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[September 6th, 2009 @ 4:33pm]
There are times where you need to reevaluate where you are and who you are.  Six months ago a soulmate slipped away from this earth, luckily leaving behind the most precious momento one could leave after departing; another life.  My best friend wasn't cut out for this place, but she made sure she had another chance with her beautiful son, she lives on in him.  Another friend decides she'd rather not be, and never mutters why.  Was it over a drunken weekend of technology overload? Was it over a lost pint? She never said.  And another friendship gone almost like the first.  Then there are the one's I still have.  Well, I've been skipped out on, left to pay bills, spackle walls, scrub fridges and clear out cabinets.  A job for 3 left for 2.  I've been put in situations left only for enemies.  Shady encounters including a white powdery substance, often consumed like the air we breathe.  Drunken fiascos that leave orange crush crusted and stuck to my wall, floor and power strips.  Accusations so wild, the alibis so rigid, with not even a phone call of warning before barging in.  To ask me to betray the one I love, <i>if</i> in fact he did what you are alleging. Which he did not, and with 5 other roommates, it's easy to see that maybe your suspect list could be a little longer.  And probably doesn't include the one who took you in for mothers day or thanksgiving.  It just makes me wonder, if these are friends, who am I? Do I treat people like this, and deserve to get this back? Or are these just the situations and the town.  This real world ceasing town, this big bubble.  Where there's no curfew or drinking age no schedule or budget.  No rules of consideration from neighbors, and apparently sometimes friends.  But where do I go from here? These were supposed to be the best friends, the bridesmaids, the playdates. How after 4 years of building friendships, being the ones who were there, when our high school friends were not/COULD not, can I get to this point? I've entrusted these women with my heart, and lately it seems like they've been taking small pieces of it with them.
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[July 2nd, 2009 @ 7:13pm]
another stupid pointless, procrastination post.

i'm looking to get an actual blog that isn't like username.stupidbloghost.com, just whatever i want to name it, only preferably free.  i'm the next perez hilton, just not gay and not rude.

[May 16th, 2009 @ 3:29am]
lately i keep getting sad for no reason.  i mean, there's reasons behind it, but it just strikes me at the most random times.

some days, all i can do is think about kelsey and how she's gone.  how she's never going to graduate college, or get married, or see her son walk or fall in love, and laugh and cry.  i just want her back.  i want her to do all the things i'm gonna get to do.  i keep getting in these ruts, because i haven't really dealt with her death. i cried, went through the motions, called her mom, called friends, reminsced, etc.  but i don't feel like you can mend something this deep.  it's painful how much it hurts that shes gone. 

mothers day was terrible.  i hurt so bad for her mom and her son.  she didn't even get one mothers day.  Last mothers day was a week before Dane was born.  I just can't even imagine the pain her mom feels.  To love and raise a daughter for 22 years, and then shes just gone.  Parent's aren't meant to bury their children, that's just not how it works.  I'm so bad with death.  I don't know how people even deal with the death of parents.  I don't know how I could go on without my mom.  And thats the way things are supposed to be. LET ALONE it be the other way around.

I just miss her so much.  This sadness is overwhelming, paralyzing.  It's been two months since she died, and it's going to be a really long time until I'm at peace with this.
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[April 30th, 2009 @ 10:45pm]
Well, it's finals week, so here I am procrastinating on livejournal.  Someone just hacked my account.  Cool.

There are many things I'm excited about in the upcoming weeks.  Memorial day weekend is packed for me.  My mom' 50th birthday, my grandpas 75th birhtday and Dane's first.  All should be really fun. 

That week summer classes start too, but it won't be too bad because they're online.  One of the classes I'm taking is Introduction to the Modern Olympics.  Which I'm not too sure how they have a whole class about it, because they only happen every four years, and after a while how modern can they really be? Anyways, I needed a two credit class and it's a 300 level so it works out.

I'm so excited to see Dane.  When I see him it makes me less sad that Kelsey is gone.  I can't stop thinking about her.  I should probably go talk to someone about it, because many days I just cannot concentrate because all I do is think about her.  I just want it to be a bad dream.

Cinco de Mayo is me and Jon's 1 year anniversary! Which makes me kinda sad because they're cancelling the Cinco de Mayo celebration in Mexico due to Swine Flu.


[March 19th, 2009 @ 1:14pm]
I'm am so sick of people my age dying.  My best friend in high school passed away on Friday the 13 and I still don't believe it.  My friend who I snuck out with, drank with, drove around aimlessly with.  The one I cried with, laughed with, talked to, listened to.  I've been trying to write something that would make me feel better about this.  Usually writing does that for me.  But this is different.  I've realized no words can describe who she was, or who she was to me.  I have a few best friends, and they are all wonderful, but she was different.  I never felt like I had to be anyone different than I was with her.  She loved me and saw deeper, farther than now.  She had a certain wisdom that I can't explain.  But she was never content.  Always chasing peace, always craving more than was out there.  And that's why she's gone.  

