Author: _mournthewicked aka brandnewloser87
Characters: Brian Kinney, Justin Taylor, Emmett Honeycutt, Jake Newman
Summary: Brian learns some unsettling information. He gains understanding from where he least expects it.
Disclaimer: Brian and Justin are the property of
I’ve found the cure to growing older
And you’re the only place that feels like home
“Justin? Sweetie? Honey bun?” Brian said sarcastically to the sleeping blond.
“What the fuck?” Justin mumbled, his eyes refusing to open.
“Justin. Get the fuck off of my arm. It’s asleep.”
“Oh, sorry.” Justin rolled off of Brian’s right arm, and the brunet shook it, trying to regain feeling.
“Are you going to wake up anytime soon? I’m bored,” Brian told him. Justin rolled over, the last remnants of sunshine assaulting his eyes.
“Are you going to stop fucking me into oblivion anytime soon?” Justin retorted. “Because as pleasurable as it may be, it’s fucking exhausting.” Brian slapped his ass. “Ow.”
“You can’t sleep away our first official day of coupledom.” Justin’s lips spread into a wide grin. Brian blinked and stared at him, but the smile did not stop. “What?”
“You said couple,” Justin replied, leaning over to kiss the brunet. Brian blew a raspberry against his lips. “Ew.” Brian rolled over and pinned Justin to the bed.
“Yes, I said couple. Now I think my boyfriend should go whip us up some of his famous sandwiches, because I’m hungry,” Brian smirked. Justin beamed.
“My famous sandwiches consist of bread, mayo, mustard, and meat. That’s it.”
“I know. On mine, hold the-“
“Mayo. Got it. Be right back.” He kissed Brian softly and rolled out of bed. Brian watched him leave before heaving himself back on the bed with a sigh.
Couple. Boyfriend. Love.
What did it all mean, really?
Sure, he loved being with Justin. He loved fucking Justin, holding Justin, breathing, speaking, living Justin.
And yeah, he loved Justin.
But would it last forever? Would it end? Would they grow old together? Would they break up and hate each other?
What would he do if he ever, ever, lost Justin?
He didn’t want to ever find out. So, he would take what he was not so gracefully given. He would hold onto Justin’s heart and pray to whothefuckever that he wouldn’t fuck it up.
I think I’ll try defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I’m defying gravity
And you can’t bring me down
Brian sat up, seeing Justin’s phone on the nightstand. He leaned over and plucked it off the drawings it was resting on and glanced at the display. Emmett. He flicked the phone open and brought it to his ear.
“Hey Em,” Brian answered cheerily.
”Jus, hey. This is Jake.” Brian’s eyes narrowed and his smile turned into a scowl. Sure, it had all been a show. But that didn’t mean he had to like the guy that had been all over his best friend, boyfriend, whatever the night before.
“Jake. This is Brian.” There was a pause.
”Brian? …Oh. Um, hi.”
”Um, is Justin around?”
“No, he’s downstairs.” Brian paused, shaking his head. “Why are you with Emmett?”
”Uh, well.” He was saved from answering by Justin walking in the door, two sandwiches and a can of soda balanced on a plate. Brian thrust the phone out.
“Jake,” he said shortly, waving the phone back and forth. Justin scrunched his eyebrows together in a way that would have been adorable if Brian wasn’t so preoccupied with wondering what the fuck lip ring boy had to say to his boyfriend.
Justin set the plate down and wiped his hand on his still naked hip before taking the phone.
”Justin. Hey. Brian intimidates the fuck out of me, dude.” Justin laughed loudly and sat down on the bed.
“Oh please. He’s a big pussycat.” Brian’s eyes narrowed. ‘A pussycat? He better take that shit back.’
”So what happened? Did it work?” Justin looked over his shoulder at Brian and smiled.
“Oh, it worked.”
”Awesome. I’m glad. Did you tell him about us, the plan?”
“Yup,” Justin replied. He fell back, landing on his back next to Brian. The brunet raised his eyebrow.
”You guys meet me and Emmett at the diner at nine.”
“Okay. Wait. Why are you with Emmett?” Justin asked. Brian leaned over and starting pressing wet kisses to Justin’s stomach. He would get Justin off of the phone one way or another.
