Anya (_lovegood) wrote,

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Dear Merlin...

He asked me to come to live with him...seriously...
At first I thought it was a joke, like each time he wants to scare me...but it wasn't...well the first time he said this to me, he said afterwards that it was a joke...but the day after he said that he was serious, he just got a little bit scared and retracted at the last minute. Yesterday he told me this again. And what came next was the most beautiful, touching, moving declaration I've ever heard.

"Come and stay with me...This time it's not a joke. I'm not asking you to come and live with me immediately, tomorrow, but just to think about it. Listen, I know it's a bit early, but I don't know...there will certainly be some arguments for nothing, moments when there will be nothing left to say, when we wouldn't want to speak to each other anymore...I don't promise you heaven...but I promise you that it will be worthy...I know what it represents in matter of engagement...and you know that I'm afraid above all of engagement...But I don't know, with you it's different...I have just the impression that you're "the one" and I don't want to lose the occasion...I know it's a little bit early to talk about it, but sometimes, you just simply "know"..."

Yes it's a little bit early...but in the other hand when I think about it -and trust me for having done it a lot lately- I can perfectly picture us together...I mean it's not a kind of teenager's fantasy, it's serious, even if we're still quite yound, we're not children anymore. I wonder if everything is always as perfect at the beginning of a relationship as it is for our's. Imagine that we're making a mistake ? Imagine that we've been too far in our fantasies, that we're exaggerating our feelings, like a sort of fairytale, a story "à l'eau de rose". What if everything falls apart and makes us realise we were mistaken ? What if...what if we weren't meant to be together ?
I mean, it's easy to see the marvellous part of all this. Wake up by his side, drink our coffees in the morning together, smile, even if we know we're already late for class. Have dinner together in front of a bad american movie and go to bed to finally fall asleep in his arms, not wanting to ever let go this feeling of pure bliss...
But beyond all this...I can't help but being scared. Everything's happening so quickly, so suddenly...It has not even been a month since the beginning of our relationship and today I still have difficulty realising what I'm living. I mean, I think I'm sort of dreaming all awake, all of this just can't be true...! It's so...surreal...!

And yet I ask for nothing beside believing in it...believing in us...

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