(no subject)

It's funny how being old and getting your brain chemistry worked out makes me see how stupid and pointless a lot of stuff is in life, especially online (thinking of the stupid message board shit). I don't really talk to anyone online, or in real life (I lost my job in November after getting pneumonia and missing work), or even to myself. I think "Oh, I need to rant about this," but then I realize no one really gives a shit. And same with updating this, no one, including me, really gives a shit about what's up. Because nothing's up, I'm taking unemployment, doing some art, and chillaxin.


So mom, in her usual wonderful way of sharing news, called me at work yesterday (Friday) to tell me she'd had our dog put to sleep. Lily had gotten sick pretty quick, and it deteriorated fast in the last two weeks. We discussed it, but I didn't think she'd do it without my brother and I knowing/saying goodbye. But when I said that, her response was "Oh, I didn't think about that." Later at dinner she asked if I was upset that I didn't get to say goodbye and be there, and I truly am, and pissed, but I said not really, she was so out of it at the time she wouldn't have noticed. But that's not the point, dammit.

Whatever. This sucks. Poor Lil.

(no subject)

Today may be the day I take the midget down.... Donna pulled some fucked up repugnant shit yesterday, and then still bitched. If she so much as looks at me today, I will verbally bitch slap her till she cries to HR. Don't fuck with the babysitter.

Don't FUCK with the babysitter!

So there's this fellow that we let go when we closed a branch office, and we found him another firm to work for. He and a few others are wrapping up our company business while working there, so occasionally we have to do work for them. Fine. In fact, because they have their own engineer seals, we usually pack everything off to them once assembled, they sign and seal it and send our file copies back. They have our letterhead (small supply) with the caveat that I MUST approve all correspondence first or shit will ROLL.

So late afternoon Nov. 30th, this guy DD sends me an email telling me (no please or thanks) that he needs 10 copies of XX Specifications as soon as possible. Nothing else. He cc:s a VP on it as per usual dealings with him (he's an ass, everyone knows). I say "Hey, VP, wtf is this guy talking about?" VP tells me, I go to find it, server is down, Help Desk is working on it, late afternoon December 3 we get the files, we start working on them.

They. Are. A. Mess.

It's like that branch office didn't have a Style Guide because the formatting is wrong (they don't even have the company NAME at the top of the page - we'd have no idea whose project it was!), I had to read them all because I found spelling errors and blank spots, etc. K. was working on them then was off sick for two days. With being down one admin, I put this project aside and worked on other stuff... she wasn't there to make my corrections anyway.

So DD is like "OMG WHERE IS MY STUFF" a few times. VP comes to see me. Hell no I can't get it to him sooner than Dec. X. Fine, VP will take care of it with DD. More time passes, we're WORKING ON IT (fourth revision, K isn't the swiftest in correcting everything i mark the FIRST time around) and we start an email chain today that is behind the cut.

Collapse )

OMGWTF almost full inboxes!

This sinus infection is killing me. Headache everyday, neck-ache everyday, disgusting thick drainage, sore throat (yay for NOT having tonsils!?), and I don't know if it's ANOTHER side effect of the tonsil surgery, but about twice a day I inhale my own saliva accidentally and cough half to death. That plus the sudden halt mid-swallow plus the deeelightful backup into nasal passages whilst drinking makes me so FUCKING glad I had the tonsils removed. Oh yeah, and the feeling of gagging constantly like something is back there. I swear, I need a new ENT because this dude sucks. Like $200 in office visits and medicines and a surgery later and I'm still back at square one!?

I have two weeks to see the dentist, obgyn, ENT AGAAAAIN, and regular doc.

Latest paycheck came with new rate... CHA FUCKING CHING!? It's nearly a thousand more than my last paycheck! But because of the massive overtime (25 hours) I can't tell wtf my regular pay will be like. Of course it's already marked for bills. I do love my credit card, damn me.

Can't keep up with all the effing magazines I ordered. Of course I ordered them BEFORE I got the promo and discovered I'd be reading bullshit for 9 hours of the day at work. And before I got back into stitching.

