April 19th, 2003


Yesterday and very other day..

Haven't been updating my journal as much as i wanted to due to unseen forces. (kay a bit drama, but wad the heck) What have i been doing? I have been eating, thinking(yes pple, i HAVE been THINKING) and sleeping, or rather dreaming.

First things first. I realised that i have a few friends who are v v thick skinned. Not the lovable thick skinned type like DND but the horrible-till-i-really-want-to-flare-up-at-you type. I can be v mild mannered but when i get angry, man, u wouldn't want to see me. D always said that i'm 2 totally different persons rolled into one. Step on the wrong button and boom! i switch from nice girl to an atomic bomb killing everyone who crosses my path. Ms Atomic bomb doesn't comes out too often. But she has been dying to come out of her tiny live in place to see a little sunlight. So i guess i better meet less pple these few days or at least just meet pple whom i want to see. I fear that when i tok to pple that i dislike, the trigger will go off oh~ I don't want to try that on anybody. But my family isn't helping. So i spend my days out of the house or being cooped up in my room. Even when i go to the kitchen to get something to drink the radio goes to on mode and i get really really agitated. I need to tame my temper a bit. And i think i'm living a v unhealthy lifestyle(mentally)

Been thinking about things. D has been telling me that i think too much. To the extent that i've been dreaming abt them and not getting enough sleep in return. Anyway, i should go for a jog later in the evening to destress. Jogging always helps me to think better and to relax.

I do have a lot of things say but have no idea how to say it. When i meet pple, i clam up. They don't understand me well enough to do things the way that i do. I'm not normal, so things can't get done in the normal way. I have to make a few twists and turns to get on the right track. Sometimes, my friends think that i try too hard to be nice. Little do they know that when i when i throw some sarcasm at them, it is not meant to be a joke but it's how i really feel abt them. That is also why these days, i have been suaning some pple a lot. And for the others i haven been talking much to them. Been trying to get all the hateful words out and let pple think that i'm just joking. Let them be morons and let them think that they are great. I like being able to curse them aloud. These are the thick skinned no brainers who can't tell the diff between my dead panned expression from my usual chirpy self. I MUST distance myself from these pple. It is bad for health. (Including my friends')

It's Shini's birthday today!! Happy 20th Birthday!

Enough of thing atomic bomb thingy~ When she comes out, i'll tell everyone of you and everyone can take measures to stay at least 12 feet away from me.

Went to have ma la huo guo with Josh yest. Next time i go there, i want to try the one with all the oil and the spices only. The 1st one(the original) was really no kick. Really like the final specimen where the entire pot was made up of chili oil and spices. Maybe i'll bring the s15 girls to the place after our exams.

After that went to catch a play at the trinity christian church. All in the name of good friday and easter. *sigh* No more easter eggs this yr. Nor will there be any bunnies for me. The only pple whom i noe celebrated easter with chocolate easter eggs or bunnies have all gone someplace. Guess i'll have some Mar's bars instead.

Realised that most guys have complicated issues. The guys that i met yesterday were all head over heels for ladies who were attached and they were all caught in the same dilema. Some of them were thinking like men, and the others, still thinking like boys. The mature way of thinking: She's happy i'm happy, it's not about possession. Let her settle her problems first den go after her. The immature? Try to make her break up with her bf by telling her how bad her bf is and constantly reminding her that he himself is the best guy for her. Sometimes, i really wonder what is between the ears of this group of pple. (the immature ones that is) Air? Empty space?

Just had this sales person who came here offering a fantastic hooters restaurant packages. Too bad i'm not staying there anymore and no one appreciates fine dining in my group of friends. I really should do something about it. But the people living here are all ah peks. Not interested in them.

Jo has got her own issues as well, she is not allowed to go to chuch anytime soon. I have no idea the reason behind this but i think that her dad shouldn't do this. From my point of view, the more u refrain someone from doing something, 2 things will happen. The 2 Rs, Rebel and Regret. If i want to do something. I don't want anyone to stop me from doing it or order me ard. Advice is different from instruction. So, to do what i want to do, i rebel, and continue doing it. Sometimes hurting myself and others in the process probably leading to regret. Or something good will come out of it and i can proudly tell duz who tried to stop me to scram and that they haf horrible foresight. If i choose to follow what these pple want me to do. And stop, i might regret it for the rest of my life. What will happen to living a life without regrets? We should think out of the box. Find treasures in uncanny places. Still, parents are too much in her case. I don't see what is wrong woth going to church. Up till now, not one of these people can give me a proper reason as to y we can't choose our own religion and i think these people ought to have their brains checked once in a while. I'm sure that their intentions are good but the way that they are doing it is definately wrong. So Jo, jia you. Not being able to go to church does not mean that you will break the relationship with the one up there. It's what's in ur heart that counts. You can still do it in the comfort of ur own room. Get ur bf to record the ongoings. When there's a will there a way. And ur dad does not need to find out. Be discreet and continue to talk to GOD. And maybe understand urself better in the process. Cheer up okie! =)

I should be starting on my Dynamics soon. Will write more. In the mean time, enjoy your chocolates, be nice and lurve ya all. Happy Easter! =)
  • Current Mood
    aggravated aggravated

Honeymoon destination...

  • Current Mood
    impressed impressed