“Let’s just say you aren’t the only one that scored last night.” Justin laughed. Brian buried his nose in Justin’s pubes and the blond played with Brian’s hair absently. Brian sighed and rolled his eyes.
“No way. You sly dog, you.” Justin laughed louder and Brian swallowed his cock mid giggle. Justin almost choked on his gasp, his dick instantly getting hard in the hot, wet recesses of Brian’s mouth.
”Yeah, it’s great. So you guys will be at the diner at nine, then?” Justin looked down as Brian’s lips slid up and down his shaft, sucking hard.
“…Yeah. Diner. Nine.” He bit his lip and closed his eyes against the pleasure. Brian shoved two fingers up his ass and his hips jerked up. “Got it.”
“I’m really happy for you.” Brian pressed his fingertips against Justin’s prostate and deep throated him.
“Guh.” Justin swallowed hard. “Oh god.”
”Justin? Are you oka-“
“Yeah Jake I need to go bye,” he let out in one quick breath. He hung up the phone and threw it aside, both hands going into Brian’s hair. The brunet released Justin’s dick from his mouth and looked up.
“So what did Jakey have to say?” Brian teased. Justin’s eyes widened. Brian wiggled his fingers.
“What? Brian, please.”
“Please what?” He pressed his fingers against Justin’s prostate again.
“Fuck Brian, we’re meeting them at the diner at nine. Now if you don’t suck me off I’m going to cry.”
“We wouldn’t want that,” Brian laughed, taking Justin’s cock back into his mouth.
I keep my jealousy close
‘Cause it’s all mine
“So we’ve been going out for like two seconds and we’re already going on double dates?” Brian griped, shoving his hands in the pockets of his coat as they walked down Liberty Avenue.
“Stop bitching.” Justin stuck his hand in Brian’s pocket, holding his hand as they walked.
Brian was barely able to hide his smile.
When they entered the diner, Emmett and Jake were looking awfully cozy in the back booth. The two boys strolled over, and Brian let Justin in before sitting down himself.
“Well aren’t you two cute?” Justin asked. He leaned over and rested his cheek on Brian’s shoulder once the brunet had gotten his coat off.
“So what, now you guys are a couple?” Brian asked, sliding his hand up the back of Justin’s shirt.
“Well,” Emmett started, “it wouldn’t be Pittsburgh unless everyone fucked everyone that everybody else has already fucked.” He laughed, clasping his hands together.
“What?” Brian asked, his face falling.
“Justin gave little Jakey here quite a sore ass,” Emmett laughed again, oblivious that he had just informed Brian something that he hadn’t previously known. Brian felt like he was in an elevator. There was a lurch, and then the cables broke. “Ow!”
Justin had kicked Emmett under the table. Brian looked over at him, and he turned crimson. Jake stared straight ahead; afraid Brian was going to punch him.
“You fucked him?” Brian asked. His voice was more sad than angry, and that made Justin feel even worse. He sighed deeply.
“Yeah.” Brian’s eyes grew darker.
“You said it was all a game. A show. That there was nothing between you.” Justin looked up at him, biting his bottom lip.
“There isn’t anything between us. We just fucked. Once. It didn’t mean anything.” Jake nodded, afraid to do anything else. Brian didn’t see him.
“Fuck,” Emmett gasped. “I’m sorry, Jake said you told him.”
“Yeah, I didn’t tell him that part,” Justin replied.
“I can’t fucking believe this.” Brian shook his head and slid out of the booth quickly, heading wordlessly for the door. Justin lifted his hand, and then covered his face with both of his hands, slumping back into the booth.
He was so sick of chasing Brian.
Jake slid out of the booth and ran after Brian. Emmett covered his eyes with his hand, wishing he would just drop dead.
I’m such a sucker
And I’m always the last to know
“Brian!” Jake called, jogging to catch up with the tall brunet. He was going to get his ass kicked for sure, but at that moment, he didn’t really care. “Wait!”
Brian shook his head and kept walking. He didn’t know why he was so jealous. They weren’t technically together at the time, and he had fucked someone too. But jealous he was, striding down a snow dusted Liberty Avenue with no jacket.
