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Honey, why dont we get drunk and SCREW ♥ [entries|friends|calendar]

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[04 Nov 2004|05:22pm]
[ mood | relaxed ]

Choose one of the two questions to answer.....

  1. What do you think i will be when i grow up? (be honest)


   2. What kind of person am i...for example cute, funny and so on? ( It can be mean if you want it to be i wont mind but be honest)


5 // You are your own sight

You might think im happy...but im not going to be okay [28 Oct 2004|03:55pm]
[ mood | tired ]

You know when you listen to a song and with its rhythm and with its beat you feel like your life is a movie. Sometimes all you can think about are the bad things that are going to happen to you.  So in your heard you think of a movie that had the same instances. You think of what that outcome could be and hope for the best or believe the worst. When your in doubt and believe nothing and think nothing then you never know what can happen. You can lock yourself in your room and pretend like no one cares. You play your depressing music to set the mood for your self. On the verge of crying you think of the one that can carry you on their back and make everything okay. But then again what if you dont have that person, and there not in your life. You turn to your music to help you through it all. The lonely emo girl in the corner of her room thinking why she muct go through this with only the help of Green Day and Streetlight M. or maybe even some Marley for the hope of Sun-shiny Days. Deep in the motivation of her mind she thinks of whats to come next. To know nothing will be the same after she makes this decision. There are the sweet choices or the bittersweet symphonys but whatever she may choose could be the last decision she'll ever make.With the turning emotions and the fractured heart this little girl believes for more. For those mistrusting beliefs she covers her tear stained face and bloodshot eyes with her hands to stay hidden from the world. Everyday the well discovered mask hides the true identity beneath her blue eyes. Only the true can see through these baby blues since they know her true self. Maybe one day those beliefs for more will come into context of her written life but for now she will hope for that person to carry her through the storm and brighten up her days. For that person will hold her and tell her "dont worry about a thing, because every little thing is gonna be alright" That day will come, maybe in the near future or in the distant but until then she doesnt know what to do but hold her head high...with a mask that is

3 // You are your own sight

[04 Oct 2004|08:40pm]
[ mood | okay ]

tell me a secret. anything. post it anonymously. i won't try to guess. i might comment. you'll feel better getting it off your chest. and no one, me included, will know it was you.

20 // You are your own sight

dazed and confused [19 Sep 2004|09:02am]
[ mood | lonely ]

Well yea i was just laying in front of my computer listening to my music and i just decided i should write a journal because i have nothing else better to do and no ones talking to me online. So as i sit here of lay here whichever you prefer to imagine i just think about my life. I know that sounds odd but with all the free time i have i tend to go over every thing in my life, answering questions. I tend to think about what i did today of what i should of done to make my day better and i tell my self that the next time that event comes up i am going to act differently but it always turns out the same way. I always need my music right here with me. When your watching a movie song comes on basically any 80's alternative soft rock song comes on you think about the persons life in that movie about how they re-examine everything they did. Well not to sound weird but when i listen to my music in the car or just laying anywhere i think about my life occuring to the song or relating to the song, yes yes you must be thinking im bazarre but it always helps me to calm down and feel better about my life the way it is. I mean our lives are short theres no telling what might happen tomorrow. I could get malled by a car or i could join the math team (which i will never do, im not that intelligent) or i could find someone that i actually fall in love with or maybe even get my heart broken. There are many possibilities but i think that we shouldnt care about those things at my age in life and just try your best, or give everything you have to offer to make yourself happy, because who knows if that car with your name on it could be coming to town. Or maybe even that train. I dont know life always sends me to the total bliss of my mind, i never know whats going on. In every situation i need answers i need time to think about things, im a very emotional person and i think about everyone i know and dont know has already figured out that trait. I can admit to everyone that i think bad things about myself i know i should but i do, and im a pessimistic who thinks everything happens for a reason but it always turns out to be a bad reason, and i also know that i have extremely bad luck with guys and dont think i will ever learn my lesson. I have been hurt many times in my life and every day i hope not to be hurt anymore but of course life finds its little ways to get me when im down. I am an incredibly stressed person who, and yes i admit it can be terribly annoying sometimes and im sorry for anything i've dont to make you uncomfortable, but see with me i am different from many people and im going to tell you why. Well most people dont like to admit that there all of these things, and i can. Yes it gets extremly hard for me sometimes but i do anyways because i feel its my duty to own up to my mistakes. I know that i can get hurt very easily and i tend to trust people that are not worth being trusted. I know that i have friends who will always be there for me when im down and out and on the verge of drinking myself to death, but with them there i dont know how i would be able to live on, and i know that you people know who you are (A,J,J,O,L) you guys are the best and i dont know what i would do withour your support. Each and everyone of you have been there through every tough time i have gone through last year and the beginning of this year, i can guess i get very annoying with all my talk about *cough cough* certain things /people but you guys out up with that and im grateful.
I tell you in life you shouldnt worry about the little things. Things might make you cry, make you smile but in the end you'll never know what will happen and usually something good will come out of it, o well like um me and cough cough *insert name* i learned a very valuable reason about that...which only my friends know haha sorry it had to be put in. Dont let things get you down, buck up beautiful and hold your head up high everythings gonna be alright

8 // You are your own sight

[18 Sep 2004|09:21pm]
To Be Edited
Blue! Your eyes are the Blue of insanity! You make
a lot of friends easily, and you're very
carefree and easy going. Watch yourself,
though, because responsibility is still a big
deal. That doesn't mean you have to stop your
flower obsession, however.

