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Tuesday, March 9th, 2010
9:00 pm
It's been about a week since I read the original post about Blankpage. I'm finally calming down.

A friend of Blankpages' who knew him well enough to have his cellphone # replied to me on Deviantart. She hadn't been able to contact him in a few months, and now knows why.

It's a thousand little heartbreaks like that. Finding out where he got his nickname. Letting the YuGiOh community know. People discovering they played video games with him. Finding out that he was on EFNet these past 9 years. Discovering that we could have given up a kidney to bump him ahead in the transplant queue. Seeing his Christmas Post on the Garden:

A bit late, but Merry Xmas. I'm back from fighting monsters with Santa Christ and Mr. T. We beat 'em, but one of the monsters gave me the flu.

I am nevertheless filled with the desire to bless myself for having the opportunity to know all of you. And of course I bless you all too.

Peace on Earth and good will to all.

I read Transmetropolitan a few nights ago. It has reminded me of something important.

I believe, tenuously, in Transhumanism. In the Singularity. That Moore's Law will not stop -- and that it doesn't just cover computer CPU speeds. By 2050, we won't recognize our world. Mind uploading, clinical immortality, recreational genetic engineering, full immersion VR, the works.

The Rapture of the Nerds, as you will.

Time Travel is possible in theory, if you listen to about half the Scientists out there. It's just way beyond our technology.

For now.

I'm probably wrong. There are so many variables involved. It's the curse of having a disbelieving geek's mind: Faith comes hard, and this is as much science as spirituality.

But just in case...

I no longer have the luxury of not living long enough to see the future. I have obligations now. It's time to start taking better care of myself and just to hedge my bets, start living bigger and better so I'll have something to talk with Blankpage, and the others I've lost -- in case I'm wrong.

But if I'm right, and the future is going to be as wild as the experts suggest...

See you soon, Rick.

... Relatively speaking.

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Friday, March 5th, 2010
9:07 pm - Still alive. Blankpage isn't.
I'm still alive.  I don't update this very often.  I don't even remember it very often.

If you are looking for me, EldarMark on AIM, or facebook:  mark.cantrell at gmail.com

I am still on IRC.  And due to recent events, am actively trying to reconnect with everyone there.

Currently in a real funk because Blankpage passed on.

I've known him since I was using Netzero free dialup internet.  I haven't spoke to him in years, cause... as far as I can tell, I'm a horrible person.

More information can be found here:  www.shoryuken.com/showthread.php
Anyway, going to go try to contact people on my friends' list here.

Please get in touch with me if you are reading this.

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Tuesday, October 13th, 2009
1:48 am
So it's been 32 weeks since the last update.  Don't have the time to do a proper update right now, but I will soon.

Dell is closing the twin fall site.  I'm out of work in 30 days.  I'm still in shock about it.  Going back to school I think, but I donno what for -- art, horticulture, or computers.

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Wednesday, February 25th, 2009
12:53 am
So life is good right now. Made some Hamburger Helper but this time instead of adding a bunch of creams and stuff, I added like 3 pounds of vegetables. I then topped it off with some Mango and Peach Salsa. Yum!

Work is kinda bad. They are demanding 3 hours of overtime every week until April. I gave up on arguing with them, though.

Awatake did a new drawing, awat178. It's really beautiful, especially the background. I have always loved his digital watercolor-like style, but this time, wow. He's getting really quite good.

I would link to his website from here but I don't want to upset him, that, and the drawing is a nude. He did block me on Pixiv, which I guess I deserve. I didn't think I was bothering him, though.

I am getting better at Japanese, though. I am up to 400 Kanji that I can recognize. One day I'll be bilingual enough to be able to write Awatake an apology letter. Well, I hope anyway.

I've been drawing a little, sorta. Not much, I am going through Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain, right now just the basic stuff. Of course, that is the point of the book, learning how to draw by learning basic things like "how to see".

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Friday, February 20th, 2009
10:26 pm - Drawing
Yay, started drawing again, for the first time in years.

