"Fuck you, you get up and get it, I'm not your bitch," I remember this being the first time I hated him. A thousand fucks, a thousand lines and 2 years later.... Jonny was still my God. Only now, he was my God, that I hated and my boyfriend that was giving me vaginal itch.
"What the fuck Kitty, get the fuck up and get me the beer."
"Got anything to pay me back with?"
"What do you mean"
"Coke, you sick fuck"
"Fine, but fuck me first"
So let me add to that, He was: my God, my boyfriend (that gave me vaginal itch) and my drug dealer at the same time. Wouldn't be a big loss if I decided to walk out on him, right?
The next time I clearly remember hating him was one I can't forget. I found out he had been cheating on me with his buddy's girlfriend (fucking slut). After all the fighting and begging to keep me;
"Jonny, is she sick?"
"What do u mean? Nah, she's just drugged all the time"
"No, you dumbfuck, is she sick? Does she have any diseases?"
"Of course not Kitty, Craig's been fuckin her for years and he's cool"
"'Cause it ain't right down there, I've gotta go to the clinic, will you pay?"
"Baby, just go to a free one"
So I went, and what happened? Yeah.. Not only did that son of a bitch give me a coupld STD's that I'd rather not mention, for your sake... but I was going to be a fuckin mother. A MOTHER? AT 18!?
So, again, let's use arithmetic, addition. Catherine. Now Kitty (because I purred like a "pussy" when he fucked me) Hooked on cocaine, marijuana and booze, highschool dropout that went from a wanna be rockstar to a wanna-be-but-never-was-and-ended-up-a-ne
"I need 300".
"300 what Kitty?"
"Dollars you dipshit, I've got a mini you poking in my fuckin egg, thats right, I WENT TO SCHOOL YOU FUCKIN FUCK UP. I KNOW HOW BABIES ARE MADE!!!!!!Give me money, I need an abortion"
"Its not my fault"
And from then on, till about a week later, there was nothing but silence. Remember that bullshit mother I told you about that gave me that bullshit name? After some begging, she loaned me some cash, and I went .. and I did it. I killed something growing inside me. They say even women that are pro-choice will feel a drop of guilt when getting an abortion. You mother fuckers, I cried.
And that was how I walked away from Jonny. He wasn't my God anymore, he was the devil. I didn't want to be a rockstar, I needed to get my ass together and not wind up like Suzanna down the hall in 4B, that crack whore. I needed to stop with the cocaine and clean up my fuckin body.
So I did it, for 5 years, until I was 23, I was good. I went to a Community College, got a good job as a secretary and didn't take anyone's shit.
"Hey, can I bum a cigarette?"
"Sure, what's your name?"
Jaqlin was in my acting class. She was tall, with red hair, she had a lip piercing and a tattoo under her belly button. She wore the nicest shit, she had an amazing body. After class it went from smoking a cigarette, to getting coffee, to dinner, to hanging out.
One night we got drunk with some friends and I made a move on her. What the fuck, I remembered, fuck lesbians. But she wasn't a lesbian, and neither was I. I was so fuckin mystified by her presence, I couldn't help myself. Apparently, neither could she.
A couple months later we had some people over her house. It was a good size. Her cousin was this gang banger from East LA, never did catch his name. He was staying with Jaqlin for a weekend. By around 4 in the morning it was me, her, this girl Nikki we know, Jaqlins cousin, and a few of his friends. Nikki was too drunk to drive, and I remember being scared that Jaqlin would offer to drive her home. She did.
"Can I come?"
"No babe, I have a 2 seater car, remember? She lives down the street, stay here with they guys, they're good guys, I'll be back in a few"
"No... I think.. I'm... I think I'll go home"
"Do as you please, love ya". She kissed me on the corner of my mouth and left.
I grabbed my stuff and headed down the apartment stairs, walked out of the building and into the alley I had parked at.
"You forgot your keys mi amor"
"So all 4 of you came down to bring them?"
And then yes. I got pushed behind a garbage disposal. I got almost beaten to death and raped. I was ripped apart. The innocence I had fought so hard to regain was taken away from me all over again. I bled. I threw up. I passed out. You sick mother fuckers. If I ever find your ass, I'll have you deported. Wait no, jail? One of the 2.
I was sure they'd pay for wat they did.
After returning from the hospital, Jaqlin was unreachable. She was no longer in class, her line was disconnected, and she wouldn't open the door.
I would never see her again, and I would never ask her for her cousins name. The man who raped me, who killed me completely, even just coming close to killing me, I was dead. I was dead for months. I would cry every night, and I have scars all over my body from the broken bottles on the ground, that cut me... as I was laying there, being fucked to an early death.
Part 2, end.
TO be COntinued.
(NOT SPELL CHECKED// SORRY!)