(no subject)

hi. i ate today. and it made me feel good. today was a good day.. despite the fact that i worked for 12 hours. i think i might be okay. :-)
  • Current Music
    phantom of the opera soundtrack

(no subject)

ok, so, scratch every entry about nick i guess.
he broke up with me on sunday because he has feelings for another girl. he said that after our big fight last weekend, after we made up ( and i thought everything was perfect) that the more time he spent away from me, the more he realized he didnt want to be with me. and he also contradicted himself by saying that all these feelings came up on sunday... and that he didnt intend to do this to me... and he didnt think he could feel this way... friday was our anniversary. and true, we haven't been together for a long time, but i'm in love with him. and i was under the impression he felt the same way when he said he loved me. but apparently he loves me as a friend. and he can't be with me anymore. because its "not fair to me" what's not fair is that he lied to me about where he was so he could go on two dates with cecilia. and apparently, he has stronger feelings for her than he does for me. he told me he wanted to be friends, because he loved me... but i can't be friends with him. i'm in love with him. and i know if i spend time with him, im going to want to hold him, and touch him, and kiss him... but i can't. because he's not mine. and that will make my heart break all over again. i feel hollow.
i've slept about 3 hours since i woke up sunday at 9 am. and i haven't eaten since sunday.. minus a piece of pizza that i threw up later anyway. (not on purpose) i paid for a $450 tattoo for him. it was his early birthday gift. and as i said, friday was our anniversary. he called me and said "happy anniversary baby! i love you! i'm on my way home from work, i'll call you, will you come over?" and i did. and we held eachother all night. and i really thought he loved me... but apparently, whatever he felt isnt the same as what he feels for little cici. or "peaches" as she is sometimes referred to.

but now, nick won't talk to me. he said he has nothing left to say to me. and that he'll pay me back for the tattoo.. that he'll put the money in my mailbox. i keep looking at the pictures of us together... and thinking... "how could we have been this happy just a few weeks ago, and no he hates me?". i have every internet convo saved. and i remember every convo we've had on the phone. and i keep listening to elvis's "love me tender" and bawling my eyes out because it makes me think of him. i'd still do anything for him, and he wants nothing to do with me.
and i found cecilia on myspace.. and i sent her a message. not a hate message. i told her about what nick's done to me. and i told her how much i love him, and that i hope she treats him well, because i want nothing but the best for him.

i do hope he's happy. i just wish that he would want to be happy with me. because i love him, and i want him to be mine. but if he can't be happy with me, i really do wish that he have happiness and love with somebody who will treat him the way i do. and love him the way that i do. i just dont see how he's gonna find that. i would literally do anything for him if he would take me back. and i can't see anyone treating him the way i did. and i can't see anyone every loving him as much as i do.... but i really hope he does.

arrrh. anybody have any tips on mending a shattered heart?
  • Current Music
    elvis* love me tender *

so this weekend....

lots of things happend this weekend. syd officially moved in on friday. me and nick have been fighting all week about something really stupid shit. i thought we were gonna break up. then syd and buzz started fighting last night. and she thought they would break up.

but the results:

syd's feeling really bad about her mom kicking her out. like hard core. but i dont blame her at all. i would too. but we're her family. and we love her more than anything. and we would do anything for her. and now syd and i are going to move into my mom's room and share. my mom is going to move to my room ( after i clean it) and i think it will work well. though i will miss my bedroom. i've lived in there since before i can remember. but it will be allright. and i think syd will be allright too.

me and nick resolved our differences on friday. and he said he loved me<3 and i said i loved him <3 and now we're in love. and i'm a big dork about it. =-) but whatever. i like it. i've never been in love. and i dont ever want to be in love with anyone else. EVER.

syd and buzz are ok... and i just realized tomorrow is their anniversary for saying "i love you". and i only remember b/c we were on the southside at the river (trying) to watch the fireworks... and i remember syd telling me later that night that he said it. and it's cute. i wonder if they remember? how wierd would it be if i rememberd and they didndt? really wierd.

