I dream about my mum every night, I dream about her as if she were alive, I don't think I can still accept this, I try to work a lot and tire myself out, although I'm deadly tired I keep adding things to my schedule and when I'm home I just watch movies, tv shows everything in order to not think.
Because when I think about it, it doesn't matter where I am, I just cry and feel so empty but at the same time there is a weight on my chest that doesn't let me breathe normally.
I feel as if there is nothing I have to live for.
I can't belive it, or better, I don't want to believe it.
When I'm with others I try my best to be normal and to just pretend it didn't happen, but the truth is always there, it is with the earrings I now wear costantly even if they are not my style just because they were my mum's, or it is with the towel I brought from Italy that has still her perfume on it and that I keep holding when I sleep.
I don't know how long it will take, but I feel like I will never be able to feel the same again.
I see things, or eat things, and think "Oh now I should tell my mum" or "Oh this is so cute I should take a pic and send it to my mum" and then I realize that I can't do it.
On August it will be my birthday and it will be the first time I will not hear her voice wishing me happy birthday.
It's so hard to go on.
I miss her too much.