What Color Are Your Anime Eyes?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are your own sight

i got this idea from someone [02 Sep 2004|08:52pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Okay, everyone I have got a task for you. This was an idea so I'm trying it out. What I want you to do is to post a comment anonymously telling me what you truthfully think of me Please be completely honest. Don't be scared to write, it's anonymous so I wont know who said it. But unless you don't want to write it anonymously go ahead.

P.S.--please write something, i'll be waiting for some comments

18 // You are your own sight

[02 Sep 2004|12:04am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

Yawn, okay so its about 12:01 and im really tired so im going to write a journal entry.

Yeah so i've been thinking about this for quite a while now. I figured out that the area that i live in is very vulnerable to be robbed, or something of that stature. I mean think about it i live on a street surrounded by trees, figures the name Forest Street. If i was to be killed, im sure no one would be able to find me because there are so many spots to dump my body. Sharpners Pond Road would be a good place right near the quary were i might add someone drowned not to long ago there. It was so tragic the young boy from methuen had just graduated and a week later he drowns. So sad, i mean that place is so unsafe. Submerged cars and dirty water, the place screams: unsanitary "so dont go swimming." At night i have to sleep with all my windows closed and i get freaked out if my door is even open a little. If i hear a noise i wake up instantly except for thunder stroms i tend to sleep through them. I get terrified at night, because down here all the streetlights are burnt out and when i go for my 1 o-clock walks now and then with my friends i tend to get very scared when a car comes. The shadows that appear down here are creepy. We thought we saw a man once and we sprinted down the street, haha me sprinting in flipflops, very funny. But it turns out to have been a small tree, i swear to this day it moved, but my friends just say it was the wind. Well i have this type of field next to my house that connects to another open field behind my house, haha wow that place will be great for partys i tell you. But anyways getting to my point the grass is so long and unkept that if i stood in it the grass would probably reach my neck. So if there was a robbery in my house or if i was killed and was to never be found, i am telling you now check ther because thats probably where i would be.

I got really spooked once with my sister. We were home alone and we had just heard from my brother that his roomate had committed suicide by hanging himself in their dorm room. That was a very tough day for everyone in my family, especially my brother since he was the person to find him along with his neighbor roomate Spike who was also later lost to Hodgekins. But that night i was so upset over Jakes death that i thought someone was in the house so i ran outside refusing to go back in, but the thing that made it worse was the my sister was spooked to so i got even more scared. But it turned out to be nothing in the end and im extremely glad to that. But just one thing look out for my brother "Line in the Sky" we're couting on you three.

Enter Sandman
"Say your prayers little one
Don't forget, my son
To include everyone

Tuck you in, warm within
Keep you free from sin
Till the sandman he comes

Sleep with one eye open
Gripping your pillow tight

Exit light
Enter night
Take my hand
Off to never never land

Something's wrong, shut the light
Heavy thoughts tonight
And they aren't of snow white

Dreams of war, dreams of liars
Dreams of dragon's fire

And of things that will bite

Sleep with one eye open
Gripping your pillow tight

Exit light
Enter night
Eake my hand
Off to never never land

Now I lay you down to a sleep
Pray the lord my soul to keep
If I die before I awake
Pray the lord my soul to take

Hush little baby, don't say a word
And never mind that noise you heard
It's just the beasts under your bed,
In your closet, in your head

Exit light
Enter night
Grain of sand

Exit light
Enter night
Take my hand
Off to never never land"

I am glad that i actually have neighbors, because i would hate to live on Sharpners Pond and have no neighbors so if someone was to break in to your house then you wouldnt be able to run any where, the street is as dark as hell and your nearest neighbor is a half a mile away. I have also come to the conclusion that if someone was to breaking into my house my mom would die first because she always sleeps on the couch in the sunroom and then my brother would die, then me and my sister, and finally my dad because he is in the last room down the hall, but since my brother and sister dont live here anymore and i dont have to share a room with my sister then i would die after my mom so my only hope would be that my cell phone would be fully charged because its kept next to my bed or that my dad would wake from his sound sleep and call the police with the phone right next to his bed. So i am actually very glad that i have succeeded in freaking myself out tonight. I mean now i hope i can actually get to bed.='/Um yeah im going to hope that when i fall asleep i will awake tomorrow to go to my scrimmage and get my uniform for Field Hockey, o and on a lighter note people should come to see our games. Varsity has a lot of night games this year so i hope you come to watch me play, just ask me for details. Anyways, what do you think, pray for me that i will make it through the night.

