Elli: OMG! I was just thinking about how I wanted Olive Garden! I neeeeeed the breadsticks!!! Today is my cousins birthday, maybe we'll go!
From the moment I knew we were going to Olive Garden I knew that I must not eat a thing until we get there. I want to make sure my stomach is as empty as possible so I can fill it up with those scrrrrrrumptious breadsticks and savory salad.
Me: Hi! Table for 4 please, first available.
Host: That'll be about an hour and 30 to an hour and 45 minutes wait.
Me: ::blink blink::...ok, thanks.
I walk outside and yell...What the fuuuuuuuuuuck?!?!?! Almost 2 hours to waaaaaaaaaait!!!!! Waaaaaaaaaaah!!!
Elli: Get a hold of yourself Trixi, it'll be ok! It'll be well worth the wait.
So we go on inside and have a seat in the waiting area. Elli and I are passing the time as best we know how in sucha situation...make fun or make some sort of comment about every person that passes.
Me: That girl over there sho is stacked in tha back!!!
Elli: Holy Shit! That is a dyke and a half, too bad the guy she's with doesn't know it!
Me: That asian girl over there is very pretty.
Elli: That man over there is the shortest man I've ever seen who isn't a midget or a dwarf!
I decide that I need to apply some chapstick to my parched lips and as I rumage through my bag to find it, my hand hits something. I immediately remember what it is and pull it out of my bag like it was the fuckin' heart of the ocean from Titanic...a York peppermint pattie. Sherene and I both look at eachother like....YUMMMY FOOOODD!!! I open the wrapper to see that the chocolate looks a tad spotty (a lil too much time in the purse if you ask me). Then Ellie says...Shit, I'll still eat it. Then I say...ME TOO! So we split it and savor it like it was the last food we'll ever ge to eat LOL.
After and hour and 30 fucking minutes they call us. YIPPEEEEEEEE! We order our food quicker than you can say PNEUMONOULTRAMICROSCOPICSILICOVOLCANOCON
The food arrives, Chicken Breast stuffed with smoked Italian cheeses with pasta and sauce on the side...to die for.
Dessert...Berry Crostada...where have you been all my life? Your flaky crust...tantilizing. Your hot berries...titilating. Your vanilla ice cream topped with sweet sweet syrup...orgasmic. Ohhhh how sweet it is...It's something I'll always remember.
And that ain't the only reason I'll fuckin' remember it!!!
Right after we finished our dessert...
Elli: ::sniff sniff:: SOMEBODY FARTED!!!
Girl at table behind us: IT SMELLS LIKE ROTTEN EGGS!!!
Elli's 26 year old cousin Becka: OH MY GOD!!!
Waiter: I'M GOING BACK IN THE KITCHEN!!!
Becka's 5 year old daughter Cristy: Run away!!!
It was the most ungodly stench I've ever had my nose around. Yet, it smelled oddly familiar...Elli and I both guessed that it was one of those stink bombs that highschool kids drop in school to gross everyone out. Becka insisted that the stink bomb came out of someone's ass. Anyway, it ruined the whole shiznit, we didn't even have a chance to sit for two minutes while our food was settling in our bellies, we had to spring up from the table like jack rabbits to get away from the fumes....whatta waste.
As we're leaving, naturally, I yell..."Elli!!! Why the hell did you fart like that?!?!"
And naturally she charges at me like a bull. Eh, it was worth the laugh. lol
Despite the shit stank, it was a nice trip to the O.G. for dinner...hope to go again soon.
_jinx_in_pink_ aka Trixi (blame my parents)