Good news everyone!!

Hee hee. Good news indeed! I am not only consistently a 4, but I have been allowed the opportunity to take my final calltaking test! This means, to you and me, that once passed, no coach will be admonishing my every move (just some of them, lol) and no more ratings on 19 levels, or at least until I start dispatch.

JOY!! Or as Dustin would say, Excellent! Or, as Casey has repeatedly said, "I TOLD YOU SO!"

I am really excited, and REALLY proud of myself. This is, undoubtedly, the hardest thing I think I have done, since maybe running that 16.6 in high school. I worked so hard for this, studying, learning voice inflection and tone, working with nine thousand working styles... it's really exciting to be able to say, lookit, I did it!

I will also now be in the pool of "shit, I got drafted". That will be a fun update! Traditionally, you get drafted on your first day. This month, four people went to part-time, in an idiotic bid to keep people in the center happy. So, no one may see me for quite a long time.

The ritalin is working wonders, too. I was doing good without it, but holy crap the difference is all in the pill. I can't wait to tell the dr on Friday to get a full Rx. I even made a list of what I have noticed with taking it, good and bad. The only side effect is a slightly raised heart rate in the afternoon, but I also noticed that i was drinking green tea about an hour before that *slaps forehead* of course it makes me have an elevated heart rate. Amphetamine + caffeine= jittery. Although, I have to say, I have been more caffeinated, and I wasn't nearly as jittery as I have been.

My list:

good: focusing, studying, getting great scores at work, listening, general quietness in my brain

bad: the jittery thing (my fault), making sure doses aren't overlapped too much (dizzy) and what happens when I go off the stuff (bah! intruding thoughts! not listening!)

Alls well that ends well. Onto the weekend! Eeee, weekend!
  • Current Music
    quiet silence for the first time ever?

medication is fun!

Well, I got my wish.... ritalin! Hooray! I took my first pill at 1350 (read: 1:50) and so far so good. My doc is VERY apparehensive about it, as there are some MAJOR bad side effects that could go with it; but so far so good. I feel.... alert. It's neat. I have gotten a bunch of things done (clean the patio, plant my planties, wash the dishes, called dustin, etc) and it's 1530 and I want to do more! I am under strict orders not to take it if I feel: faint, excited, an elevated heart rate for no reason, out of control or somehow really different than I did before. It's a stimulant, so I should feel calmer or about the same, not like really keyed up. All I feel right now is like I maybe had a cup of coffee, and am really motivated to do something. Motivated- not wanting to, not thinking about- like, get up and do it. Hmm. We'll see how the next ten days holds out; to get more, I have to go back and report how I'm doing.

In other health news, I am a cholesterol FIEND. It's all over me; worse than ever! 170!! Apparently the ortho-tri-cyclen lo is the culprit, estrogen is for some reason a cholesterol-raiser. Doc says that it is normal for it to do that (I have NEVER heard of that!) and I get mine checked in 6 months to see if a better diet and exercise will help it. He doesn't want me on like, lipitor, since I'm only 24 and none of those kinds of pills are accepted for younger patients (read: he's not going to prescribe it because it could probably work, he's going to because he knows it's safe and will work). I feel very conforted that he's so very particular about this all, despite that he missed all sorts of diagnoses with Casey's grandma.

Casey's grandma! So sick! First the no-blood thing, now a cancer in her abdomen, the 5-cocktail chemo, then a FREAKING HEART ATTACK, then angioplasty, then (less) chemo. In that order. Everything after the first in like, the last three days. If she holds out after this, she's freaking superwoman. Casey is really running scared of his cell phone ringing and getting "the call". I don't blame him. He came home last night smelling like hospital, and I couldn't stand it. I really like his grandma and I feel bad for her, then reminding me of papa with that it all makes me cry. He thinks it's odd I cry, but I'm sensitive, and I just don't like him being so scared and upset. So, get better Casey's grandma!

And then to top this all off, I get an email this morning that my mom says Aunt Debbie's mom Georgia had a stroke. NOT GOOD, PEOPLE. Is it just odd that sickness and death go in groups? It's like, all of a sudden, it's bad health month. Good lord.

Anything else? 1 three yesterday, woot! My coach says it's okay if I don't get those fours next week, but it's not for me. I'm getting those fours, and there's nothing anyone can do but just shut up and go along for the ride. Hee!
  • Current Music
    the sound of silence

the persuit of excellence

damn, damn the number three.

All my life I have been haunted/blessed by this number. In school I was number three in line. Threes pop up in random places, but somehow I always end up being some sort of three. And it's back.

