip out. “Yes, I’m coming.”

Jensen takes Jared’s hand and flicks off the light, leading them towards Jared’s bedroom. They curl up together, Jensen cupping Jared’s cheek and giving him a soft kiss. He rolls Jared over so he’s the little spoon, kissing softly at the nape of his neck and rubbing soothing circles on his belly until he falls asleep.

He knows it’s a possibility that he could wake up tangled around one of the alters, but it hasn’t happened yet.

Jensen likes to think it’s because he keeps Jared happy and safe, all wrapped up in his arms.

He likes to think it’s because they’re in love.


A few weeks go by and Chad never makes contact with Jensen. According to Jared, this is because Chad is inherently lazy and they keep missing each other.

That is, until one afternoon Jensen stops by to see Jared before his closing shift at the restaurant, and he finds a Jared shaped blob in ratty sweats hogging the couch instead.

He’s squinting blearily at the flat screen, a video game controller held loosely between Cheeto stained fingers.

“Chad, I assume?” Jensen ventures, setting his bag down as he walks over to stand next to the couch. Chad turns to look at him, giving him a bored onceover before turning back to his game.

“Yeah, man,” Chad says. “And uh, sorry about last time. I’m man enough to admit I really bitched out that night.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jensen says, flopping down onto the couch. He shifts his hips and reaches underneath himself to extract a crumpled up bag of Cheetos.

“Play,” Chad says simply, motioning towards the spare controller abandoned on the floor. Jensen looks from Chad to the screen, where he appears to be shooting zombies using a very complicated mash up of buttons.

“I don’t know how,” Jensen responds, tapping his fingers idly on the arm of the sofa. Chad pauses the game, turns his head ridiculously slow to stare at him in disbelief.

“The fuck you mean you don’t know how?” Chad asks, looking for all the world like Jensen just wronged him personally. Jensen blinks.

“I just, uh. I don’t have time for video games,” Jensen replies, shrugging helplessly. “I’m either at class or work, studying, or with Jared.”

“That’s a shit life,” Chad replies, and Jensen’s lips tug up into a smirk. He used to think so too.

“It has its perks,” Jensen replies, and Chad makes a disgusted sound and throws the controller onto the floor. He slumps back against the sofa, scratching idly at his belly.

“You’re bringing me down, man,” Chad says. “We need to fuckin’ relax. We need to chill. We need – pause for dramatic effect – bitches and weed! You fuckin’ with me?”

Jensen just turns to stare at him incredulously. Chad’s grin falters.

“Okay, no bitches. Just weed.” Jensen raises an eyebrow. “No weed? Fine! Would it offend your delicate sensibilities if I drank a beer?”

“I guess not,” Jensen says, glancing at his watch. “Even if it is two in the afternoon.”

“Damn,” Chad says, hauling himself off of the couch and scuffling towards the kitchen. “You’ve got Jaybird on a short leash.”

Jensen just chuckles as Chad flops back down onto the couch, open beer bottle in his hand. Chad looks skeptically from the television to Jensen and then back again.

“You know, I was gonna get down with a little Spice channel until you just showed up all unannounced,” Chad says, and Jensen wrinkles his nose. Chad shrugs. “What the hell? It’s not like you haven’t seen it, right? We could totally be jerk off buddies! Just – you stay on your side of the couch. …And no eye contact.”

“I’ll pass,” Jensen replies, blinking a few times. “We’re supposed to be getting to know each other, Chad.”

“Dude, this is me,” Chad tells him, gesturing expansively around him. “This is what I do.”

“…This is it?” Jensen asks, biting his bottom lip as Chad sucks neon orange powder from his fingertips. Chad levels him with a bored gaze.

“I don’t bring a whole lot to the table,” Chad informs him, shrugging one shoulder. Jensen gets the feeling this is very true.

“You don’t have like, a hobby?” Jensen ventures once Chad starts digging in the couch cushions, presumably looking for the remote. Chad freezes, whipping around to face him with the TiVo remote in his hand.

“Look, Jensen. I don’t have time for pussy meet and greets,” Chad informs him. “You ask too many god damn questions. You working for the man or something?”

“What? No,” Jensen tells him, and Chad eyeballs him for a moment before turning back to the television. Wow. Jensen sighs, slapping his palms down onto his thighs. “Well, Chad. It’s been… enlightening. But I need to get to work.”

“You have fun with that,” Chad says blandly, flicking through the channels so fast Jensen is pretty sure he has no idea what’s even on them. “I’ll just sit here, not smoking up and not getting laid.”