so. it was a very strange weekend. bad for syd.... but maybe it was a blessing in disugise. i dunno. it ended up being a good weekend for me in the end... because i now have a new sibling whom i adore and will be sleeping next to every night.. and i'm in love <3
  • Current Music
    tiger army


blah. my syd is going through a rough time. her mom is being a total dyke. i wish everyone's mom could be as great as mine... not that i'm rubbing it in that other moms arent' great or anything... i just happen to think mine is exceptional... she bought me pot for my graduation present<3
and she's gonna let syd stay with us for a while b/c her mom is pretty gay right now.i'm excited that syd's gonna be staying here... though i can tell you're not sydnie. dont worry.. everything will work out my darling<3

... in other news... ( haha, i sounded like a news anchor!) my cell phone is gay and i need a new one. i'm gonna go to the mall today and take care of that. and to get syd's (belated) birthday gift.... if its still there (fingers crossed). i recieved $1,515 for my graduation. going towards a cell phone, a tattoo, my car insurance... and the rest... to my car. hopefully by the end of the summer i'll have enough saved up to buy a decent car all on my own... or at least a down payment!

... i want to go to kennywood really REALLY REALLY bad. thursday me and nick are going. and we're taking his little neighbor. but i forget his name. oh well. andrew? eh... i'll find out later. hopefully sydnie and buzz will be able to attend. i wanna do the skycoaster. i know nick wont do it with me... and i dont want to do it by myself... eh.. maybe i can find some people along the way. if not.. i'll spend all my money on potatoe patch fries.. smothered in cheese on one half and gravy on the other. mmmmmm. then a funnel cake.. then chicken fingers and fries. then dip'n'dots... omg.. i'm gonna be so fat. who cares... its kennywood. you have to eat like an asshole at kennywood. and ride alot of course. honeslty... i dont think there is a ride there that i dont like. i would have to say the thunderbolt is my fav.... then the aero 360... <3 i love sitting on the outside... you feel like you're gonna fall right out of your seat! <3 ahhh.. i love summer. but i do not love summer school. which is where i will be attending through july. fuck. i suck at life. why coudln't i have just passed? whatev. at least i'm taking off a semester.. but i'm not too worried about it. i'm sure there are other fuck ups that i know there. at least i hope so. .... just one that i know. i need somebody to talk to!

omg... this song.. i had the wierdest dream last night. ... me and my senior scensters were at lunch at school.. and all of a sudden me and syd started singing "swing life away" really loud.. then our whole table joined in... then a few more tables.. then the whole lunch room was dancing around and singing this song... and the teachers were singing it too... and the deans and reggie were getting all pissed off and telling us to stop.. and they called security and they were like... swat team or something... with thier guns and bullet proof vests and tear gas and told us if we didnt stop singing they would start shooting...

so everybody stopped... then me.. the little antagonist that i am... started whispering the song and giggling like a little five year old girl who just tore the head off of her dolly.... needless to say i got in trouble. but i woke up before they pulled the trigger :-)

eh, this is kinda long... and really jumbled and random. sorry. i'm in a random mooooood.
  • Current Music
    rise against: swing life away


.. so far.. today is bad. which isn't good. woke up kinda late... had to go to stupid graduation practice..... people at brashear are retards and dont know how to stay in a line, stand up, and get in alphabetical order.... so anyway, we got out around 11 i guess... i took reyna and sarah home... went home, got a box and my physics book, went back to the school with meg and krista to get our ceramics stuff... then had to wait forever to turn in the book b/c the teachers were having a retierment party for like, 4 of the teachers. i finally just said screw it and left my book in front of the teachers door.

