ballerina

(no subject)

yea. ok. well...
some new iformation. im not sure whats really going on. all i know is i keep losing everything, you know? like......i dunno whats goign on with me and maya. i dont know how badly i screwed up. i dont even know if i may have screwd up at all. maybe it was her. maybe it was me. all i know is i let something slip away i wish would never leave.
ballerina

(no subject)

ughh. im having like THE WORST day ever. Im home today "sick" as some poeple would call it. i just say i wanted to stay home because i dont feel liek going to school because im too drianed and tired and my head hurts and im sooo no ready to face a loonng stupid day at school so a bunch of big grown-up know-it-all people can yell at me all day.

im sorry but...no. im not up for that right now.

soo. yesterday really sucked. so like, ughh. i guess somethinghapend with me and larry, not sure what..but all i know is that it was my fault. everything was my fault. its always my fault. but this time it actually was. imjust a stupid liar. ugh. for some reason i just "felt" like he didnt like me as much as he used to. which is stupid of me to think. and i know he loves me to death. its liek nothing is eer enough for me. but liek..its not liek out of the blue "or..i dont think larry likes me anymore" just poped in my head. im not that stupid. ugh..it just felt like something really amazing was sort of gone. i dont know what, and i dont know why. but liek being with him is like filling a hole in my heart that shouldve been there my entire life. larry did that for me. but i thought he was starting to liek lose interest in me. gooddd, its liek im soo SELFISH and nothing is NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER ENOUGH for me. and im so sick of it. im not perfect. im liek..the farthest thing from it. so liek..ugyh i went online and i had this crazy insane idea that if i pretended to be mad at him ((even though i was really sad cuz i felt like something was rong between us)) so that he would get mad at me. i know that sounds mad fucking crazy, but i thought that if we got into some kind of fight that i would apologize and he would apologize too and then we would make up and then we would love eachother even more. which let me just tel you now : that never wouldve worked. thats gatta be the stupidest thing ive ever heard. so i dont even know why i did it. i was just so confused!!!! even though i already love him with as much love is in my heart. yea. im so stupid because i knew he liked me and loved me to death!!!! i guess even the thought of him not likeing me scared the shit out of me. and i thought about it so much i guess i began to belive it. i just feel like i always have to be as close to him as i possibly can. nd im not saying im obsessed or hes liek my life or anything..well...he kinda is..but..yea..well.... you get me. im just saying I LOVE HIM. i Love him sooo much.

and plus....

i was sort of mad at him for variuos reasons things he said/did that reallllyyyyyy botherd me. but i forgot about them. whatever.



so then i got so fucking upset to where i kept thinking in my head "what would i do if he dumped me?" or "what if he says he loves me but hes just *saying* that so my feelings dont get hurt because hes nice?" and stuff like that. sooo pathetic. all this did was make me realize that i love him. i love him so goddamn much that i would do anything for him even if that meant thinking i was supposed to have unnessesary arguments, in which would all break my heart. what a crazy thing i tought. right? i shouldve just trusted that he loved me..and i did!!! i just..doint know what happend. thats all. but i guess love makes you crazy.

or something like that.

yea.





aha. ahahahahaaaa. then i was on the phone with him later that night and lik..it was really funny cuz he was hiding his stepmoms stuff and liek...she was on the phone with us the whole time..liek not saying anything, so then liek, she called the cops on him so he had to go. lol, wow.



and then i watched some fucking retarted movie with liek, my mom. yea. ew. but all i wanted to do was go to bed and not wake up.
  • Current Music
    Lover i dont have to love// Bright eyes
ballerina

yea

ughhh shit shit shoit. its the same. everythings the same as always. im grounded, ofcourse, \just chyllen here. w.e i cleaned my whole fucking house today. god. what did i do to deserve this? I got my life taken away for feeling Happy & Loved and safe.    I just wanted to take my depression away. and i just wanted to feel okay for a little while. i just wanted to be free, and i just wanted to  be with my best friend & god fucking damnit i just wanted to loive my life!   oh well  my sister is still in MI. i miss her. grrr.

 

 

anyone knoe Raff's LJ?

