(no subject)

I'm so sorry.

I am. You have no idea how intensely I hated you for so long, without really knowing anything. And I'll admit it, I still don't. I know a little more--enough to realize I was wrong, but not enough to really know you.

I miss you, the old you before we were overtaken by mutual jealousy and general idiocy, but I'll probably never see or talk to you again. I hope you have a good life. You and I are more alike than I would probably like to admit. We can't handle stress. We put ourselves down. I won't go into more specific areas.

I am happy with my life right now. And for the first time in a long time, I genuinely want you to be happy with yours as well.

I'm done with it--hating you. I'm done with a lot of things now; you'd be surprised how much I've grown up and how much more I've learned how to experience and how much less emphasis I put on appearing to be perfect and how much more I speak my mind. I'm sick of being so superficial, and I know I have been. I'm sick of feeling alone just because the people that I want to like me don't. I'm so blind. I can't see what's right in front of me.
In the same way, I'm sick of having these (latent, admittedly) bitter feelings toward you. So I'm just not going to anymore.

You don't even know if I'm talking to you for sure, and you might not ever read this (probably not), but I just wanted to put this out there. My first LJ post in so long. And it still doesn't say what I want it to, because somehow the things that swirl around in my head never come out right, at least not when I'm trying to address myself to someone.

I'm so sorry.