More like a decade.

... God, I'm old.

My head hurts pretty bad, but going to keep at it. :)

... Rabite isn't coming to #dragonquest anymore. He's trying to cut back his IRCing. I hope he reconsiders.

Still no sign of MDragon or Purpleguy.

Been pretty sick last few days, thought it was food poisoning but got better pretty fast. Probably the stomach flu. Feel great tonight, other than my headache from drawing.

Got to the last parts of the endgame in Disgaea 3. Can't beat Baal yet.

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Saturday, February 14th, 2009
10:33 pm
My Pygme Drosera made lots of gemmae, I have moved them around into other pots and carpeted half the pot they're in. The Pygmy Drosera Scorpiodes isn't quite ready to let go of it's gemmae but they're close, another week or so. I moved the P. Moranensis to a different pot. At this rate, the entire pot is going to be full by thist ime next year.

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7:15 am - Serendipity
I'm a big believer of Serendipity.

Last night I randomly decided to upload IRC logs to my new domain name, www.mcantrell.org. While doing so, I noticed zHeights had sent me a message in like 2005, and I opened it to find he had messaged me his email address and company's domain name. The domain name has expired (boy howdy has it expired) but the email address was good, got ahold of him.

So. Randomly decided to randomly upload logs, noticed a random log, found an old friend. Serendipity.

I bought a camera. Canon Powershot A590 IS. 8 MP, 4x Zoom, 4x Digital Zoom, and it came with a 4GB memory card. $110 or so after my discount and shipping. Should be here Wednesday!

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Wednesday, February 11th, 2009
10:17 pm
I has a facebook page now.

Got ahold of Krypt and Exdeath. MDragon, zHeights, PurpleGuy now.

Got home just in time to miss out on Naxx. Customer as I left had trouble with his monitors. Told Mitch that a half hour lunch and a half hour after work was 1 of my 2 hours, he tried to explain to me that no, that doesn't count. We have a problem.

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7:21 am
Apparently PurpleGuy used to hang out a LOT in #classicgames on EFNet, but that channel hasn't replied to me. Going to try again tonight.

Stock hasn't talked in IRC in a long time, either...

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12:22 am
Found Exdeath:

He's working in China as a teacher now, that's AWESOME!

I found an old zHeights page: http://zeus.ia.net/~shpepper/

And I think I emailed him and PurpleGuy and MDragon.

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Tuesday, February 10th, 2009
12:24 am
UC Davis has a lot of interesting classes, my old AC Vassal suggested going there because they have a really HUGE winemaking group.

Thinking of taking Elementary Japanese, Intro to Horticulture, and "an art class" -- Drawing, Design, Ceramics, Papermaking, or one of the 2 Photographies.

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Monday, February 9th, 2009
7:54 pm
Pendy and Dando showed up! YAY! And Endwin is around too! The channel is already infinitely more active.

Trying to get ahold of GeechyGuy, now... his latest entry mentions his new (at the time) girlfriend... Checking in with her.

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7:52 am
Had a decent enough day yesterday. Talked with Rob, he talked me into trying Ragnarok Online out again after ... 6? years? We also did 25 man Naxx, 2 wings.

Still no luck finding people from IRC. Did talk with Dwaine a bit about art. I donno if I should think about doing the artist thing, as I don't, er, draw. Not anymore. Right now life is Work / WOW / Sleep. I don't know if going into Art is the right thing for me. Same thing with plants, while I am enjoying the hell out of growing my Carnivorous Plants and was downright obsessed with Grapes when I had a plot of land to grow them in... I donno. I just don't know.

Wanted to call Carlos and Paul and see what they were up to but didn't get a chance to do so. I don't know their work schedules, so... not sure if it's safe to call them. Maybe I'll try tomorrow afternoon.

Ferret mentioned he has been thinking about going back and becoming a Dietician. I donno anything about that. Rob didn't seem to care either way.

