I suppose I should have tried harder to make that sound more enthusiastic, huh?
Whatever, I need to clean and then I am going to bed with a book and a rather large bottle of alcohol. Call me anti-social if you like, you would be right. I'm really not in the mood for anyone, I don't or do know.
I've had enough of everything and everyone. That walk back from Midgar really gave me time to think and I've realised a few things. I'm really tired of being played for the fool. It's not like anything I did means anything these days, all that work for nothing.
Really glad to be out of Midgar, it was beginning to get on my nerves. At least here in Kalm, I can sleep or try to. I'm absolutely exhausted and yet when I try to sleep, I can't or if I do, I dream non-stop. It's always the same, it never changes. Perhaps, it's best if I just accept what my dreams have to tell me.
Maybe it's better that way. Who knows?
Anyways, I'd better go. I have a lot of work to do and then I can take a break and rest.
I helped them, I'll probably regret it but I did what I did and I won't apologise for it. No-one told me, how was I to know? I couldn't just leave them like that, they did terrible things but so have others and yet they have found forgiveness. I should just stop caring so much, that would solve a lot of problems.
But nevertheless, I'm going home.
It's going to be a long walk. Hopefully I'll make it as I am really really tired. Haven't slept in days.
Beginning to think coming to Midgar was just a waste of time.
Like everything else before now, one colossal waste of time. I mean, I look back and I wonder why I did some of the things I did. None of it matters now, none of it seems to actually have an impact on the world around me.
Then again, I could have spent too many hours on my own. That tends to make me think and question my actions along with everyone else’s. Yeah, I need to get to some semblance of civilisation. What I mean to say, Midgar is civilised and all but it isn’t the best place for a conversation.
Okay, I really need to find someone who isn't myself for company.
[Edit : Looks like I'll be in Midgar for a while. That man I met called needing my help and I can't say no and leave a guy to die now can I?]
You know, I'm tired of hanging around and waiting.
I'll be heading home by foot. I got myself here and I can get myself out of here, it's that simple.
Met a man the other day. Seemed nice and very different from what I'm used to aside from his strange behaviour towards the end of our conversation. I've only seen that colour hair on one person and it can't be, can it?
Hell if I know but yeah, I'll be back in Kalm soon enough. Or so I hope
Wow, isn't this fun? I swear, the next person that looks at me funny is going to get hit. So what if I have a black eye, it's not like it's the first black eye in history and yes, I'm a little cut up but what the hell? This is Midgar, everyone should be used to that by now.
Getting really tired of walking in circles. If no-one picks me up soon, I'm walking back to Kalm. I need a shower, I need a drink and I need to unwind. I am way too stressed out right now, it's like I'm a walking advertisement for tension.
I'm going to find some place to sit. Maybe it'll help with the pain in my legs.
It was for lack of a better word, uncomfortable but I think things got better as time went on. I mean, we both dodged around a lot of touchy subjects and well, I believe the term is "making small talk" but it was nice to see her. I haven't seen her for such a long time. She looked good, pretty as always. She made me think over a few things and I've come to a conclusion.
I do need to get out more and I need to have more to life than just pushing on. I've had enough of living that kind of life and I'm doing it for everyone else's happiness which isn't very fair to me because doesn't my happiness count? Of course it does, I'm a human being with thoughts and with feelings. They deserve as much attention as everyone elses do.
On that note, I'm shutting the bar down and I'm going travelling. Don't know where and I don't know how long for and I highly doubt I'll see anyone on my travels but it'll be fun and it'll give me a chance to be happy and be okay with myself and with what I'm doing.
This is Tifa Lockheart falling off the face of the planet.