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it makes me smile when i think of you and your brown eyes
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in _insane_mascara's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, December 28th, 2004
3:29 pm
im missing livejournal.but no ones here anymore.:(
I Livejournal

Current Mood: sad
Monday, December 13th, 2004
8:25 pm
i just wish you'd open up your big brown eyes and look the hell around, & see that i'm absolutely crazy about you. <3

Current Mood: crushed
Sunday, December 12th, 2004
3:31 pm
If i could tell you that i love you i would. but i'm so scared that you'll laugh at me and walk away. i guess we'll remain friends. but i love you, you'll just never know

i keep trying to convince myself that i hate u, that ur the most annoying person on earth, but theres still that little voice in the back of my head that keeps saying "ur lying"

I cant get mad at u for hurting me over and over again, bcuz over and over again .. i let u *

she's got you falling head over h e e l s
i can't even get you to * s t u m b l e

nothing hurts more than watching the one you love, love some1 else

~.:I hate it when people ask if Im okay...
it just reminds me that Im not:.~

Everyone sees who I appear to be, but only a few know the real me, You only see what I choose to show, there's so much behind my smile you just don’t know

If a star fell from the sky every time that I thought of you there would be none

dont lead me on and leave me confused
id rather be left alone then have my heart abused

Current Mood: crushed
12:04 am
The fact that you're not answering leads me to believe that (a) you're not home, (b) You're home but you don't want to talk to me, or (c) You're home, desperately want to talk to me, but you're trapped under something heavy. If it's either (a) or (c), please give me a call."

^^^<3 this one
Friday, December 10th, 2004
3:42 pm
It's amazing how one simple thing can make everything change. How suddenly you go from the love of his life to an old friend. And when you see him with somebody knew he acts like nothing even happened, you're just an old friend. And it still hurts you to see him with her. And it hurts you that you suddenly went from the love of his life to an old friend. What hurts the most is that he isn't an old friend to you, he's still the love of your life. That's the part that's so amazing about it

I just realized today, I'm in love with you but I'm in love with the you I used to know. You've changed soo much. Too much. All i can do is hope for the real you to come back, and then maybe being in love won't be so bad..

i've gone through this before.. and thats why i dont get why this is so hard for me to deal with... its the simple fact that he just doesnt want me like i want him, i guess, maybe, its so hard because for a while there.. he made me feel like he did... maybe thats the difference.
Thursday, November 25th, 2004
6:43 pm
You promised you wouldn't be like the others, but what do you call what you're doing to me now, ignoring me, making me wonder? I thought you were different, but I guess I was wrong - I wish you would prove me right instead. I don't wanna say goodbye once again - Stop breaking my heart.

Current Mood: worried
6:35 pm
♥I think I'm falling for him hard again, but I know how he feels for her, so I'm here acting like I don't love him, but really, I love him... more than anything.

♥I love that i can't get enough of you,
but i'd be lying if i said, i didn't expect it..

♥I refused to let her have you. I tried everything in my power to get you back in my arms. But it just wasn't enough to pull you away from her

♥Won't you come over?
You know that you want to.
How does it feel to know
I still want you?

♥I loved you as much as I could, without actually BEING in love with you. You were my best friend. When I was in your arms, I was the happiest person alive. When you let me go... I felt like the ground was pulled from under me. Why didn't I see that glow in your eyes anymore? Is it because of her? I bet it is

Current Mood: exhausted
6:33 pm
♥...And I don't understand by the way you look at me why we can't be together.

♥I hate the feeling u get when u think u dont realli like him..
but when u see him with another girl..u cant help but cry

♥something i noticed about you is that you
can always make me smile, even when the sky
is full of clouds and theyre all raining on
me .. even when the world comes crashing
down at my feet. i hope you know, i love you

♥I know that you didn't mean it and I know that you think saying sorry will make it better, but that's not how the world works. It's an imperfect world and feelings just don't go away that fast. So either you never really loved me or you're just hiding it because you're scared. Well let me tell you, hiding something will get you nowhere and lying sure as hell won't make you happy so go ahead and leave me but in the end you will see your mistake and come back. But you know what? I won't be here.

♥I said I didn't miss you at all and that I didn't want you to call and that I never cried but to tell you the truth...I lied.

Current Mood: crushed
6:32 pm
♥He can be so nice, then so mean... He can care and protect, make you laugh, and at the same time play games with your head… And after he's done with that, he'll tear your heart out, rip it into the smallest fragments known to man and leave it on the floor, while all you can do is stand there, not being able to cry because you're so numb, because you thought that there was something there, when really there was nothing but a wayward boy out to break a poor girls fragile heart, because he didn't know what he wanted

♥You're allowed to break the rules when you want someone bad enough. My friends tell me to let go. They don't think he's right for me. Well, I need him so I'm going to keep holding on tight until he realizes he needs me too.

♥How far do I have to go to make you understand
I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't
Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are
So I'm gonna walk away
And it's up to you to say how far

♥I've been lying here all night, listening to the rain, talking to my heart; trying to explain why sometimes I catch myself wondering what might have been. I guess I do think about you, every now and then.

