February 18th, 2004

deathandthemaiden

(no subject)

today i was too hungry to go out and get some food to still my hunger. i was too tired to stay in bed. it is cold and grey and wet and waking up with the knowledge that i don´t have to go to work should have been faaantastic. but i wished i had someone with me under the duvet this time.

while milady22 was here i at least had to cook something and get up, but now, blah. even though i had to work during her stay, it had felt a little like holiday! now she´s gone and much-too-busy with cat and hubby and lots-of-snotter and uni (in reverse order), and i´m feeling lazy and useless. blah.

eta: nearly forgot. last night i was forced to accept an invitation to attend an artist´s talk with the first solo dancer at the ballet of our state opera. she´s nice enough, but i´d rather not have attended with all those old painted be-pearled wanna-be-upperclass women. and then, sort of last minute (but it was my own fault for suggesting to mark the entrance) i was told i had to stand on the street and welcome those guests. in front of a house of flats, at night, on the street, approach everyone wanting to enter and ask if they were her to see the ballerina, then let them in. it was humiliating and bizarre, my nose froze off, and if anybody knows the classic silent movie "der letzte mann" (the last man), my next step must be to become a public toilet cleaner. i did stay between the front doors but my nose still froze off, as i wasn´t allowed to wear my hat and hood.

sometimes i let the lights go out (i.e. did not press the red button again) and people jumped a little to notice me standing in the dark. i got into a routine, open heavy door, perfectly friendly smile, "are you here for margaret? third floor please", close door. note: when there was more than one woman, they always took the stairs, as if to prove something. milady22, you would have liked to take shots of the staircase, the lift wasn´t much though.

later on i chatted with some of the dancers, whose butts i had stared at during the talk. i could not decide if it was possible that they were half the size of mine, but then again, the girls might have been half my age, and also very small. incredibly tiny. and perfect poise, at least in the older ballerina´s case. i should have ignored the evil stares of hom and asked the ballerina more about the body, as she is an (unusually, i´m told) intelligent and articulate dancer and feels she is just a mute body and would like to speak, whereas i would very much like to test-drive a body like hers.
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