August 9th, 2002

My ping replies

I was just looking through mIRC The programme I used ages ago back when I used to IRC, and I discovered me old ping replies.

Whenever I was pinged, a little script would '/notice' people with an amusing little annecdote randomly generated from a list.

Heh, some of them were quite funny.

They are mainly quotes of things people have said or topics that have been set in #starbug.

I have listed them here again in full for you enjoyment and highlighted the funnier ones in bold.

I appologise for not using <lj-cut> perhaps as much as I could have done, but I thought I'd do a one-off and post a big post. If it really bugs people then let me know and I'll lj-cut the whole thing.

Anyway, enjoy!

Oh, before I start - can users who have val, kym or josh on their friends list, let them know I've posted this as there are no doubt quotes here they'd find funny.


[0] Nought hundred and noughty nought

[1] Excuse me, but have I left a sheep on your head?

[2] Suck my sweaty nut sack

[3] You poor fucking humans

[4] Please do not ping me again. My computer is directly connected to the Soviet atomic missile controls and pinging me will cause an inevitable nuclear holocaust

[5] Keep clear of Xeno, he's contagious


[7] mIRC with random quit messages (i.e. mIRC has performed a general production fault, please reboot)

[8] You are feeling sleepy, veeeeeeery sleepy

[9] I'm sitting here completely naked, watching you

[10] I know where you live, and I am now on day release

[11] Sesame street has been brought to you by the number 69 and the letters B and J

[12] Bloody Benzene Ring!!!!!!!!!!!

[13] Reality.sys is corrupt - please restart universe

[14] Blessed are the cheesemakers

[15] Help! My chicken's on fire!

[16] Chocolate covered wanking tissues

[17] Andy-pandy pickle and pie, he fucked all the boys and made them high, When the girls came out to play, Andypandy said 'I'm gay

[18] Keep clear of altran, he's got footcheese

[19] MiNdLeSs ViOlEnCe

[20] Bring back the fucking evil psychopath

[21] Well Wibble me Wobbly

[22] Bad food costs more at Tesco

[23] We must perform a quirkafleeg

[24] Yeah, I know Quentin, he's... he's a real jerky

[25] Hey monkey, get funky

[26] Its whom not who.

[27] All I want

[28] Suit you sir

[29] Bad boy, Naughty boy, in your bed!


[31] Your watching Thames Television, broadcasting on the London transmitters of the independant broadcasting authority.

[32] Karma Karma Karma Karma Karma Chameleon

[33] Give it to me baby!!

[34] Half way down the East wall

[35] <_AJR_> Hmm? Oh, I'm busty

[36] dsns are a very scary people.

[37] Oi you robbing bastards! That's our tandem!.

[38] I'm not sick. Just misunderstood.

[39] "He's gone out to have a fag" is not something you want to say in a crowded American hotel lobby when your mum asks where your dad is.

[40] <SpikeVamp> oh a new way to stick it out

[41] Stand back! I have Kiwi!

[42] I have couscous...

[43] I have Janice's Laugh, and know how to use it...

[44] I have a small skrewdriver called Gerald.

[45] A finger of Fudge is just enough to give your kids a treat

[46] Short people keep from ajr - you could have an eye out

[47] GO COMMANDO NICKY! - He has more than just a trademark.

[48] <_AJR_> rk : Furry too. d'you wanna feel it?

[49] <_AJR_> small, me? nah, I'm large, me.

[50] Ouroboros, you can taste his love every time you swallow

[51] Kellogg's Poptarts are popping up everywhere (keep out of reach of AJRs)

[52] <_AJR_> the more you can taste the salt, the better. =)

[53] Do teachers with motorbikes have leather jackets with tweed armpads?

[54] How come you can never get the chipsticks in red packets anymore?

[55-82] Sinclair Spectrum Error commandsCollapse )

[83-144] Jetset Willy room names.Collapse )

[145] My Penis is called Ryan Macklin.

[146] "Hi, I'm a woman, and hey girls, you know how tricky that 'special' time of the month can be? Well thats why I use AJR Ultra. AJR ultra has an extra smooth tip, so I can get on with my life. I always feel confident with AJR inside me - AJR Ultra. The world doesn't stop, so why should you?"

[147] Nick Honeywell sussen Arsch susser Saft, Macht mich sehr betrunken ohne Smirnoff Ice.