Current Mood: curious
6:30 pm
♥Everyone asks me why i like a guy like you
-who ignores me, rejects me,confuses me,
i wish i could answer them but i dunno, i just do
♥youre the closest thing to perfect ..
- but the farthest thing from me –
♥It's been so long
I should just move on
There's other fish in the sea
But I keep hoping that you'll swim back to me
♥i’ll always be beside you until the very end, wiping all you tears away, being your best friend. i’ll smile when you smile & feel all the pain you do, & if you cry a single tear, i promise i’ll cry too.

Current Mood: crushed
Friday, November 19th, 2004
6:01 pm
i watch you
watching her
and there’s that look in your eye
the look you used to give me.
It's not like im jealous

Current Mood: crushed
Monday, November 8th, 2004
11:54 am
- there are a million things i could say to him about how i feel, but i cant get past hello

- im old enough to know better, but to young to care

- my life is rapidly becoming the punch line of a bad joke

- its weird, when youre a kid you have this picture of how your life is going to be, and it never crosses your mid that it wont work out that way

- sometimes i wish i could fast forward to see if it's all worth it

- when i was little all i wanted to be was a princess*
now that im older, all i want to be is yours <|3

- .but the craziest thing is knowing after all the pain he has put you
through the thought of him is the only thing that makes you smile <3

- I always knew in the back of my mind the day would come when you would fall for another girl but I never wanted it to. I know I have no right to tell you not to do it because it's not like you're mine or ever have been, but I wish I could and I wish you would listen. This is a hurt I've never experienced before; my heart breaking, stomach aching, head spinning, whole body hurting just because of you. All I can do is cry even though that's not getting me anywhere. If you saw me crying you wouldn't even know the reason and I don't have the strength to tell you. So I'll have to find the strength, not to tell you the reason for my tears, but the strength to move on

Current Mood: crappy
Thursday, November 4th, 2004
5:27 pm
+and its safe to say ..
that im officially missing you ..

+I'm going to smile like nothings wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend like its not hurting me.

+Maybe I am foolishly in love with someone that is not exactly on the same page that I am on. Well all my friends keep telling me to stopwalking round so blindly but when he calls they're not around to ever remind me..

+Can't seem to get past how he makes me feel, may not be love but it feels so real. Can't go with what they say, must follow my heart but now is that even being true to me? Maybe I'm happy, truly content. Maybe this is as good as it gets.Do I have faith in my confidence or am I just thinking all hopelessly?

+Honestly, I'm crazy about him. But that doesn't make me stupid. I've been hurt enough times to learn my lesson. It's not like he's the only guy who looks at me. And why would I waste my time on someone who doesn't appreciate me, when you and I both know I could do so much better? He knows where to find me if he wants, but my world's not going to stop and wait for him. And if he does come back, who's to say that I'll even be here when he does?

+You can make me want you anytime you want to.


Current Mood: gloomy
5:26 pm
i am sick of wondering where he is and who he is with
i hate facing the fact he didnt give a shit but the
feelings are passing and i am learning what is true
" never love someone that doesnt love you "

Current Mood: crappy
5:22 pm
I know that things between us are pretty much beyond repair right now. And I wouldn't ever presume to try and make everything better with a conversation, so that's not what this is -- but I just wanted to tell you, I wanted to say ... I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the pain it caused you. But mostly I'm sorry for my part in it. But mostly I'm sorry because I miss our friendship. And however far off it may be, I look forward to the day that we can be friends again

Current Mood: curious
5:10 pm
(most perfect quote i have found)
i've loved you for a while now & you knew
it all along but it seems the whole time i've
just been sitting back n watching you love
just about every other girl - e.x.c.e.p.t.m.e -
i obviously dont have what you want so I
think its time to let go because i cant keep being
the [ only girl ] in your life that d.o.e.s.n.t.m.a.t.t.e.r

Current Mood: crushed
Wednesday, October 27th, 2004
9:24 pm
-Next time I say I'm fine but seem anti-social just remember this. I'm fucked up, insecure, neurotic, and emotional.
-Sometimes I wonder who would miss me if I were gone.
-summer air reminds me of all the feelings of your love and what it was like when we were together
-laying in the summer grass, you told me not to talk so fast as i told you how i feel. you made me feel right at home; you told me i was not alone and you knew just how i feel...i know we talked about it. i just can't get around it. i just want one more night with you..
-i gotta get away, find something to do. cuz everything i hear, everything i see, reminds me of you.
-help me understand why i'm not a part of your plan and you don't need me anymore...help me understand why i still wanna be where you are, even though i know in my heart that you don't love me anymore."

Current Mood: crushed
9:23 pm
I'm sorry but I can't forget about the way
I feel every time you're here.
What would it take for me to be with you?
I swear I'd rip my heart out if you said you'd be impressed.
Please be impressed.
I'd go so far to please you but I bet you wouldn't care at all.
Hopeless love, please leave me.
This broken heart is far to weak to run for you this long.
Why don't you care at all?
I'm dying for a place in your heart.

Current Mood: crushed
9:14 pm
Please tell me what you wanna do Cause I can't waste anymore time. It seems nothings good enough for you, tryin' to please you drives me outta my mind. Who do you think I'm supposed to be? This flawless thing is how you picture me, But I can't measure up to that and I won't try Cause I only can only be me

Current Mood: creative
9:12 pm
I was naive; your love was like candy, artificially sweet.
I was deceived by the wrapping

Current Mood: creative
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