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Oh Fuck. Here I Go Again.



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I'm going back to school in t-apx 32 hours. In those 32 hours I have to make sure I see Milo one more time before I take off, have a drive-by encounter with Beckah, do all my laundry, siphon through all my things and try to take less than I left with, pack without letting my dog on because she just stares at me and cries, clean my room out, put the futon mattress back up in the attic, and take Utsu out to the woods to let her run around. I can't tell if this is a lot or not, but it seems like it'll be a little stressful in the preparation to depart department.

Aside from that, I am so fucking ready to get the hell out of this place. Don't get me wrong. I love my friends to death. I love my dog. But I really can't stand my family anymore. Surprisingly, my level of liking has completely reversed since I got back. I prefer Kelsey and Dad to Stephy and Mom. However, these cats (aside from Kitty Kat, who is sweeter than evar) are one wrong move away from being crushinated. When they are in heat, they swarm around me like twin sharks, and when they aren't they hiss at me whenever I get to close. Egh. Hate. HAAATE.

The house is constantly filthy. Mostly the kitchen. I haven't eaten anything good for me since I got back. I gained back my pooch from not doing enough sit ups and not having a gym to go to. FAIL.

I don't know if I'll be coming back to visit or for any vacations. I just don't enjoy being here anymore. Aside from my friends, home just doesn't feel like home. Maybe its just because I can't be in the attic. That probably doesn't help, the room I'm in is colored like a box of nerds.

Anyway, I'm hyped to get back. Super hyped. I miss my dorm, my home, so much. I miss my roommates, and I'm excited and apprehensive at the same time to see how it goes with Mel there in Sashacunt's place. I just miss my apartment. Well, ok, I miss Chris too, way way more than the apartment. Even so, I know I'll freak out for lack of animals about a month in. Maybe I'll volunteer at a shelter or something. Its really hard for me not to have my dog around to cuddle with. She's the ultimate stress relievor.

Still, being in this house is, yet again, slowly chipping away at my sanity. I don't think my parents understand how well balanced I am when I'm not around all this mess and chaos. Also, people here are continually projecting their emotions on me. Gramma thinks me and Chris will end like Baron and Rachel, mom thinks we're like her and dad, and both of those are completely wrong, assinine assumptions. But I really don't want to talk about it to Mom because she's fucking batshit crazy and has no logic skills left from all the drugs and the Lupus. She's a completely different person now, and I know its because she's sick and sits in bed all day but I can't stand her anymore. She just has no idea about anything.

I don't know what I'm going to do this summer. Weither I'm going to try and get an apartment and a job, or if I'm going to just roll with it and come home. I just know I need to keep taking steps towards being more completely independant from my family. I know they'll always be there for me and all that, but I'm just kind of sick of their brand of support. I never thought I'd ever want to live in the city, but right now I can't think of anything else that I'd want to do more. The only thing honestly missing there is Utz. And if I get a place of my own that won't be missing either.
  • We did not end up like Rachel and Baron. He did not cheat on me. I am not stupid.
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