Jensen just smirks and walks over to the giant whiteboard on the wall adjacent to the kitchen. Three quarters of it is taped off into a calendar, covered with notes in different colors and different handwriting. Misha gave Jensen a marker when it was established he’d be a steady figure in their hectic lives. His color is green.

The board keeps Jared and his alters all on the same page – lets him know what’s been done and what he needs to do.

He pulls the cap off and presses it to today’s date, scrawls Stopped by at 2. Met Chad. ♥ Jensen, and puts his pen back on the tray.

“Bye Chad,” Jensen shouts as he scoops his bag up off of the floor.

“Later, homo!” Chad calls back, and Jensen snorts out a laugh as he leaves.


Over the next few weeks a sort of shift happens. More specifically, a lot of Jensen’s shit shifts from his apartment to Jared’s. He gets his own drawer in the dresser and half a shelf in the fridge. He buys a new bottle of his favorite shampoo and conditioner and leaves it in Jared’s shower.

His textbooks are stacked in a crooked pile on the floor next to Jared’s desk, and they’ve never really talked about it.

It works for Jensen, even if he doesn’t have a set space to sleep. If one of the alters has control, Jensen takes the couch. If Jared has control, they sleep in his bed.

Jared is nearly impossible to wake up in the morning, so if Jensen wakes up alone it’s safe to assume Jared is at class or someone else took over and saved Jensen an awkward situation.

So when Jensen wakes up to cold sheets, he just stretches and doesn’t think much of it. He pads out to the kitchen to fix himself a bowl of cereal, eating it as he stands in front of the whiteboard.

The apartment is empty. Jared and Misha are both in class, and Jensen isn’t due at work until four. He spends his time working on a paper and reorganizing Jared’s CDs. He laughs at the eclectic mixture – from pop to rap to classic rock to alternative. There’s something for every taste.

Misha comes in around noon and he and Jensen share a cup of coffee. They’ve really bonded as well, and Jensen supposes it has to do with being the only two people in Jared’s life that know about his condition.

That, and he’s so fucking zen. Jensen wishes he could bottle that razor sharp concentration for when he has a project to focus on, but when Misha suggests yoga Jensen just chokes on his coffee.

Misha changes for work, slapping Jensen on the back as he leaves. Just a few minutes later Jared comes in, hanging his backpack on the hook near the door.

Jensen is getting almost as good as Misha at playing Name That Personality. By now Jensen can pretty much tell who is in control just by looking at their face. They all wear it a little differently, but none as well as Jared.

“Hey!” Jensen greets him, and Jared smiles a little and runs his fingers through his hair. Jensen furrows his brow and wraps his arms around Jared’s waist, getting up on his toes to press their foreheads together. “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” Jared says, pressing their lips together softly. “I just had this exam in statistics and I don’t know if I did that great.”

“I’m sure you aced it,” Jensen assures him, using his fingers to comb Jared’s hair back from his face. Jensen glances at the clock, noting he still has two hours before he has to get ready for work. “But I’ve got some time to kill. I bet I could take your mind off of it.”

That should have been his first clue. No one takes Jared’s mind off of things like Chad.

“Is that so?” Jared says, smirking at him. Jensen bites down on a grin, tangles his fingers in the front of Jared’s shirt and walks them backwards towards Jared’s room. “What did you have in mind?”

Jensen cocks his head to the side, closing one eye like he’s considering their options.

“Scrabble?” Jensen suggests playfully. Then he gasps and snaps his fingers. “Boggle!”

“You’re such a dork,” Jared laughs, reaching over Jensen’s shoulder to push the bedroom door open. Jensen falls back onto the bed, crawling into the middle and crooking a finger towards Jared.

Things progress quickly after that.

Clothes go flying and soon they’re tangled up together, rocking together skin to skin with Jensen flat on his back, legs tight around Jared’s waist. He kisses Jared’s mouth, nips at his pink lips and slides his hands up and down smooth, unmarked skin. He wants to take care of Jared, wrap him up and keep him safe from the world.

Jared is pushing slick fingers into him, opening him up wide and Jensen groans, the sound muffled against the soft skin of Jared’s neck. He bites down where his pulse is strongest, licks away the sting.

Jared positions himself, thick cock against his tight hole, and he pushes in. Jensen bucks up, wants Jared to thrust into him all at once, make him take it, but Jared pins him down and sets his own pace. Torturously slow, he bottoms out.