Both my work crushes are bringing dates to the office party tonight [that I'm not going to because the mere thought of it makes me anxious]. I have my homegirl from work scoping out the dates and getting details. I can accept D. having a girl, whatever, he's hot, he can have a harem of men and women for all I care, but J? That'll hurt. She was surprised at that choice, but I tried to explain (in the midst of cubicle land) that it was surprising to me too but it was more about the person and only half that I think he's cute.

He got asked to participate in a demo at our manager's meeting on Friday, because he's smallish. Then they picked three fat asses to be the conflicting voices yelling in his face (giant waste of a two hour motivational speaker, my left nut could do better). It was sad. I wish they picked some other guy, all of our Mexicans are short, why not them!?

I was glad everyone gave a vocal "YES!" when the speaker asked "So do you all like J?" And I was glad when J. said he was single to the "Married or single?" question, but single is NOT the opposite of married, guy. Dating but not married, serious relationship but not married, about to get engaged but not married. WHO KNOWS.

I hope it's his sister that's his date.

No wait. That's lame. I hope it's... a blind orphan he adopted from Romania. Yeah.

I have had my new year resolutions ready for a month now. And I can fucking DO THEM because if I can move across country by myself for no reason at all, I can fucking do anything.

Except maybe kill people with my brain. But I'm trying.

EDITTTT! I remembered HOW even. So proud.

I'm currently eating a low-salt ham sandwich on nice thick italian bread, lightly warmed in the toaster because it was kept in the fridge, with a nice pile of sour cream and onion Lays potato chips and an icy cold coke. MMMMM.

So the issue with the pipes was our front cement slab was pressing down on a pipe that had some rocks in it and it was more or less blocked and broken. They pulled up our sidewalk in one place (in a solid piece, AWESOME) and fixed some other plumbing issues and put everything back. They moved the outlet pipe thingie forward three feet (away from up against the house) and across the sidewalk, and brought up TWO pipe outlets into our yard. I don't know what for, mom is going to find out. Mowing around those fuckers is going to be rough.

Also, we lost our bushes in front. Yes, my mother has succeeded in denuding the property of all it's original greenery. I asked her if she hated nature or what and she laughed. She does, she really does.

I was worried we'd lose one of our hard-earned trees that have FINALLY gotten big enough not to wrap in the winter. If they'd had to go further, we might have, based on where the gas and water mains are in our yard. But luckily no.

So now mom is planning on getting the front "stoop" done in a big semi-circular pattern and redoing our sidewalk. I think we might get a little foot-high brick wall around the "flower beds" in front, around the "stoop" and down the sidewalk as well. I'd like to make it wide enough to sit on as well as place some planters on, because hello, far easier than planting down in the ground! Better soil, too.

Don't know when that will happen, I'm still mourning Squarehead and Circley (we never did succumb to mom's threats and trim those bushes one way or another, they stayed square and circle!!!). Plus we need money. The digging and pipework will be about $5,000 and that's not including our plumber bill of the two times he was at the house for several hours doing things.

Needless to say, she's not getting us anything for xmas but flushing toilets and a non shit-smelling front yard.

And I'm OK with that.

I seriously shit you not.

So we're packing to go to a hotel for the night because we really shouldn't be running water because of the backups and flooding and clogs and mom comes up to start her part and drops this little nugget...

"Oh, I have skin cancer. Those two things I had taken off [her neck] were, and the nose one is precancerous, so now I have to go back in and see what they want to do."


We all resume packing and don't talk about it.

I hate December.

I have yet to learn that I'm the only stupidly optimistic person in the world.

I have a nice idea. It gets a little bit of positive feedback in private. I present it. It gets SHIT ON and ripped apart.


Three things so far, just this week.

Why do I even bother? WHY do I feel the need to include people in shit? WHY do I keep thinking that people will stop being nasty fucks and actually think of someone else once in a while?

Do you know WHY people won't participate in a grab bag at work? Not because they're cheap, not because they're worried they won't know the person they get well enough to buy, but BECAUSE THEY DONT WANT TO GET A MUG WITH CANDY IN IT.


If that's the case, you can participate and just put on your little Likes/Dislikes that you'd prefer a donation to XYZ Charity in lieu of coffee mug.

Do you know that I have not even thought about what to put down for Likes/Dislikes? It hasn't actually occurred to me, the person starting the festivities, what I'd like to get.

