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[April 08, 2009 | 12:06 AM]

it's weird how the older you get, as a female, the harder it is to ignore the secrets your body has been roosting on waiting to hatch...

one minute you're this fiercely unstoppable, cursing beast of a Valhalla i am coming, cat woman and the next minute you can hear this tiny, weakly feline voice whispering. you have to lean in really closely to hear what the voice has to say because in the beginning, it is always so quiet.

you tiptoe across this tundra inside your heart where you thought no thoughts dared to thread when all of the sudden all is quiet and you hear that little voice whispering, whispering, mumbling, and then finally clearly speaking.

The voice talks about your mother, and your mothers' mother. Maybe about the way you watched musicals next your mother in her mountainous queen size bed reciting every lyric to every song belted out in West Side Story because "when you're a jet, you're a jet all the way." Or maybe the voice reminds you of the way your grandmothers arms smelled like expensive perfume and baked sugary things. Or the way she was never afraid of a single goddamned thing, even the monster in the disposal that she fed our leftovers to, as she thrusted her long, weathered fingers down it's grinding throat when cleaning out the sink after dinner. She was never afraid. Never.

The voice glamorizes all the things I've always loathed. The voice that I have come to realize is my Biological Clock. As the oldest of four children, I know better than to listen to it's Angelina/Brad Pitt hollywood fairytale lies. Biological Clock, who we will call BC for short, is just a big fat liar, spinning yarns of twisted stories. Stories about how graet it would be to become a mother...

to be continued... 

[February 13, 2009 | 12:05 AM]
i don't care if forever never comes,
'cause i'm holding out for that teenage feeling.

[November 17, 2008 | 11:14 PM]
watching you drown
i'll follow you down
and i am here right beside you
the lights in the sky
are waving goodbye
i am staying right beside you

[October 27, 2008 | 02:03 AM]

i am the most accident prone person i know. seriously.

i was at my moms house earlier and cut her hair.

afterward, i went up to my old room to get some clothing and shoes that i left there. i was in my closet and pulled a book off of the top shelf. well, there was a HUGE snow globe up there that i didn't notice and it fell off the top shelf, hit another shelf on the way down, broke and fell on top on my foot. 

i was mad about it breaking and about having to clean up all the glass when i noticed that my foot hurt a little and it was bleeding. upon further inspection i saw that i didn't just cut my foot a little...it had a HUGE laceration on the side of it and quickly started gushing blood. i looked closer and noticed a huge chunk of skin hanging out and the bone in my foot peaking through the cut!!!

i started panicking and feeling nauseous and called for my sister to bring me a towel. my mom freaked out and rushed me to the emergency room. i had to get 5 stitches to close it all up and i have to wear this silly boot until i get the stitches removed in 10 days. the doctor also said i can't work tomorrow. the stress on my foot might make my foot swell up and cause the stitches to come out. ew.

what the fuck. so crappy.

when i finally got home, Sean and my roommates had pumpkins and one waiting for me to carve. it made the night so much better because i had been waiting to carve pumpkins all week and thought i wasn't going to get to since i had to go to the emergency room. so we all carved our pumpkins and watched 'The Strangers' which was a shitty movie but it was still an awesome ending to a crappy day off. :)

[October 07, 2008 | 06:09 PM]

my boyfriend Sean is the only good thing in my life.

[October 01, 2008 | 06:48 PM]

so at work today we got a $50.00 store credit plus half off of EVERYTHING in the store so we could get Halloween costumes and wear them during the month of October.

I got these gems:

Pin-Up Sailor!!! (this one is the favorite)

Mile High Pilot!!!

sexual sexual sexual.

[September 21, 2008 | 09:38 PM]

i'm blonde, and i don't wear makeup anymore.

that's really all there is right now.

[September 11, 2008 | 08:39 PM]

i finally stopped being lazy and potted some venus fly traps in a jar to make a terrarium. terrarium making is pretty fun and easy so this might be a new obsession.

i put seashells and little plastic babies in there too.
i think they add a nice touch.

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