Now this number signifies all that I don't want to be: failure, not quite there, an impending doom that I can't quite cut it. My threes are less, (only what, three today? lol) but they aren't fours, which I desperately want. I was so resolved today, I did so well- my coach wasn't even on the freaking floor today- and yet, threes show up again. Fours are the rule, fours and the only way. I think it was this one freaking call- that I didn't get the suspect info on a transient outside the location (granted it's campus, but its a freaking bum for chrissakes, and it's not like the officer wouldn't contact the inside callers. Sheesh. And apparently I still take too long to enter police calls; well, when they are complaining about things I CAN'T HELP and won't tell me outright WHAT IS WRONG when I clearly ASK THEM, so be it.

mmm. /end rant.

But I finished my wristwarmers!! They are uneven and don't quite fit the same. I don't care. My wrists are really warm and I like it. I plan some sort of nifty scarf next, not sure what. I could finish my black one, I could start something else (still got like six balls of that yarn! I do want to crochet something neat out of it...)

sigh. and I still need to go grocery shopping.
  • Current Music
    sex and the city


lol, the longer I go at work, the more and more I update less.....

finished a knitting project (FOR ONCE!) the other day... 1 knitted fingerless glove. I love it SOOO much, can't wait to get another one done. It's out of the supersoft black and white "kitty" yarn I bought so much of. Still learning how to make a good use of the blue kinky yarn. I'm thinking afghan, or something. And my new project I want is a knitted fiestaware tea set. It's sooo cute and would have made a cute project for nicole's baby... but she's having a boy! Oh NO! Well, maybe that means that this boy won't have to wear pink all day long and be treated like a princess. HOPEFULLY, because a boy princess is just....wrong.

Things are going ok at work. Still with coaches, not getting cut loose yet. But I'm doing okay, and my coach says not to get caught up in who's loose first because the more time with a coach is okay... I just want to know I'm still doing okay. She says yes :)

I got a super sweet mixer from Dustin! And he was super sweet to get it for me. I love it and owe him delicious cookies or cake for it.

Hmm. what else? Not much. Happy belated birthday to Dustin and Craig and Joe later this month. Like, EVERYONE in the center is born in April, it sucks. Food is everywhere. Oh well. Good times.
  • Current Music
    south park

a machine i tell you!

i am a blogging machine. i don't know why; guess i'm bored. It's my day off and I will squander it if i want to! ACTUALLY, i'm waiting up to go see sin city in a bit with casey and his work friend, robert. robert has had some very interesting history of late, it seems he picked up with this gal who used to work at safeway, who is recently divorced from a total psycho. (like, more than anyone I've heard of) I can't remember if he picked up with her when she was still married or not, but i want to think so. (friends will see why i am willing to put my initial freak-out about new people past me, as this whole history intrigues me). i guess casey was looking for a friend to go to the movie with since craig and joe and dustin all couldn't go. it's still odd though, because we could have had a sexy date instead. oh well. being three years (four? oh good lord, i think it is!) into this relationship, living together and such, i guess every day is a sexy date!

what else can i say? i swatched up some of the black yarn. it is luscious. it knits up beautifully, much better than crocheting, actually. i was suprised at that- it's worsted weight, but very fuzzy, so i thought it would crochet really well for a scarf. i tried some circular knitting, but that will obviously have to wait for some internet instruction- everything came out the same on my swatch. i think needle length may have something to do with it- i hope it's not impossible, as i am too scared to attempt a four-needle excursion right now! but i so want something with that lovely balls and nothing to wear! *cry*

i meant to make this really good dinner, but then spoiled it with yummy bread and cheese. dustin turned me on to this new box thai dish called "thai dinnner" in the peanut pad thai flavor. it tastes like glass noodles with a peanut soy sauce on it. DELICIOUS! i can't wait to make it with shrimp and chicken. and green onions, yum!

OH! I know what to blog about. my dr appt! I went in and actually asked to be put on add meds. like a good dr, he has sent me to a specialist to get tested. i wonder what it will say? i hope it says that i'm not, because then what is my excuse for not paying attention, getting bored easily and such? last night was awful. we had inservice all day- over all sorts of topics. now, usually i don't mind classroom things (learning!) but the last part was this video series on "the wildland urban interface" and i was about ready to scream. the videos had the same pictures running all throughout, the same actors, the same scenarios, the same DAMN INFORMATION. over and over. the phrase "wildland urban interface" in this whiny tone repeated every damn sentence, like it was going out of style. i don't know that anyone noticed. perhaps i do overthink things. and it was touted towards the actual firefighters, not people taking calls. then a guy from the Eastern Lane (not to be confused with the Western Lane) forest stood up and talked at lenght about the fire program they have and such. It's odd, when he was talking about trucks, i expected the light weight fire trucks, like the rural ones have, but he showed pics of like, ford trucks, with big flatbeds. huh. anyways, i am sitting there, shifting every ten minutes, scratching, figeting, screaming in my head at the screen. i sat in the front row, so i couldn't hide behind anyone, and it was just hell. i wanted to run from the room, as fast as i could, far away from the video and the evil man with the gargoyle nancy kerrigan teeth. (like a horse, honestly)

