* Jaymee * (_me_in_my_tutu_) wrote,
* Jaymee *

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ughh. im having like THE WORST day ever. Im home today "sick" as some poeple would call it. i just say i wanted to stay home because i dont feel liek going to school because im too drianed and tired and my head hurts and im sooo no ready to face a loonng stupid day at school so a bunch of big grown-up know-it-all people can yell at me all day.

im sorry but...no. im not up for that right now.

soo. yesterday really sucked. so like, ughh. i guess somethinghapend with me and larry, not sure what..but all i know is that it was my fault. everything was my fault. its always my fault. but this time it actually was. imjust a stupid liar. ugh. for some reason i just "felt" like he didnt like me as much as he used to. which is stupid of me to think. and i know he loves me to death. its liek nothing is eer enough for me. but liek..its not liek out of the blue "or..i dont think larry likes me anymore" just poped in my head. im not that stupid. ugh..it just felt like something really amazing was sort of gone. i dont know what, and i dont know why. but liek being with him is like filling a hole in my heart that shouldve been there my entire life. larry did that for me. but i thought he was starting to liek lose interest in me. gooddd, its liek im soo SELFISH and nothing is NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER ENOUGH for me. and im so sick of it. im not perfect. im liek..the farthest thing from it. so liek..ugyh i went online and i had this crazy insane idea that if i pretended to be mad at him ((even though i was really sad cuz i felt like something was rong between us)) so that he would get mad at me. i know that sounds mad fucking crazy, but i thought that if we got into some kind of fight that i would apologize and he would apologize too and then we would make up and then we would love eachother even more. which let me just tel you now : that never wouldve worked. thats gatta be the stupidest thing ive ever heard. so i dont even know why i did it. i was just so confused!!!! even though i already love him with as much love is in my heart. yea. im so stupid because i knew he liked me and loved me to death!!!! i guess even the thought of him not likeing me scared the shit out of me. and i thought about it so much i guess i began to belive it. i just feel like i always have to be as close to him as i possibly can. nd im not saying im obsessed or hes liek my life or anything..well...he kinda is..but..yea..well.... you get me. im just saying I LOVE HIM. i Love him sooo much.

and plus....

i was sort of mad at him for variuos reasons things he said/did that reallllyyyyyy botherd me. but i forgot about them. whatever.

so then i got so fucking upset to where i kept thinking in my head "what would i do if he dumped me?" or "what if he says he loves me but hes just *saying* that so my feelings dont get hurt because hes nice?" and stuff like that. sooo pathetic. all this did was make me realize that i love him. i love him so goddamn much that i would do anything for him even if that meant thinking i was supposed to have unnessesary arguments, in which would all break my heart. what a crazy thing i tought. right? i shouldve just trusted that he loved me..and i did!!! i just..doint know what happend. thats all. but i guess love makes you crazy.

or something like that.


aha. ahahahahaaaa. then i was on the phone with him later that night and lik..it was really funny cuz he was hiding his stepmoms stuff and liek...she was on the phone with us the whole time..liek not saying anything, so then liek, she called the cops on him so he had to go. lol, wow.

and then i watched some fucking retarted movie with liek, my mom. yea. ew. but all i wanted to do was go to bed and not wake up.

  • (no subject)

    yea. ok. well... some new iformation. im not sure whats really going on. all i know is i keep losing everything, you know? like......i dunno whats…

  • (no subject)


  • yea

    ughhh shit shit shoit. its the same. everythings the same as always. im grounded, ofcourse, \just chyllen here. w.e i cleaned my whole fucking house…

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