August 8th, 2004

Destined to b alone.--

im pulling an all-nighter.

In a time of love, lust, jealousy, happiness and comfort... where do I fit in? I'm beginning to wonder if I'm destined to be alone forever.
I'm beginning to ask myself... wait, am I lonely? Because I kinda like it. Its kinda sad.
But at the same time I don't//. Don't I miss the kissing.. and holding hands like it means something... and don't I miss actually caring for someone?
Yes. I do.
Tonight feelings came back that I hadn't felt in over half a year. A quick shot through the heart, that I of course got over within a matter of... hm.. (?) whatever, Im over it.
But.. Was I jealous?
Don't you get jealous because you care about someone? . Maybe .
Maybe I really am destined to never share my heart again.
Maybe no one will ever call me baby meaning it again.
this isn't a sad entry.
I just, wonder. Im sick of being patient. Patiencec isn't my best quality.
Thank God for the fact I have learned to let things go... and to not let em eat away at me... Otherwise, I would be dust.
Tonight I started wondering.. and I realized, love and being in love .. are completely different.
Will I ever find someone? When does my time come? When do I get rewarded for all the shit I took back in February...
Or will that never happen.
Am I just destined to be alone forever?