over it.

I've had quite enough of being sick. I don't like staying home from school, despite my lack of fondness for the place, the only thing I dislike more is having an overload of work from it. I'm also sick of doing nothing. Don't get me wrong, I adore my family and my mom has done SO much for me the past two days. I just really miss my friends. Friends being: Sam, Erin, Chelsea, Devon and Morgan. I really don't miss any guys. With the exception of one, who I really shouldn't miss.

I've also had enough of this particular boy I miss. I really despise him. He's a lying, cheating, self-absorbed moron who lets psychotic oompa-loompa's run his life. Therefore why would I miss him? Maybe because he is the first guy to put on a REALLY convincing act that he actually cared! He really didn't mind when I was in a terrible mood because I was PMSing, and he let me take it out on him. And he didn't listen to stupid rumors other people made up, and he told me that I deserved better than what I was receiving from a previous boyfriend. Then why did he stoop lower than that previous boyfriend ever did?

Maybe it's because of all that, that I miss him. Maybe I just miss that idea of him. That vision that he was that person, that's who I miss. But he's not that person. But I still miss it, and I miss the way I felt and I'm just really... sad, that I don't feel like that anymore. And sad is the best word that I can use to describe it. Because there's no mixed emotions, there's no prolonged, fancy SAT word for it. I'm sad, and that's it. And I think it's okay to be sad. So many people just tell me "get over it, you're better than him, he'll regret it..." I know all this. I know I'm better than her, and that they won't workout. Why isn't that satisfaction enough for me? Why can't I be happy with the reassurance that I have people there for me that ARE there for me, and who don't just say it.

I want to be happy again. And I'm not saying that I need him to be happy, I'm well aware that I don't. I just liked being happy with him. I liked having someone who told me how special I was, and how he'd never leave me or screw me over. How much better I was than her. How much nicer, and sweeter and friendlier I was. Not just how hot I was. How friendly his family was, his WHOLE family. Because believe me, I met his whole family. Someone his friends liked being around, and how much better they liked me. Why wasn't this enough? Why wasn't I enough?

Every girl wants to be THAT girl. the slutty girl, the quiet girl, the shy girl, the obnoxious girl, the ugly girl, the beautiful girl, the tall girl, the awkward girl, the weird girl. we ALL want to be that girl that you cannot forget. We don't want to be passed on, and forgotten. And some girls will use this want to their advantage. Like she did. Girls who don't want their ex's back until they see them with someone else. They'll jump on the chance to get him back, because it makes her feel accomplished. And maybe she does want him back, for the first two weeks until she starts realizing... "Oh, this wasn't really what I wanted. I'm going to go find someone else." Those are the girls who aren't fair. And those are the guys who are STUPID. They're all pretty stupid in one sense or another. But for the guy to take back the ex who used and abused him, or even if they didn't. You two are EX'S for some reason. Why are you complicating it by returning to that old relationship?

And it's the girls who are dumped who will get the brunt of it. She's the one who sits there and questions themselves. What did I do wrong? Maybe I should've tried harder, or called more, or just left him alone. Maybe I should've been more aware of what he was doing. Why didn't I see this coming? Maybe if my hair was longer, or my jeans were tighter. I shouldn't have worn that shirt, I shouldn't have worn so much eye makeup. But probably the question these girls will ask themselves the most is "What was I thinking?"

It's hard to let go of something you never wanted to let go of. Especially if part of you still doesn't want to.
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    sad sad

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today is horrible. my boyfriend dumped me, my dog is really sick, and I just realized that my car has a scratch in it! AWESOME. I fucking hate this. and all I wanna do is cry..

(no subject)

I really wanna go to FIT (Fashion Insitutue of Technology). it seems like such a great school, and I really like that it's in the city. but it's still not too far from home. only an hour or so. and it's not super expensive. they also don't even look at your SAT scores. which is a BIG plus for me. hahaha. IDK, it's definitely my #1 school as of right now. we'll see. I need to do my homework so I'm gonna do that.

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yo FUCK silent hill. it sucks SO badly. and not in the poorly acted/directed way. in the scare me to death way. I'd like to have a couple of words with the director of this movie. I don't understand how someone can think of the idea of pulling someones skin off, and hurdling it onto a church door. or the idea of finding a corpse wrapped in barbed wire inside an elementary school bathroom stall. I just sorta feel bad for the old lady. first her child is supposedly "evil", when she really isn't, and she pretty much sends her off to be horribly burned which leads her to become ACTUALLY evil and desperate for revenge. then she watches her torture and kill tons of people, and she's left with nothing. the cop too! that poor woman. she took a beating just so rose could get to her kid. they all still ended up screwed in the end. baaah, worst movie ever. and driving home after was NOT my favorite thing to do. oh and honestly, what cop wears boots up to her knees and tight leather pants? BULLLSHIT.

(no subject)

yo prom was lame as hell. boo to the music, boo to the food, and WAY boo to the people there. except for a few of them. FIRSTANDFORMOST to Ian. because he was the best prom date evaaaaaa. and he was the "kid with the mohawk" all night. hahaha. then Sam's house was fun, and the beach today was perfect. along with all the trollies we saw on the way there :] and keira's coming over soon, so this is donezo. especially since I think lauren and Ian might be the only two people who read this. hahahah <3

(no subject)

Jimmy from one tree hill was just on an easy mac commercial. and that reminds me that one tree hill is on tonight and that show kicks more ass than anything ever.


friday is prom :] and I guess I'm actually excited. and it's Jill's birthday today, which is sweet as hell. I think all my bestfriends now have their licenses. it's lovely. flava of love is the best show ever. hahaha I want it to thunderstorm, really badly. sorry I don't have anything interesting to write about.