... my graduation party is tonight. and i'm not even sure if i wanna go. i'm really not graduating, since i have to go to summer school to make up my english class. so i kinda feel guilty about having my mom throw this party for something i didnt accomplish. that and i'm not gonna be able to smoke b/c of my grandparents and my dad. they dont know yet... and i really dont want them to. alksdjfo. i have a feeling tonight will be bad.

i'm also really nervous about nick. not because of him, more because of me. i'm really clingy and i think its starting to get to him. i'm afraid i'm gonna scare him off or something. we got in a couple of fights this week... and to be honest, i dont even know what about. its seriously always my fault though. i get into these moods.. . i'm always worried that this is too good to be true, and that makes me suspicious... and then i get mad at him for every little thing b/c of it. i really hope i dont scare him away. he's the best thing that's happend to me. and i want to keep him. but i need to lighten up and stop being so goddamn ridiculous.... problem is i dont know how. i hope i figure it out soon... before i lose him.

thats all for now

  • Current Mood
    blah blah

prom 05

ok, so uhh.. last night was amazing. everything was perfect.
my dress looked incredible on me.. the sticky tape didnt come off... so my boob stayed in...
my hair and make-up were stunning... everything went according to plan. nick looked hot in his black and white tux. with his black and white shoes. and he bought me a white corsage to match him. and an ENTIRE tirimissue cheesecake from the cheesecake factory<3 and he told me no one has ever looked that good in the history of the world as i did last night.<3 that boy is the best. we had billions of pictures taken of us. some at syds house, some at sal's house, some at my house, and tons of them at prom. i'm having my camera developed tomorrow. syd's is being developed... serra has posted hers allready... reyna.. you're slackin! haha.. anyways... it was sooo friggin hot in that aquarium. it looked great, but was too hot. so me nick, syd and buzz spent most of the night in the "penguin hallway" ( i dunno what else to call it) because it was like, 20 degrees cooler in there than it was where the tables were. nick isnt much of a dancer... and niether is buzz, so me and syd went to cut a rug with serra sexxface. and it was good. but then we got hot and missed our boys. so we went back upstairs. i finally talked nick into dancing with me. i honeslty just wanted to show him off. and that was kinda hard to do in the penguin hall. so we went down to the dancefloor. we were there for the last three songs. and they were all slow. and it was amazing. he kept complaining because we kept bumping into people. but honestly... when i was dancing with him.. i didnt even notice anyone else was in the room. it was like it was all just for me and him<3 i forril think i'm fallin for him. and i'm a little nervous about it. i've never really been "in love" before. i'm kinda scared. i dunno if its too soon... or if thats even what i'm really feeling. but whatever it is, it's really strong. and i like it.
so anyways... that was about it. after prom, me and nick came back to my house. origionally, we were all supposed to come back here and drink. then my mom got all pissy and said we couldnt because she had to work in the morning. but she let nick stay over. and me and him did it. and it was good. like it always is.
.. i dunno though, i kinda think after-prom-sex is like.. better than everything else. its like, the pinnicle of "your night" .. the last big highschool related social event... followed by amazing sex.... i dunno. its just like, what you're supposed to do. its like your own private celebration of the night. or continuation... however you'd like to think of it. eh. or maybe i'm just wierd.
yeah. i'm wierd. so anyways.. today we went to the wave pool. i got sunburned. nick didnt come though. he wasnt feeling too hot. he went home... lifted, took a nap... then i picked him up, then we returned his tux. he got a free tux rental b/c his pants were too big. that means a fancy dinner for me and him<3then we went to best buy and he bought a cd... then we stoped at ekerd (sp?) for condoms and cigarettes. he bought these.. trojan twisted pleasure.. they're new apparantly.. and really nice. the tip of them is twisted... and for a condom... its really really nice. i suggest trying them out. yeah. anyways.. that was pretty much it for today. tomorrow... work. woot friggin woot.

till next time<3

oh yeah.. and amanda lynn sero + nicholas allen obermeier = amazing
  • Current Mood
    indescribable indescribable

omfg... nick<3

scratch amazing.. nick is incredible.