new tires today. my other ones were shot, as is my alignment, i found out. now i'm going to be all paranoid about it. i was looking at my tires, and one of them had a huge three inch crack in the rubber in between the place where the real cracks should be. i was really scared, becuase i'm not sure what that means for tires, but it can't be good. those tires are crap anyway; the back driver one has had two flats already, and the front ones never looked fully inflated, no matter how much i tended to them. now there are two shiny new ones on the car, and i am proud to say that my tires should actually respond a little bit more like i drive my car: fast and erratically! or at the very least, not veer off suddenly for no apparent reason. driving with me is such an experience; no one ever wants to do it because they feel like they are going to die at any moment. even when i am driving "safe" for their benefit. maybe i should have been a police office; i do like rules and order. but then again, i'm scared of everything.

nothing newer to report; still half an hour till casey gets home. and i'm kinda tired, oops. maybe i should nap?
  • Current Music
    sweet silence

now that's a guy who can pope!

Watching CNN cover the pope's death (sorry, catholics). It's kind of cool, and frustrating at the same time. The reporters really want to honor and know about this man who is forever shrouded in secrecy (as is the way with the vatican, and how it should be according to many) but then will interject these questions about his "controversial" views. Argh. Either discuss it hardball-style or just ask nice questions. It infuriates others when you don't.

My view about all this is that this is a man who was clearly willing to give of himself for whatever the church asks for. He was elected, he wasn't the next in line. His hands were tied with a lot of things: abortion, homosexuality, right-to-die, other religions, history, etc. Those are things we can't get on the same side of the fence on. But he also took his great compassion for people and really stood up for what he thought everyone should get: compassion and the ability to get closer to god, through him. He took "his act on the road" as one of the interviewers said, the most travelled pope in history. By visiting other nations, he brought his religion and the opportunity for growth and reconnection. He wrote in his book (before being pope) that "a person's actions define the person". Whatever you think, my favorite quote today for him is from one of the other bishop-guys: when talking with his friend, who was about as anti-pope as you could get, he replied on the new pope jean paul- "now that's a guy who can pope! i LIKE him!" LOL. I love the way that they have been using the term "pope" as a verb today. Maybe they can term it like "pimp"- when you decorate your house all religiously or ultra-renaissance, you are really "pope-ing" it out. *okay, maybe that's just me*

New rant about work day! Well, variations on a theme. So, my old supervisor takes me aside to wistfully tell me not to let my end of phase get to me. This does not make me feel better; in fact, now I have two supervisors who think I am doing okay, and then a super-supervisor who thinks I am incompetent. What the FUCK?

hmm. bought some new yarn today. er, seven new balls of a varigated fuzzy black and white yarn. It's sooooo soft, i can't even believe it. It's italian, i believe. my plans are some hand warmers and then maybe a vest or a scarf and hat. Whatever it becomes, I will love it until the very last thread.
  • Current Music
    pope history on cnn

a WOOT for a republican?

(posted from kightp's journal):

"When government becomes the means of carrying out a religious program, it raises obvious questions under the First Amendment. But even in the absence of constitutional issues, a political party should resist identification with a religious movement. While religions are free to advocate for their own sectarian causes, the work of government and those who engage in it is to hold together as one people a very diverse country. At its best, religion can be a uniting influence, but in practice, nothing is more divisive." - John Danforth, former US senator from Missouri, who resigned in January as United States ambassador to the United Nations. He is also an Episcopal minister.

Good lord, it's time someone else figured this out! I'm so sick of ranting about it. Now if we can get Bush on this bandwagon, we'll be getting somewhere.

ps: not to completely just run over the previous topic, but I offer my condolances to the catholic church, who are in the process of losing their beloved leader. Not a christian or catholic, but he was a nice man, and tried his best to unite peoples around the world rather than create edicts that divide them. That, and everyone deserves a little niceness when their beloved old grandpa dies :)
  • Current Music

A while

It's been a bit, ne? Mais oui!