I have to be at the dentist in 3 hours, so I should probably stop thinking about this.

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Sunday, February 8th, 2009
12:38 pm - Missing IRC People.
Sent an email to a lot of the old #dragonquest on EFNet regulars. All the emails bounced. Guess 7 years is too old for email. :(

I donno why I'm being bothered so much by not keeping in touch with the old crew on IRC. But all of a sudden it bothers me, a lot. Maybe I'll get over it in a day or 3, I donno.

GeechyGuy is on Livejournal but hasn't posted in 2 years. I remember he switched Livejournal names due to that girl that I introduced to him being, well, insane. Still feel like shit about that.

Pendy hasn't been around Woodus in 4-5 years. The most recent message I've seen from him was 2007. DQNN died and he vanished.

Evanz vanished years ago. It took me days to remember his name, even. He was the One Eyed Wingslime, or One Winged Wingslime, or ... Sigh.

zHeights dissapeared 3 months ago, and hasn't been back since.

Dand0 appears every 2-3 years or so to say hi. He's apparently married now.

Slime, aka Rabite, got a really bad computer virus recently and hasn't been around much.

Weirdman, Gema2k, Neil, and Spinner_8 kinda vanished around the time I started showing up in 2000-2001.

MDragon and Exdeath dissapeared recently. Focus has been gone so long the bot doesn't remember him. Purpleguy vanished 6 months ago.

The real bad thing is, I honesetly can't remember when I talked last to most of these guys. Work and WOW and everything, I haven't been paying attention to IRC. It's to the point that on TFNet they thought I was some sorta weird bot when I spoke up, since I hadn't spoken in probably literally a year or more.

MMOs too.

Linksys on EQ-Povar, I never said goodbye to before logging out that last time.

maia. and her alts on City of Heroes I tried to get ahold of, even gave my IM info to, but, no luck.

Still talk to Mike (Sol'kanar) from AC, he plays WOW, he moved recently. Haven't talked with Jason (Winterblade) in a year or so.

Why does this bother me so much?

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Friday, February 6th, 2009
9:46 pm - School
Aaaand, CSI has a "Art -- Commercial" degree.

So, thoughts.

- No full degree at CSI
- Limited use, better as an extra on another degree (Minor)

- I'm too weird to Teach
- Lots of skeletons in "KiTA"'s closet
- Kids make me nervous

- Too perverted to ever be a real artist
- No talent!
- What would I do? Photography? Scupting (Anime Garage Kits!) Painting? Hey, Bodypainting, that's one thing. Maybe something in the theatre?
- ... Professional Special FX artist might be fun...

Art - Commercial
- Very generalistic degree, many fields open for me -- goal of editing comics professionally, or something similar.
- Note the lack of "No Talent!" being a disadvantage here. ;)

"Plants" (who knows)
- Only non-computer hobby that I have
- Limited use, really
- Vineyard operator, Nursery operator...

Computer Programming
- Still in computers
- Oversaturated field

Policital Science
- Could be the first dork president
- God, it'd be funny to be a parody candidate. I could run as an over the top Repbulican ("I believe that our lord and savior is OFFENDED at women wearing MEN'S CLOTHING! BAN FEMALE CROSSDRESSING! NO PANTS FOR GOD'S DAUGHTERS!") and immediately switch over to the Dems.
- WAAAAAAY too many skeletons

- I'm 27, almost 28, starting a Law degree would put me at 40 by the time I'm done.
- Limited interest -- would be nice to be a professional Open Source advocate, however.

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9:02 pm
Maybe learning Japanese, or learning... um... Photoshop? I could work as a manga translator or...

God, what's the term for that? Editing stuff in Illustraitor and Photoshop? Digital Design?


Visual Design.
Commercial Art.
Things like that?

Thanks Liz

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8:29 pm - School.
I've decided.

My time at Dell is limited. One way or another. I mean, if I hit 5 years, the rumour is they start pushing you out the door. And that's assuming I don't have some weird breakdown or get fired for mouthing off or something.

