美夢 (_miyuchan_) wrote,
美夢
_miyuchan_

It's been almost one month

And I seriously don't know how I feel.
I dream about my mum every night, I dream about her as if she were alive, I don't think I can still accept this, I try to work a lot and tire myself out, although I'm deadly tired I keep adding things to my schedule and when I'm home I just watch movies, tv shows everything in order to not think.
Because when I think about it, it doesn't matter where I am, I just cry and feel so empty but at the same time there is a weight on my chest that doesn't let me breathe normally.
I feel as if there is nothing I have to live for.
I can't belive it, or better, I don't want to believe it.
When I'm with others I try my best to be normal and to just pretend it didn't happen, but the truth is always there, it is with the earrings I now wear costantly even if they are not my style just because they were my mum's, or it is with the towel I brought from Italy that has still her perfume on it and that I keep holding when I sleep.
I don't know how long it will take, but I feel like I will never be able to feel the same again.
I see things, or eat things, and think "Oh now I should tell my mum" or "Oh this is so cute I should take a pic and send it to my mum" and then I realize that I can't do it.
On August it will be my birthday and it will be the first time I will not hear her voice wishing me happy birthday.
It's so hard to go on.
I miss her too much.
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 3 comments