7 // You are your own sight

[25 Aug 2004|10:27pm]
Our life and world can be quite funny sometimes. The slight affects that we wish we could change or that we never attempted to do in the first place run our life. We wish we could do everything different. But we can't, we wish that everything will always be alright. It never will be. We will be hurt and tormented throughout our life until the time where we cant take it anymore and through that time in your life all you want to do is take your life. We have the intelligence, and the beliefs and the cultures of an extraterrestrial being. Our lives are tattered and torn by the time we die. Some of us see the people that take there lives by suicide as courageous, because we know that deep inside us the thought of leaving this world is torturing us and that we will never have the strength and courage to do so. There is that person who see's life as hurting them and everyday they ask why there put through such torment. Is it to humor someone with there pain? or is it just a way of life? Then there is the person that gets what they want. Im not saying everything goes there way because that fact has to be impossible. Who can get everything and anything just by the snap of there fingers. Well yes the rich and famous can, but who ever said that there happy. Everyone is never happy with who they are and who they can be. We always need something better. "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence." The white picked fence stands in between two people newly painted and full of blossoming flowers. On your side of the fence the house is tattered and torn, beckoning you for a new paint job. The grass is uncut and the shades are down to hide you from your so called "defeat." But on the other side of the fence, your neighbors side the house is a magnificent color, the grass couldnt be greener and when you look inside it just screams "victory." But whose victorious? You can be victorious in games and tests of life and history, but no one can beat the escence of what we today call life. No one can win, you think that by everything going bad that your failing in life and that nothing will ever help you but your just starting to come into yourself and learn about who you are as a human being. When things go terribly wrong and theres no hope of surviving just think about what could of been and how miserable you could be if you were to fullfill that courageous person in yourself and take your life in front of everyone that loved you and cares so much about you. See no one can win, and no one will ever win, and when you think you've beaten our world and life your just getting started like everyone else around you........you cant be the person on the other side of the fence, they dont exist, there going through the same shit you are..........
You are your own sight

exciting?...no [19 Aug 2004|09:25pm]
[ mood | blah ]

Hello? Do you ever wonder why we were put on this earth? Were we put here for enjoyment, lust, a game of some sort? Do you feel like your always being watched or being compared to someone of greater status because there prettier or cooler? Why do we always want something we can never have? Each and everyone one of us is like a needy puppy, always wanting love and attention. We always judge ourselfs because someone else is better than us in our minds. But truthfully everyone and everything is all the same. We just have a conscious that tells us we have to be better than everyone else. Some of us choose to give into our conscious and let it rule out life for us. No one really thinks for themself were just a group of molecules that wander around the world making things so that our little brain can be happy. People really think they own there life, well reality check you really dont. People thrive off of other peopls failures because they make you feel better, well thats just a melecular disturbance to the whole human race because people who think they can trample the little person is such a horrific failure. This basically describes our government and legislature. Our government is so fucked up they can't see two steps in front of them without hurting our human race. They think with all these rules and regulations about debt, taxes, mortages and law that we will follow it. It just feels good to know you broke the so called "law". Everyone does and no one can help it. We are just a high-melecular device of a brain that competes with everyone and everything around us. Its absurd and un speakable to how many people hurt. Someone somwhere must be getting enjoyment out of how we treat ourselfs, and how we treat eachother. The government basically rules our lives and make decisions for us that can alter way of our living. The government is over-rated, we are like drones compared to them. We always have to live in the way the goverment plans us to live. Everything we do is against the law and no one can handle that. Qho really thinks anyone cares what people are saying, while im sitting here rambling on and on and on about something were it seems no one but me cares about people are out drinking and getting shitfaced. Think about this: how many people do you talk to a day, well how many people do you actually think care what your saying. Basically no one because as it seems we like to feel superior because people are talking to us, which makes the person like me feel like shit because i deffinetly know that really no one likes to listen to my shit. No on probably feels this way but me but yah know i dont really care anymore, i am no one and who really will care what i think and say except for me..excuse the spelling mistakes........our worlds a mess

4 // You are your own sight

please write back i want to know what you think [10 Aug 2004|07:58pm]
[ mood | bored ]

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. Do you have a crush on me?
10. Would you kiss me?
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I was cooler?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. Am I loveable?
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now?
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think I'll get married?
24. What makes me happy?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. If you could give me anything what would it be?
28. How well do you know me?
29. When's the last time you saw me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone?
32. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
33. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?

13 // You are your own sight

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