  • Current Music
    Oh Bongo Bongo Bongo i dont wanna leave the Jungle.......<3
ballerina

OH EM GEE

I have a modeling Audition today. i hope i do well. im wearing a pink summer dress... in the rain. ?


lol. yes.

wish me luck



<3
  • Current Music
    Fall Out Boy // Nobody Puts baby in the Corner
ballerina

(no subject)

pppssht what? ugh yea so im deff grounded. i am a liar and a cheater and i hate myself. i hate myself. no one should ever love me.

 

 

FUCK! im hungry.

  • Current Music
    Mindless Self Indulgence
ballerina

(no subject)

hello there my lovely Live journL CRAZIES :-) kk well im sitting here eating pretzels. yea. oh mann today was kindaa fun.

so today my mom went to millie's with her co-workers on the miracle mile. yes. so while she was there i was walking up & dont the mile going in liek MaxMara & Prada & dolce & gabanna & DIOR (<3) and OMG BETSEY JOHNSON!!!!!!!!!!!!! and liek A&F realizing that these kind of places really bring out my innner bitch. i got kinda pissed off cuz i had liek 30 bucks and realized this si no place for me. hehe. so then i went to roosevelt field mall & shopped around a little. hehehehehee. hmm. ok tell me if u think this is funny...

 

  1.  picture a dinosour egg
  2. Now pictureit slightly cracking
  3. now picture my itty bitty tiny head pop out looking all cute & happy//suprized
  4. now think about it some more
  5. HAHAHAHAHA HOW FUCKKING FUNNY IS THAT?? lol i think its so funny!!

 

 

 

right so anyway.uhh. im bored. im starting to get kinda----used to this whole live journal thing. hmmmm. well i liek my livejournal. i think its pretty fucking cool. heheh.

 

OMG when i was in the mall this lady came up to me & goes "hi, um would you personally be interested in any modeling or acting?" i go " YESS!!!" and then she gives me her card and i give her my #.   um....woah?!!

 

 

 

 

 

     i dunno why but i honestly dont liek armor for sleep. i think they suck major ass actually.

I wrote this to maya: our future... hey maya... you know, when were older and turn 16 were ganna be high school drop out sluts who wake up at 5 : 00 am on the first day of school, hopp on a bus and let it take us wherever, as long as its far...reall far. thats ganna be me & you. and were ganna bring mad lippgloss, and when we get to wherever were goin well go on mad copping sprees & get pop tarts & lots of good conditioner. hehe. and well load up on Dinomyte. then were ganna steal some casstte tapes & make our first addition to our clothing line DINOmyte. were ganna open a little shop & then rob a bank so we can have enoug money to make ppl make the clothes how we want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAH! then were ganna sell it and become so famous we will take oprah & bill gates and fukkin shove em out the window!! and well stay out late lookin liek whores at burger kind everynight, dolly, and at the times we need eachother well always be there for eachother, to cheer eachother up...no matter what. k? and well never have to deal with the parentals again. haha sound sweet?? chyeaaa I love you Best friends f o r e v e r <3 Jaymeekinss
  • Current Music
    A favor house atlantic//Coheed and cambria
ballerina

A dat is a Day indeed

ok well i am going to attempt to make this thingy "cool" considering i get so much raves o how "cool" and "rad" livejournal is...so yea.

lets start out by talkin about my shitty day. yea well todayyy, im probably ganna see maya this morning....go run off & get mad high...ahahahahahahahahaa sorry out of the blue thing to say but : the other day @ burger king me & alex and some other kidd were trying to make the stoner spot in the back of BK livable......so we found a sea saw.....but Alex was way to stoned to move it.,..but one day itl be great!!! right so anyway.... then were ganna walk around town liek big idiots.... mhmm...i love her. then later on today i meeting johnny in town. were probly just ganna liek hookup the whole time but whatever floats his boat. :-)  OK SO THEN I  think i have to go home for liek an hour with my sis, and then im prob ganna go back into town && then me johnny i hope, cuz i blow him off way too much. liek waaayyy to much. but i guess i love hi anyway despite his stupidity & his perfectness. yea. bt this whole larry thing is getting pretty wild gosh, i wish id just sto flirting!!!! AHHHH!!!!! lol, well..... there was a nice little entree for you all to enjoy. but heres a link to    The better Site my Xanga     Stand_Inside_youRr_l0vEe <3 clickkie.

 

cutie tootie, jaymee dances in her tutu 24-7 & plays with dollies & no one can stop her.