So yeah. Time is limited, I'll be out one way or another in a few hours/months/years.

And I'd like it to be on my terms.

I am going to go back to school. I donno what for. But the idea of being a L1 computer technician for the next 40 years (assuming that the rumour of Dell forcing people out after 5 years is true / assuming that Dell doesn't outsource my call center / assuming Dell survives / etc) terrifies me. Life wasn't supposed to turn out like this. This job is OK for tech support, but it's tech support.

I donno what to do though. I have no interests other than art (too perverted to do that professionally), Japanese (too old to really do translation work or whatnot)... maybe Teaching (again, too perverted) or... I donno. I've been growing a shitload of plants, mostly Carnivirous Plants, but I wouldn't know how to build that into a career.

But I don't have to do the... major? thing immediately, I don't think? Maybe just go and do the general stuff at CSI and ... go from there?

God, I wish I could re-do my high school life and after. High school is all about learning to learn, and learning to get along with assholes. I wish I was smart enough to have seen that. I wish I had been smart enough and had enough confidence in myself to tell my mother to fuck off 10 years ago.

That might be too strong, I donno. I should have took a year off and then went to a real college instead of YVCC.

Still even trying to learn how to cook and keep up a house.

Definitely not buying a house this year. Saving up and then going to school.

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1:19 am
Thought. Names are coming to me...

Snafu used to talk to me on AIM, he was a neat musician. Wonder what ever happened to him.

Bard Edwin... used to ask me about my art, but he's gone now.

My AC Vassal was... KRYTEN on IRC... but he hasn't been around for years and years.

I was Xaoten Ki, Daija, Wa, Ankoku, and Sha Shu on Harvestgain.

I need to sleep, I have to be up in 4 hours.

I think I realized why this is bothering me. I'm 27 years old, and most of these people I met 9 years ago or so, and haven't talked to in years.

That means I've spent a third of my life screwing around on Japanese H-art sites and chatting on IRC and AIM and ICQ, and I have... nothing at all to show for it. I never learned to draw, I still don't know Japanese, I don't even have any people I talk to IRL anymore, and 99% of my IRC and AIM and ICQ friends have moved on.

So, what was the point of it all?

And if it didn't have any point, then, what do I have left?

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12:47 am
So I'm exceptionally bored and tired right now.

Looking through old art CDs and all that, someone on 4chan posted an ika2 archive, and I was reminded of one of the artists I used to watch there... which lead to me opening hundreds of 5-10 year old Japanese Art links, which are all dead of course.

Otowa of Goldleaf is gone, his email bounces too. Awatake is still around, about to release a new CD. God, I wish I could read Japanese enough to apologize to him. DuKE is around but he doesn't post more than 2 or 3 times a year. Naritaya went pro, doesn't do much now, but the art he does post looks better than ever.

... Don't remember my Asheron's Call character's vassal and patron names. I know he was on AIM or ICQ, should still be on my list. I know it. But I can't find him. I returned to EQ and met a lot of great people but quit again. There was "maia." in City of Heroes (on the Virtue server) that I just kinda... vanished on. I lost track with everyone in Draygonfyre.

Kinda tired of my job. It's just burnout, I know it. They announced we have to do essentially an hour of manditory OT every day this month. The attitude from management is the worst part. "It's better than being Unemployed." Our manager actually said that to us today, and it's not the first time I've said it. God, what a horrible attitude to take. Just as bad as the fish books.

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Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008
12:14 am - So work is fun, work is great, works helps you put on excess weight
I forgot to mention this in the older posts but the reason Darren and Amber moved back to Yakima was that she was cheating on him. A lot. They're still together, so whatever.

Been playing WOW again lately. Xaoten, L80 Tanking DK. Working on gearing up, I need to do The Oculus so I can get the Helm and Ring off the last boss. I could also use to get my Wyrmrest faction up one more level, that will let me buy most of the tanking gear.

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