So, got my DOR for my phase on Sunday. The day started out awful, so it made sense. Lillian had to work graveyard for marie, so she was in a spectacular mood. That was good. Then I had my end of phase, which I did not know was coming. An end of phase is a DOR of your whole time with your coach, essentially. My DOR was that my coach had rated me too high in the following areas that could use "significant improvement":
-talking too fast
-talking with the wrong inflection
-asking non-clarifying questions
-letting the caller talk to long
-interrupting the caller (see above, and if that makes sense to you. if it does, email me why)
-missing "critical statements" because i am either thinking about the call or plain stupid (my take)
-not knowing enough about the codes and crimes (i apparently need to study every minute of the day, including days off)
-in general just being crappy at multitasking and developing a "spit ear" and "split mind" connection, which is insanely difficult

As you can see, my Sunday was just one big bowl of creamy, soupy failure. Mmm, failure, bitch! And as a result, my eye hurts like fuck (dabbing at it too much) and looks like it, i am going into my next phase feeling like i am back in the first two weeks, instead of confident about answering the phone, knowing I can help this person (well, I can if I don't talk and study really hard first). And the feeling that my whole three weeks weren't well spent, since i just basically fucked up the calls I thought I really made skill headway on. Talk about your ego downers.

What else? went to the strippy club last night for dustin's b-day. He got SO fuckered up, i bet I wont' see him for a good two weeks. He spent 4 HOURS in there, all told, and probably quite a bit of the money he got from kyle for his electric guitar. But he did have a good time. strip clubs are interesting. The gals are nice to look at, but it's interesting- after a while, casey and i are just like, yeah, you're naked, congratulations... But other people are like, oh man, she's naked, what is she going to do next, oh boy she is looking at me, she likes me.... etc. poor joe's eyes nearly fell out. I left mid way through, casey thought we all would leave, but he had to go back and get dustin and the rest, since they didn't want to go home yet. he really didn't like that. craig would have left, he said, and he was right. the black gal was there, and so we had to support her for craig, since he had to work. being a girl, the strip club gals are all over you immediately. it takes the ick factor away, and they like that. you get free admission, they come over and fawn all over you. one of the gals made everyone sit up front for a bit and i got a face full of boobs, much to everyone's content. at least she smelled nice; the other girl came face to face and smelled like cigarrettes. but i bet the rest of them will be jerking to that for a while.

sigh. stupid daytime. all bright out and shit. they are cleaning the apt next door, the carpet people's vaccuum is loud and bad. I hate the noise. I'd like to go wake up casey but he should sleep until he wakes up naturally- he won't be able to sleep with the carpet cleaner dudes once he wakes up. i need to call about contacts and add meds. i don't want to go in for either, but i'm not sure if they will just give me presecriptions for both. maybe a trial for each? best case scenario, let's see about that.

okay, time to feel useful in my last day off (stupid adjustment days!) i get saturday,sunday,monday off again, so that's good. and i don't have to be at work until eleven, a better deal. but still. i don't like that it's sunday- i haven't even gotten a saturday!
  • Current Music
    VH1 video countdown


It's that time again. The world's asleep; albeit for the hard workers in the 24-hour field. I'm growing to like this time of night; it's so quiet, no one can bother me, tivo has provided me with programming I want to watch, the internet is full of new sites to explore, I can think to myself. It calms down in the center too. Calls won't pick up again until six o'clock. You can almost feel the hum of the city start around then- cars go up and down the street, the sun rises, calls start trinkling in; letting you know that it's time to start (or in my case end) another day.

Before she ran out early on me, my coach congratulated me on a good week and in making good progress. I was happy with that, but she still hasn't given me my DORs, or really actually did anything she planned out for me. We still clash sometimes; she's barking out an order when I should have been listening to what the caller is saying. But because of her, I'm getting good at the database stuff, learning the LEDS system better. That's very good, I'll be ahead when it comes to learning station 1. I guess I just have to keep trying. I am getting better with the medical cards- I can even find a flow with the exit cards, so it doesn't sound awkward and robotic. My policy rule knowledge is better too, the last dog bark call I knew I couldn't take before I started in on why we wouldn't go. My loud noise call will get better soon too; now I know what to do when the caller calls back and says it stopped (idiots!).

My working out regimen is all fuckered up. Dammit. I was supposed to run this week, but here it is wednesday and I'm doing nothing. Maybe I'll go when the gym opens up this morning in a few hours. Then I can get tired for bed. I'm still not tired when I go to bed; I wonder if I should just try staying up a few hours longer, and sleeping to the start of my shift? I can't believe that would work, but I kind of find myself with an hour before work that I can't possibly fill.

Going to dinner with the rents tomorrow, that should be fun. I like dinner at Oakway, yummy! I can fill them in on my odd and scary calls, and they can get their quota of me. Casey might come too, I hope he does. I really want them to like him, I like him so much. The won't hate him automatically, but my mom really does want to see more of him to see what I have found so damn appealing.

Hmm. Not a lot to say. I have so much laundry it's incredible. I really should do it, but I hate going out in the night. Walking to my car fifty feet away is one thing, through the complex is quite another. So it sits in my room, largely consuming the space around my bed, begging to be done. We'll see, my pretties.

Bah, nothing to write about... time to watch tivo. God bless the e-vcr and all it possesses.
  • Current Music
    the sweet quietness of night