[148] Wadda Hadda Dudda Da!

[149] Bum would be perfection

[150] Jim � un dio del sesso di volo con una salsiccia grande quale tutti adoriamo

[151] Sanity is a cute ickle fish.

[152] This has been an OUROBOROS Colour Production for EFNet (C) MM

[153] "Mum's gone to Bejam." - Doesn't really have the same ring to it, does it?

[154] Ouroboros - Now in minty fresh flavour

[155] Ouroboros - Providing sexiness to the deprived.

[156] Ouroboros - Now available in a squeezy bottle

[157] Ouroboros - Because you're worth it

[158] Ouroboros - Wash the Jim back in

[159] Ouroboros, the better soaker-up-er, Ouroboros!

[160] You know, when you've been Ouroborosed

[161] Nine out of ten cats prefer Ouroboros

[162] Ouroboros - He's a no nonsense kinda guy

[163] Ouroboros - Slightly gayer than Nick Honeywell

[164] "Excuse me, I've just come."

[165] _AJR_ is really one big script designed by Polyhedra


[167] Ouroboros - if he was a woman, he'd wear pantyliners instead of tampons

[168] If you ever have sex with Val, make sure Tiddles is out

[169] #starbug stud.

[170] *SCORE!*

[171] Ladies, listen up! Unlike Shadow4, Ouroboros Ping Reply 1.1b has PINGNUM! type /ctcp $nick PINGNUM <number>, to let YOU choose which wonderful Ouroboros ping reply *YOU* receive. (whilst stocks last. Ouroboros Ping Reply 1.1b can go down as well as up. Your _AJR_ is at risk if you do not keep up repayments on Ouroboros Ping Reply 1.1b. Ouroboros Ping Reply 1.1b is regulated by the PPRA written quotations available on request.)

[172] #Space man, I always wanted you to go, into space, man!


[174] <_AJR_> ach, but they go so well with val's black knickers

[175] Is sex with a hologram necrophilia?

[176] <_AJR_> val : I'm commando! Ok?

[177] <AJR> ouch, that's my cervix you're bashing

[178] <EvilTroll> Bastard, I'll get you you nipple wrenching, pony fuck maggot of a minge licking stoat

[179] Give snoopee $200 and she will let you suck Nick's kung-fu penis

[180] <SAJR> And then, disaster! I had to put my willy on the g spot!

[181] Wheeels on fire, rolling down the road. Best notify my next of kin, this wheel shall explode!

[182] This has been a Cyclian COLOUR Production for EFNet (C) MM

[183] <valcano> imagine having sex with a woman!

[184] <EvilTroll> Yeah AJR: You should always wear a comdom while been given oral sex by a demon

[185] <ang_grrr> It's Hailing Sperm... alleluia <ang_grrr> it's hailing sperm, amen!

[186] <UUberPimp> I bet Elmo takes it in the ass, gets his nut off, and falls asleep while you're stuck wiping his seed off the clock radio.

[187] <SyKochiK> i was also thinking of elephant tampons tho

[188] #Neighbours, Everybody needs good Neighbours, Just a friendly wave each morning, Helps to make a better day!

[189] #Neighbours, Need to get to know each other, Next door is only, A footstep, Away.

[190] #Neighbours, Everybody needs good Neighbours, With a little understanding, You can find the perfect blend!

[191] #Neighbours, Should be there for one another, Thats when good Neighbours become good, Friends.

[192] Ouroboros, He's 54% bastard

[193] Ouroboros, He's a Mentor, he is.

[194] <valcano> i laughed so hard my asshole exploded and left a fine film of jism all over brian's greasy wang from when eminem fucked me in the ass last week.

[195] Suck the greasy cock of the Dark Lord

[196] <Ouroboros> val - you have gay incest with your evil twin? <valcano> jim: yes. yes i do.

[197] <valcano> it's not just lesbian sex. <valcano> i'ts EVIL lesbian sex.

[198] <_AJR_> oh, bugger. i had a floppy dick

[199] <_AJR_> "in a bit", I said. my bits aren't short.

[200] #All we are saying, is give peace a chance.