last night... i got off work at nine. i came home, took a shower and waited for nick to get home from work... he got home around 20 to 11.. so i grabbed my shit and went over to his house.. his poor puppy fell off his back porch and fractured all her little teeth yesterday. she's allright, but she's all drugged up. poor thing. anyways. so i got there, and we didnt even get inside before we decided we wanted wendy's. so we hopped back in my car and took off. after we got our food, nick told me we were goin someplace "special". we went to this park on washington's landing... it kinda was like frick park in a way... except on an island.
.. so we ate in the car. then we got out and took a walk. it was so cute. there were like no clouds in the sky at all last night. it was so clear.. the stars and the moon were out... and it was beautiful. so we were walking down this gravel path.. holding hands under the stars.. talking.. stopping now and then to kiss under the shade of a tree<3 ..then we walked down these stairs that led to the river. it was kinda like an overlook. you could see the city and the lights from the buildings were dancing on the water. it was hella tight. then nick sat me up on this ledge that was right next to the river. and he kissed me<3 and oh my god.. it was seriously the most romantic thing i've ever experienced. .. i know its kinda corny. but it was soooo sweet. i loved it. i wouldn't have changed a thing. then we went back to his house and started to watch a movie. but we fell asleep cuddling on the couch. then i went home around 3:30 this morning. and i totally dreamed about him last night. i dont remember the details of the dream. i just know it was me and him. i want to keep him<3 i asked him if i could when i visited him at school last weekend. and he said, "thats the idea isnt it?" and that too, was hella tight. i really like this boy. i really want this to work. more than i've ever wanted things to work with anyone else. i'm just gonna keep my fingers crossed...

  • Current Music
    beat your heart out -- the distillers

(no subject)

<3 nick is amazing

... so saturday night, i got off of work at like nine... came home, packed a bag, and went to nick's "cabin" for the night.. the origional plan was for us to go to the cabin..but his mother decided that since it was supposed to rain all weekend that she wasn't going to pick him up from school to go there... so i drove up to erie.. by myself.. in a fucking storm.. just to see that nigger. i was really worried about going up there and getting lost. it was the first time i've really ever been on the "highway" i've drivin on the parkway to get to the airport and out to moon a few times.. but not like, hxc highway. it took me about 2 1/2 hours to get there... i took it slow b/c of all the rain... and i got lost. GAY. but i finally got there around 12. and we had such an amazing time. i kinda feel a little slutty.. b/c we did it five times... that's right. FIVE. it was amazing. the second time we did it, we were stoned off our asses. i bought some really good weed off a kid from work that night.. just for me and nick... so anyways. yeah. it was great. even greater? i got somebody to cover my shift at work on sunday.. so i didnt have to leave there at like, one to be home in time for work. i ended up leaving his dorm around 7 on sunday.. got home around 20 after nine. but seriously, it was the best weekend i've ever had. i mean, not just because of the sex.. even though it was great... but we talked about so much shit. and i got to meet a couple of his friends. and it was really nice. we're so comfortable around eachother. its so amazing. i love feeling like this. this is something i havent felt in a long time.

.. so fast forward to today. he took his last two finals today. and came home<3 he came over around ten... he had to do some un-packing and shower and eat and shit like that. but he got to meet sydnie and my mom and brother. and i think everyone got a good impression of eachother. at least i hope so. we didnt stay here long... syd had to be home at 10:30... and nick was hungry again. so we dropped syd off, then we went to mcdonalds.. we ate in the car and sat in the mcdonalds parking lot forever. then he said he wanted to go to like a park or something and just chill. so we drove down to moore park and hung out there for a while.. played on the monkey bars and the swings. and kissed under the stars<3 it was madd cute.. then he said he had to poop... but he didnt want to leave. and of course there are no porta potty's at moore.. so what does he do? instead of going back to my house.. that nigger takes a shit in at the playground right next to a slide!!!!! ahah.. he didnt have any napkins or anything.. so he takes off his underwear and uses it to whipe! OMFG!!!! I sat on a bench and fucking laughed the whole fucking time.. i could HEAR him taking a dump. it was HILLARIOUS! haha.. then he came over and asked me for another cigarette. the nigger didnt smoke before he met me.. and i didnt MAKE him smoke.. though he would tell you that... and now the nigger steals all my cigarettes. bitch. anyways. it was cute. and i'm really glad he's home. and really mad that i have to work tomorrow... even though i will be waitressing. eh.. whatever. hopefully we're slow and i get get out early to see my boo<3
thats all for now

  • Current Music
    "total eclipse of the heart" - meatloaf

(no subject)

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.