“Brian, god dammit. Wait!” Jake grabbed his shoulder. Brian whipped around and Jake braced himself for a beating, but one was not forthcoming.
“What the fuck do you want?” Brian growled. Jake flinched. “I’m not going to fucking hit you, Jake. Is that what you think of me?” The blond visibly relaxed. He sighed, and looked up at Brian.
“Truth be told, I don’t know you very well. And the times I have been around you, you weren’t exactly Mr. Happy.” Brian rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.
“What happened between me and Justin meant nothing.” Brian raised an eyebrow, not saying a word. Jake sighed and his tongue poked out to fiddle with his lip ring nervously. Brian narrowed his eyes at the shiny metal. “He only has eyes for you, Mr. Kinney.” Brian scoffed. “I was a distraction. I was pain management. I was a release. I’m sure you of all people understand that.” There was no malice in that statement, just a plea to make him understand.
Brian sighed, a deep forced sigh that flared his nostrils. He looked down for a moment before letting his eyes flick up to Jake’s green eyes. “Yes, I know what it’s like,” he finally said, dropping his arms and defensive posture. Jake beamed.
“You know he said your name when he came. I might as well not have even been there,” Jake laughed. Brian smiled a little. “So you’re not mad at him then?”
“Not mad. Just frustrated,” he replied.
“Why?” Jake asked, tilting his head to one side. Brian was silent for a long moment, deep in thought.
“I hate elevators,” Brian said suddenly. Jake raised one eyebrow, wrapping his arms around himself for warmth. His jacket had been abandoned in the diner.
“Okay then,” Jake replied, dragging his toe back and forth along the sidewalk. People walked around them in swift paces, heading for warmth. Jake wished he were one of them, but for some reason, he felt this was going to turn into something monumentally important.
“No seriously, I hate them. I hate going on them,” Brian said, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans and rolling back on the balls of his feet. His nose was freezing, but still they did not relocate.
“I believe you, but what does that have to do with anything?” Jake inquired, reaching up to rub his frozen nose. He was not adapting to these frozen conditions well. He missed the California sun. He slightly drifted away into memories of sand and surf until Brian spoke again.
“Justin is like an elevator,” Brian said flatly. Jake was brought back to reality, staring at the brunet in front of him.
“I’m not following.”
“Okay, um. Hmm. Okay, when you go on an elevator for the first time, there is always that … lurch, right?” Brian let out a puff of air, watching it dissipate in front of him. “That lurchy feeling in your stomach, every time. Then, as you ride the same elevator over and over, after awhile you don’t feel the lurch anymore. You’re used to it. You’ve adapted.”
“Sure,” Jake said slowly, his eyebrows scrunched in confusion. His toes were slowly going numb. He shifted his weight.
“The first time I had sex with Justin, I felt that lurch. I got that stupid fluttery feeling in my stomach. The nervousness I feel on elevators. Will the cables break, making me crash and burn, or will I make it safely to where I need to go?” Brian shut his eyes and sighed. Jake’s features softened as he received this new insight to the enigma that was Brian Kinney.
“You obviously didn’t crash and burn,” Jake replied, taking a step closer to the brunet.
“No, I didn’t. I adapted. It became normal, routine.” He shook his head, as if he didn’t like his choice of words. “But always exciting. Like riding an elevator.”
Elevators are exciting?
“…Okay when Justin fucked me, it was a little more exciting than riding on an elevator,” Jake laughed. Brian glared at him before smirking, laughing a little.
“No. I’m not talking about the actual ride. I’m talking about the feeling I get in my stomach. The lurch. Or the nervousness of waiting for the elevator doors to open.”
“I see,” Jake replied. Brian had rolled his lips into his mouth and Jake tilted his head to the side, scrutinizing this new Brian Kinney. He was really quite beautiful when he wasn’t so scary.
“When an elevator feels like it isn’t moving, or is too quiet, I get scared,” Brian confessed. Jake got the impression that he didn’t use the word scared when referring to himself too often. “Something isn’t right if it’s too quiet. And I freak the fuck out, waiting for that ping that lets me know I’ve made it, or for the sound of snapping cables that lets me know I’m going to crash and burn.”
The great god Kinney is human, after all.
