August 31st, 2013

amy-60

This may not be a book review:

"Diana Wynne Jones Confirmed That -i-m Cursed"

One of you might remember that my former GP had once said that I (aka my family tree) must have had a curse put on it some generations ago. It's a good anecdote.

Except that today at 6 pm, pausing in my reading of my very last (prev. unread) Diana Wynne Jones books, I realised I was trapped inside a bad spell / fate. I*d never ever considered anything like that before (quite apart from not believing in anything supernatural).

It suddenly made complete sense of my life like nothing else did. Look at see how DWJ uses real interpersonal dynamics and problems people face over their lifespans, and that special feeling of helplessness in a society offering no hope of help, from abused children to neglected octogenarians. It's no special new message, we all know that one needs friends and family to survive, vitamin R gets you jobs, dirty politics and genuine health and well-being all depend upon your fellow (hu)man(s), no matter how many philosophies try to teach us to live independently.

So I can't even describe HOW THIS DIFFERS right now, for me, except that it all makes (narrative) sense, this impregnable bubble of bad karma keeping me entrapped, tainting every relationship, making me look like a scowling monster when afraid and sad and small, worsening my situation with every attempt I make to breach its hull, be it doing nothing, trying to be extremely good or trying to fight.

The weakness of DWJ's book is always the Chrestomanci-ex-machina for me ... and since he doesn't exist, I can never break free ... but for a minute it was like a real epiphany.