Sometimes it's weird to have to convey emotions when you're much better at telling stories. I tell stories because I can hide my emotions, but I can't tell a story when I have to actually get something out.
I'm surrounded by so many secrets, so much indecisiveness, so much mystery. My normal inquisitive and extremely curious self has more or less given up. It's so strange, my life is boring. It has little spikes of fun things or interesting things but overall, it's pretty boring. The people I'm surrounded by have some of the strangest lives I have ever seen. If it's not one thing it's another. There is constantly action, constantly drama. It's probably the reason I can only be around them for a few hours. I get burned out on the gossip, the secrets, and the awkward moments when people get quiet, whipser into another's ear, and then stop speaking for the rest of the night. The sideways glances and the mid sentence drops are equally irritating. They have so many secrets from one another, or maybe just me, or most likely their own best friend(s) that they can't say things out loud in fear that they will be found out. I think by the end of the summer things will likely clear themselves up. The main problems are working themselves out and people are moving on. This by no means solidifies the fact that this year will be good.
I can't remember a good year yet... but maybe 2 years ago.
Cory's family is literally falling apart. They are going to end up spending so much money on medical bills. I can't even imaging what they are going through and he is bottled up tight, like normal, looking like everything will be alright. In 3 years I've found that it's far easier to allow him to stay bottled, than it is to try to drag it out of him. He's like a vault. I can never get him to talk on an emotional level, which is probably why I get so angry sometimes. I'm emotional, I like to know things like why he loves me, and what is going to be so special in the future. I want to know why's quiet, or if he's depressed. That's not stuff he'll tell me, let alone anyone else. It's like looking for gold in a limestone quarry, fruitless. I still have hope that one day, he'll tell me.
As for the friends, half of them have dropped off the face of the earth, only to contact me when they are bored, one is moving "home" for a month to have surgery and a few are moving out of town.
On a side note, when you move home, you don't generally go back to school. I'm just going to put that out there. Furthermore, you're parents (who aren't footing the bill) have absolutely no say in your education anymore. If they want you to attend, they can pay for it. Get a spine, it's not like they do anything for you anyway.
I also hate mind games. From the outside everyone appears normal, happy, etc. But deep down, they are plagued with all kinds of problems from the most minute to some of the biggest. It's like watching them from the outside you really don't see anything that's going on but if you get in there real close, it's all a game. It's a really backwards game. and it's kinda bullshit. I'm glad I'm not smack dab in the middle of it. I like being outside, I don't like the catty, coy, and easily mistakable moods. I wish people would just tell you how they felt instead of covering it up poorly.