Because I'm SO FUCKING HAPPY that I found all these cute little $25 or close to it gifts online that other people would like. I was LOOKING for reasons to buy these things. I'm actually able to personally Santa each and every person who has replied that they want to participate. ALL BY MYSELF.

Not that there have been many replies, because you know, it's so HARD to find the REPLY button in email apparently. I got, so far, seven confirmed yes out of about 100 employees.

And the admin group, which is running their own grab bag, well, fuck me in the ass, the first reply I get is a screaming 16 pt font Reply to All saying it was "news to her" and "where did this come from?" and "we've never done this before!"

It's news to you because you are not the end all be all of the office you nosy fucking cunt*. It came from me wanting to buy pretty much every admin BUT you something for xmas, and no, it wouldn't be a fucking mug of candy. And you've never done it before because last year there were THREE OF YOU. This year? There's 12 people that fall in the category in one way or another.

Out of 12, I have four no, three yes (including ME) and five people who suck and can't reply at all. I currently hate all of them. Including the yes people. Including me.

And for this stitching project I thought up that would be cool... scattered interest, but the great big place that would generate some interest and maybe some word of mouth I'm not permitted to post about it on. Because I might "mine" the addresses and sell them to... some mythic organization that is interested in cross stitch people. Fuck my ass do you know how long it took me to FIND this community? I'm sure it would take me YEARS of begging to find someone to BUY this "data" from me.

So sum total participation on THAT front will be about six people. I'm so excited now I could SHIT. Yes, it means so VERY much when you can't even bring it to the main audience that has helped you that you'd like to thank.

What am I asking for? Twelve inches of thread. A total of 41cents worth of time and effort. And of course, I HAD to think about giving back, yet again, because hey, welcome to this post, it's titled I AM FUCKING STUPID. So I was going to purchase, with my own money**, a bunch of stitching stuff, and then just give it away to the people who sent me something that equates to .002cents worth of floss in a 41cent container.

Yes. I was going to spend, I dunno, probably $600 over the next year, on people who spent 41.002cents on me. Do you know how much cool stitching stuff I COULD BUY FOR MYSELF for $600?????

But no, I might sell the emails or addresses or whatnot. I honestly don't really understand the denial other than it was 'benefiting' me more than others. Because the 25cent floss skeins would really put me in the poor house to buy for myself. Welcome to Not the Point. They said I could appeal their decision, but why bother.

Why bother doing nice things for other people!?

I try to see how this Golden Year is going well for me, what with the new job, the promotion/raise, the cute guys I work with, interest in stitching, books on tape, better health, but... really, not fucking feeling it right now.

I'm going to go watch people slide out on the black ice in front of our house and laugh at them. Because being nice doesn't really work for me anymore.

* She has been printing, on the color copier that cost so very damn much to operate, personal photos of her grandkids. Not just one or two, but like, fucking sets of them and mailing them out to relatives. Not just on PAPER, fucking hell no, she orders special INK JET PHOTO PAPER to run through there, on the company dime. Not just one box of 100 pages, but FOUR BOXES OF PAPER. Not even LASER photo paper but INK JET which is WHY THE FUCKING COPIER JAMS AND DIES EVERY TIME SHE PRINTS STUFF. Except I wouldn't give a shit if, and you'll love this, she hadn't sent out an email to all staff REPRIMANDING THEM to NOT USE THE COLOR COPIER UNLESS YOU HAVE A FINAL DOCUMENT and you're sure it's right because "we're wasting resources." Three other admins came to me saying 'Um, you know she's trippin' right?' My boss, the HR/VP Admin person, just about shit herself when I told her what was going on. PS? Her grandkids are fucking ugly. WORD LIFE. PPS? This stupid twat leaves our expensive letterhead/card stock in the manual feed tray ALL THE TIME so when someone else prints, it's on the wrong thing. Jesus himself would slap the shit out of her. And she doesn't want a mug of candy.

** Our pipes have backed up/been blocked, possibly by the new ultra strong, ultra not dissolving toilet paper we're using (fuck you Charmin), so now it looks like the front yard will have to be ripped up and the pipes replaced. Before Xmas. And of course this means no water, and even at the special Rizzo rate at a local extended stay motel, it will mean several hundred bucks in hotel costs and who knows how much in house repairs, which of course I'll be helping with. Oh and at some point I need to pay the $12 to go do laundry. Fa la la la fuck me.
  • Current Mood
    depressed depressed

Zee Masterpiece!