[201] Imagine there's no heaven, Its easy if you try. No Hell below us, Above us only sky

[202] Imagine all the people, Living for today

[203] Imagine there's no country, it isn't hard to do. Nothing to kill or die for, And no religion too

[204] Imagine all the people, Living life in peace

[205] You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope some day you'll join us, and the world will be one

[206] Imagine no possessions, I wonder if you can. No need for greed or hunger, a brotherhood of man

[207] Imagine all the people, Sharing all the world

[208] You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope some day you'll join us, and the world will live as one

[209] Ouroboros - He's testicle-licking good!

[210] <EvilTroll> "Just for the fuck of it, Diet semen

[211] <moar> Ew. Semen.

[212] <_AJR_> Colin : Get yer butt down and do me!

[213] <AJR> HEY! Who bit my knob off?!

[214] * Shinigami is proud to say that no one has ever pissed on her tits

[215] <chikara> there's a pussy on my pussy!

[216] _AJR_ - the best cure for wangular softitude

[217] #One letter, is only a part of it, one letter, is only a start of it, #Jim'll fix-it, Jim'll fix-it for you, and you-and-you and ba-ba-ba.....

[218] 104.9, XFM

[219] Jessica Chislett, is a very sexy feline

[220] Jim - A.K.A. "Black Jesus"

[221] hadaka no toki

[222] kieusure

[223] <Shinigami> omae wa chikan da; omae wa baka da; omae wa kusotare da = you are a pervert, fool, arsehole (respectively)

[224] Why call it "new years eve?" why not "old year's day?"

[225] <AJR> Come back! My wang has serious growth potential!

[226] woooooooooooooahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, body-for-orm, body form for you!

[227] <AJR> tsk, what's wrong with meaningless sex? (and that wasn't an offer! =) )

[228] * furree licks Tafka * AJR comes like a girl <AJR> i'm coming on men!

[229] <_AJR_> blimey. if getting a handjob makes you say "OWW!!", someone's doing something wrong.

[230] <AJR> ooh, just remembered, I was going to try and find the cheapest place to get Buffy sex...

[231] People who say they have constipation, are just full of shit

[232] How come you never get Mouse flavoured catfood?

[233] Todays topic : how many times has simon cummed in a row, tonight.

[234] Porno Chuckle Brothers : In me! In you!

[235] <ang_grrr> ironed jeans is awful, that's the sort of thing dsn would do

[236] <ang_grrr> do you often think of caressing Nick's thighs while you are basting the turkey?

[237] Its Official! dsn does *NOT* iron his jeans!

[238-625] All the train stations on the London Underground.Collapse )

[626] #I've got more ping replies than Nick Honeywell! Na NA Na NAA NA! #I have 627, Na na NANAA Na!

[627] My Right Testicle is called Nick Honeywell

[628] My Left Testicle is called Pipere Lebo

[629] My Nutsack is called Dave Noble

[630] Nick Honeywell - now with drop-down pants

[631] <AJR> I'm a sex machine, of course.

[632] <AJR> mmm penis

[633] * AJR tickles Piwwocks genetalia * Pillock shoots orange

[634] * AJR takes a bite then spits out white stuff.

[635] Question of the day - Do you think dsn wears a manthong? Answers on a postcard to

[636] <ang_grr> no, I think dsn wears y fronts which he irons

[637] <makaioh> "whoa, Earth has just been invaded by aliens... better get nekkid!"

[638] <AJR> I love Jack Dee. In a strictly homosexual way.

[639] * AJR licks Joshy in the butt

[640] <laserboy> Si : Have you tried a Whip? That's good creamy fun, that is.

[641] Daveina Noble - The rich business woman who

[642] <AJR> I'm there in a naughty school uniform with stockings 'n that.

[643] <Raditz> ok, then, who wants to bitch Nick!

[644] <laserboy> val : i was positively brimming with gayness, i tell you

[645] <dsn> and we can get SqueakyG to come on AJR

[646] <Mowkloo> i'm in ryan's cunt

[647] <AJR> gay sex? even in the most barren of periods I'd be up for a bit of gay sex.

[648] * laserboy looks for his moist vagina

[649] <laserboy> i want oral sex from Beppe di Marco.

[650] <AJR> im the poof! <AJR> big gay poof!

[651] Archway

[652] * laserboy is a homo queer gay rentboy

[653]<laserboy> i'm strictly butt-side up.