“I’ve had that feeling. Its like ‘ping, god dammit’. It sucks.” Jake felt as if he should add some sort of input about elevators. Truth be told, he was kind of confused. But he got the impression that he was witnessing a truly rare occurrence. Brian was expressing himself, his feelings.
“Exactly. And I was waiting for the ping with Justin.” He pulled his hand out of his pocket and rubbed his face, sighing. “He was too quiet, everything seemed so still. And I knew, I fucking knew that I was waiting for something. A ping. A snap. Something wasn’t right.”
“And what did you do?” Jake asked, leaning closer. He was fully engrossed in Brian’s analogy, and despite its oddness, Jake could really see now how Justin was an elevator.
He was trying to, at least.
“I waited. Like in an elevator, what can you do? I just waited.” He bit his thumbnail, pausing. “And, I thought it snapped. I thought I was going to crash and burn. But then everything pinged, and I knew what I was supposed to do…be with Justin.” Brian shrugged and smirked slightly.
“So what’s wrong?” Jake asked, noticing the wistful look of his dark hazel eyes.
“Well, this is like a completely different elevator,” Brian replied in all seriousness, meeting Jake’s gaze dead on.
“Okay…” Jake looked around, as if waiting for someone to jump out with a video camera. He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, teeth clinking against metal. Brian bit his thumbnail again.
“Because no matter how used to the other elevator you are, you’ll still get that lurch every time you step on a new one. And the process repeats itself.” He moved his hand in a circular motion, demonstrating his point. “Being Justin’s boyfriend is like stepping onto a completely different elevator.”
Jake stared at him, a slight dumbfounded expression on his face. He crossed his arms over his chest and nodded. “That’s profound, man.”
“Shut up,” Brian said, chuckling a little. “I know I’m not making any sense. But it makes sense to me.” He shrugged. “I’m expressing my feelings. I don’t do that often.”
“So I’ve heard,” Jake replied, rolling his eyes at the complete blatancy of that statement. He looked back and Brian, feeling the tension between them dissipate. “I have one question though.”
“What?” Brian asked, rolling his lips into his mouth again.
“Why is it like stepping onto a completely different elevator?” Jake inquired, running his hand through his sandy blond hair.
“Because it just is,” Brian shrugged. “Everything is going to change. I can feel it.”
“What do you mean why?” Brian retorted, scrunching up his face. He was trying to hide the fact that he had no clue why.
“Why do you think it’s going to change?” Jake prodded, holding out his hands as if weighing the options. “I mean, you guys were already fucking to begin with. You have been for a long time, as I understand it. You already liked each other, so now you both just admit it. You can be open with one another, and not hide anything. You can be more affectionate. You’ll be happier. What really has changed? And if something changes, why does that necessarily make it bad?”
Brian paused, thinking this over. He was amazed at how open and honest he was being with Jake. Figures. He can spill his guts to a stranger, but not his best friend. Jake had no expectations of him. To Jake, he was still a relatively blank canvas. It was refreshing.
“I don’t know. Not really anything, yet.” He let out a long whoosh of air, bouncing up and down on his frozen feet. “Except now I have this all encompassing fear that I’m going to fuck everything up and lose him forever.”
“Brian, you’re spending too much time worrying about what’s going to happen later, that you’re going to miss what’s happening now,” Jake told him, reaching out to touch his shoulder in a friendly gesture. Brian smirked a little. He was right. “Don’t think about the future. Live in the now.”
“Don’t give me that live in the now shit,” Brian said, rolling his eyes. “I get enough of that from Ben.”
“Who’s Ben?” Jake asked curiously.
“Michael’s boyfriend,” Brian replied, nodding a little. Jake nodded, but then looked back at Brian.
“Who’s Michael?” Brian stared at him, narrowing his eyes slightly. Then he laughed, bumping his shoulder against Jake’s.
“Did either of them talk to you before they fucked you?” Brian asked incredulously. Jake glared at him and then laughed.
“Emmett didn’t fuck me. I fucked him,” Jake corrected, sticking his chin out defiantly with a smile.
“Well, that’s a given. It’s Emmett,” Brian laughed and Jake punched him in the arm.
He realized he wasn’t so scared of Brian anymore.