Jensen presses his palm over Jared’s heart, fingernails digging into tan flesh as he adjusts. Something happens when they’re connected like this – it’s like a jumpstart to Jensen’s heart. It reminds him why he’s alive, how good the world can be.

And then Jared starts to move.

Jensen clenches down on his dick, rolls his hips up against Jared’s and throws his head back. Jared moans, lips skimming Jensen’s temple. Jared pulls up, sitting back on his haunches and pulling Jensen up by the hips until the small of his back is resting against Jared’s thighs.

“Just like that, baby,” Jensen moans as Jared thrusts into him again, pace just a little quicker. Jensen arches up, back coming up off of the bed as Jared hits his prostate over and over.

Jared lets out a choked little grunt and Jensen bites his lip, opening his eyes to look up at him. Jared has stopped moving, eyes gone blank. Jensen’s stomach drops.

“No, no, no,” he mumbles, squirming and trying to pull away, but Jared’s grip on his hips is still strong. This has never happened before. Jared has never lost control while they were being intimate.

Jensen holds his breath and waits to see who will appear. Three choices and none of them great.

Jared blinks and his eyes snap back open. He looks side to side, and then down. His eyes narrow into squints and then widen as he lets out a loud, girly shriek.

“What the fuck?” Chad yells, letting go of Jensen’s hips and flailing his hands in front of his face. Jensen feels himself flush, skin going even hotter. He has never been more mortified in his entire life. “Oh god. Oh god. I’m a homo. Ew.”

Chad slaps a hand down on Jensen’s hip again, the other going over his face.

“I just wanted to play some Left 4 Dead, man. I just – “ He trails off, pulling his hand away from his face and looking down at the hand on Jensen’s hip, thumb skimming back and forth. “Dude, you are like silk. What kind of moisturizer do you use?”

“Chad!” Jensen shrieks, unhooking his legs and letting his feet fall to the bed. “Your dick is in my ass, you fucking queer!”

“Oh – oh shit. Fuck!” Chad’s face goes slack mid sentence, and his body is immovable as stone. Jensen pushes his hand away from his hip and scoots backwards, wincing as Jared’s cock slips out of him. Jared blinks then, bright eyes becoming clearer. He looks at Jensen’s tomato red face and brings a hand to his mouth. “Oh god.”

“Pretty much,” Jensen says, crossing his arms over his chest. He’s gone soft, dick lax and sticky against his thigh.

“I’m so sorry!” Jared cries, flailing his hands a little. “I was thinking about that test and – “

“You were thinking about your math test while you were fucking me?” Jensen says, gaping at him. “Wow. Jensen, meet your inadequacy.”

“No, I mean – shit! Jensen.” Jared looks like he’s about to cry, chest heaving up and down. His dick is still hard, but that’s youth for you. “It was in the back of my mind. I’ve been stressed over finals coming up.”

“Yeah, okay,” Jensen replies stiffly, crossing his arms over his chest and setting his jaw. Jared whimpers and crawls on top of Jensen, propping himself up over him. His hard cock brushes Jensen’s inner thigh. “Yeah, that’d be an entire world of no. There are no words to describe that level of awkward. No words, Jared!”

“Baby, you’re the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen,” Jared says throatily, leaning in to kiss under his jaw. Jensen rolls his eyes and turns his head to the side. “So gorgeous. So perfect.”

“I’m listening,” Jensen says finally, once Jared pulls his earlobe into his mouth and starts to suck on it. “Go on.”

“Sex with you blows my mind, Jen,” Jared whispers into his ear, breath hot and damp. Jared reaches down to wrap his hand around Jensen’s cock, stroking slowly until it grows hard again in his palm. “It makes me shake. I dream about it and wake up all sticky, wanting you.”

“Okay, okay,” Jensen relents as Jared’s tongue makes a path down his neck, dipping into the hollow of his throat. He grabs Jared’s shoulders and flips them over, getting Jared onto his back and straddling his waist. Jared grins, reaching up to grab Jensen’s hips. He reaches back and grabs Jared’s dick, presses the head against his hole. “I’ll let you have me, on one condition.”

“Anything,” Jared pants, eyes flicking from Jensen’s face to the place where their bodies are about to meet.

“We never, ever talk about what just transpired,” Jensen says, letting the head of Jared’s cock slip into him, lifting up until the rim catches on the tight ring of muscle.

“A-agreed,” Jared gets out, throwing his head back with a moan as Jensen sinks all the way down.

Part 3.
Tags: fic, jared and jensen are in love, rps, supernatural, underneath the weight of it all
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