So I think I'm close to having my cubicle the way I want it. I'm still missing a footstool under my desk, some under-desk canvas storage, and a nice wooden small table/stool to stick that wicker basket on the bookcase on as a mail out box. But it's good. And the flower pics are normally world pictures and LA pics and will be small xmas ornaments for xmas soon.

But anyway, Collapse )

Shocked, I say

Last night I was ripping out the perfume samples, cardstock and nuisance subscription forms from the latest Allure (JLo looks like a tranny, and how irrelevant is she these days anyway? JWho? Who cares!) and I stopped suddenly.

Surely not.

I reached back and picked up the sample I just threw, reconfirming that yes, Hillary Swank, not someone I'd call a particularly perfume-y/fashion-y kind of woman, was advertising a scent.

But that's not what made me stop, was it? No... wait... What's this.


I sniffed gingerly, knowing that I could be, and have been, wrong, and it would be not a particular scent sample that I like but a mélange of all the scents in the magazine along with that inherent paper&ink scent of the magazine itself that can be so, forgive the pun, alluring.

But no, I sniffed deeper, still cautious that too big a snootful would prompt an instant migraine... Yes. Yes. I think I really like this one. It's light, but with a dark underlayer that whispers it will sink into your skin and make you delicious and irresistible. It's fruity but neither Lipsmackers nor drugstore-perfume fruity. And it's complex, and dusky and it absolutely can't be that I genuinely like a perfume!

I put it aside last night, thinking I was just insane from the late hour and the 52-hour workweek. I'd try it again later.

Except no, I have 'My Insolence' smeared on me now, and I still love it and even my mother loves it and is vastly amused that I'm so shocked and, as she said, "Disgusted looking."

I am disgusted that I'm considering $62 for what amounts to a gigantic bottle of something I may get sick of, I may become allergic to, and I may just have a migraine every day of my life for even considering buying.

But it's so. Damn. Good.

And really hard to type when you have to stop to sniff your wrist so often.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

Music Halps + update

Looking for MP3s of these songs, if anyone has/can get (I tried Amazon MP3 thinking yes, I'd pay 99cents for some of these, but no luck. I don't have itunes).

Humanity - The Scorpions - awesome rock song, sample on amazon
Paper Money - Soulsavers - can't find a sample, thought I heard it on alt rock?
Lil'O - Flow 2 - rap, can't find even a sample online
Boom - Flight of the Conchords - video is on YouTube, very cute

Will swap for: (it's a Yankee magazine reference, I'm a dork)

Dancin' in Heaven - Q-Feel (from "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun") - cute pop, very catchy
The Obvious Child - Paul Simon a different kind of song
Ghost Story - Sting - hauntingly beautiful, in lyrics and tune
Radio Nowhere - Bruce Springsteen - kickfuckingass!

You can preview all those songs on my site by simply clicking the link normally.
To save the songs, RIGHT CLICK.

I appreciate any help.

Work - HARD. I had no idea how sheltered I was from the idiocy of floating deadlines and chasing down documents. Also had no idea how fucking incapable Donna was of something as easy as blowing her nose. Going to try and bring in my former boss at the art institute as another admin and cut Donna out. She's left early for allegedly legitimate reasons twice in the last 6 days of work. She doesn't do things right. She obviously doesn't want to participate. So fine. I'll give her an out.

Wrangling engineers to accomplish things is like herding wet cats high on catnip.

And I still don't know how much more I'm making. Because it's been 6 days and no offer letter. It might be another $7K, which would make my 3pm Crankies GO AWAY.

I have the feeling several people don't think the "promotion" is warranted, because I'm too new, too young, too nice, too bad at what I do, etc. However, what I do NOW? I proofread, chase engineers, and fuck with the project calendar. Oh and delegate out the ass. Which I admit is awesome. If my fucking staff wouldn't keep fucking off to nowhere. Twice Donna's been out, Kathy was out Friday (her second day) and today she didn't come in till 1pm because of a furnace problem.

Of course, we never meet ANY deadline set, so what diff does it make.

Too much ranting, not enough music. I'm going to bed. This is def. a 9-10hr a day job.
  • Current Mood
    exhausted exhausted