“Would you have talked to me about your friends?” He challenged, raising an eyebrow. Brian nodded.
“Well, now that I’ve slutted my way through a third of your circle of friends, I’m hoping to kind of start over,” Jake laughed, scrunching his nose up in a way that reminded Brian of Emmett. “I want to be Justin’s friend. I want to be your friend, even. And Emmett, well, I like him a lot.”
“You aren’t a bad guy, Jake,” Brian conceded, lightly slugging him in the shoulder. Jake smiled.
“Thank you for noticing,” he replied. Brian slung his arm over Jake’s shoulders.
“Don’t ever touch my boyfriend again,” he warned. Jake grinned.
“Wouldn’t think of it,” he replied, draping his arm around Brian’s shoulders as well.
“Don’t hurt Emmett,” Brian added. Jake shook his head as if he would cut off his big toe before doing such a thing.
“Wouldn’t dream of it. You feel better?”
“Surprisingly, yes,” Brian replied, smiling.
“You’re right. I shouldn’t worry about the future,” Brian told him, pulling away from him and shoving his hands back into his pockets. “Right now I should worry about fixing my current fuck up with the blond beau.”
“You were a big dick,” Jake offered.
“I like the phrase ‘you have a big dick’ so much better,” Brian replied with a tongue in cheek smirk. Jake rolled his eyes.
“Go talk to Justin,” Jake told him, pushing him slightly in the direction of the diner.
“Okay. Let’s go.” They started back towards the diner, both contemplating their discussion. “And Jake? Thanks.”
“You’re welcome,” Jake replied with a smile. “Just don’t expect me to ever ride on an elevator with you.”
Justin looked up at Emmett, his hands still clutching his hair. Emmett was staring off into space, chewing absently on a fingernail. Justin closed his eyes and sighed. Worry was etched on both of their faces.
“Are you sure we shouldn’t go try to find them?” Justin asked, opening his eyes to look at Emmett again. The flamboyant teen shook his head.
“Jake came with me in my car, and Brian came with you in yours. We both have our keys. They didn’t go far,” Emmett told him.
“What if Brian is kicking his poor surfer ass right outside?” Justin asked worriedly. Emmett shook his head, waving his wrist.
“Please, that’s not happening.” Justin nodded. “I hope.”
“Emmett!” Justin shouted. The taller teen shrugged.
“Sorry,” he replied, ripping a napkin in his fingers. The bell above the door chimed and both boys looked over instantly. Brian and Jake waltzed in.
They were laughing.
And what the fuck?
Brian dropped back into the booth and Jake followed suit. The surfer leaned over and kissed Emmett’s cheek. He grabbed Jake’s chin in his hand and moved it from side to side, obviously checking for bruises.
Satisfied that there were none, he kissed him softly.
Justin looked over at Brian and raised an eyebrow, almost smirking at the guilty expression on his boyfriend’s face.
“I’m sorry I acted like a dick,” Brian said softly. It obviously took a lot of willpower to say the word sorry. Justin smiled softly.
“You were a dick,” Justin teased. Brian stuck his tongue out at him.
“I know. Forgive me?” Brian said, giving his best puppy dog eyes. Justin rolled his eyes and pushed him away. Brian grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him in for a kiss.
Justin returned it happily, thrusting his tongue into Brian’s mouth. Justin leaned back against the wall, Brian lying between his legs. After a few minutes, Jake and Emmett looked at each other and shook their heads.
“Well, I’m glad that turned out well,” Jake said, sipping from his soda.
“What did you guys talk about?” Emmett asked, ever the gossip queen. Jake smiled and took another drink of his soda.
“Elevators,” Jake replied.
“Elevators.” Jake smiled and Emmett narrowed his eyes at him. “Think they’ll ever stop?” He asked, gesturing towards the couple across from them. He could only see one of Brian’s hands, and it was making him uneasy. Emmett rolled his eyes and scooped an ice cube out of his glass. He leaned over and put the ice down the back of Brian’s shirt.
“Fuck!” He yelled against Justin’s lips. The blond looked around in surprise and Jake and Emmett laughed.
“Break it up boys,” Emmett told them. “It’s time to get on the dance floor.”