I'll never forget you.  No one will ever be like you.  KLK 1-2-87~3-13-09  Too fucking young.  It's not fair. Why do 22 year olds die?  Why does God or Allah or whoever the eff is up in the sky, decide it's time for a 22 year old with a 10 month old son to leave this Earth?  I don't understand and I don't believe I ever will.  I just need to figure out how I can obtain peace from this tragedy.  I love you Kelsey.
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[March 5th, 2009 @ 9:46pm]
I really need a job.  Like a week ago.  I literally have $30 to my name.  Hopefully I get a job with the census, but they haven't started hiring yet.  I just sit around and do nothing.  Gahhhh.

[February 25th, 2009 @ 4:13am]
So i'm really annoyed because I didn't wait to buy the new MacBook.   I have this oneand it's great, but theres a reason (or a few!) that they updated it.  FIrst of all, this is my third mac, I've had two Macbooks and one iBook.  As much as I love Mac and would never go back to PC,  I have had a terrible time with mine.  My iBook had a faulty power cord, and would shock me, so my grandma bought me the Macbook.  Then, my Macbook started having issues with the screen.  When you opened it up, the screen didn't have any tension to stay in a certain angle.  One day, something cracked while I was opening it, and the plastic where the two parts of the laptop meet broke, and the insides of the computer got fucked up, and eventually, the screen stopped working.  I had a warranty, but it was "Tier 4 Damage"-i.e. neglect, so it wasn't applicable.  I ended up selling it for parts.  Earlier this year I bought a Macbook newer than the one I originally had,(from another student at State) and two months after I bought it, a week after the warranty expired the hard drive died.

What the fuck?  Like it's nice not having viruses, although Cindy apparently got a virus on her Powerbook, but it only affects MICROSOFT Word. Anyways, i feel like I traded my PC problems for new Mac problems.

And now like the last 2 macs I had, the stupid plastic is peeling at the bottom of the laptop where I rest my wrists.  And this is like a known problem, which is why they switched over to the aluminum macbooks.  But now my plastic is also cracking by the esc key and the eject key.


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[February 25th, 2009 @ 3:37am]
So I have a bunch of stuff to do, so of course I'm here.  I had an outline to write for a class at 12:40 tomorrow, and finished that while watching Heroes online.  I also have to make a study guide for a class I never go to, which is going to be terrible because I don't know anything.  The midterm is thursday at 5pm, so I have a bit to study, it's just a lot, and I'm putting it off.

So far i've put in some laundry, sewed two of jons shirts and checked every website I could possibly think of, livejournal, gmail, facebook, postsecret, stumbleupon, etc.

I don't look at livejournal that often anymore, and I think one of the biggest reasons is because of Gina. I used to always check it because I wanted to see if she had writen anything.  Now, no offense to my friends page, there's not anything all that interesting.  However, Cat's usually keep me pretty captivated.  Now that facebook has a status feature, and a note feature, anything I need to know about my friends is on there.

Well let's see, what's going on with me lately?  I decided my life was really boring, because I go to school and don't work.  So I'm usually studying or sitting around.  So I decided to apply for a study abroad trip.  Good news: I got accepted!! Bad news: it's ten grand!!  It's a six week trip over the summer and there's no way my financial aid is over $7,500, so I'm kinda screwed.  I'm trying to figure out ways to pay for it before the two week decision period is up(March 2).  It's only a $100 deposit that I would lose, but I don't really want to have to stress about paying for that when I have credit card bills, rent etc to worry about already.  It's a fucking sweet trip though.  It's a photography trip and it goes to London, Paris, Stonehenge, Prague and Scottland.  We'd be touring museums and international historic landmarks and taking pictures!! And I've never been to Europe, so I thought it would be kinda sweet.  But I might just end up going on a study abroad trip to Jamaica, because it's like $7,000 cheaper and it would be so warm and fun.

Well, the boy needs a ride home, so I guess I'm going to pick him up and procrastinate some more. Peace lovers!

[December 21st, 2008 @ 12:24pm]
Last night, well I guess two nights ago...Jon and i standed in line from midnight until 11 am to get free pizza for a year!! This new pizza place opened and if you were one of the first fifty customers you got free pizza for a year.   Number 34 baby!! hah.

In a couple hours I'm going home.  Tonights my families chanukah party and the first time in a few years that the *extended* family with cousins will be included.  The past few years it's just been the 8 of us.  The other strange part is that it will be the first Christmas without my Nana and Papa.  The holiday's were always such a big part of them.  Their anniversary was Christmas Eve and we just always went over there to be with them.  I hate this part of getting older.

I didn't do so well this semester.  I could make a million excuses about why, but it doesn't change the grades.

Happy Holidays!!

[December 5th, 2008 @ 6:22pm]
i'm having a terrible semester.  i finally got to move in a couple days before thanksgiving, and its just such garbage because i was paying for the room. not a storage space, parking spot and hotel room. fucking garbage. and of course my rooommates in their cozy rooms could give 2 shits about whether or not i had my stuff unpacked for the ENTIRE SEMESTER.  It sounds stupid, but it definitely deters productivity when you don't have a room to go to, or your stuff unpacked.  And it takes hours to find a fucking stapler, or whatever...searching through boxes.  It's just really frustrating because it's over-priced.  My roommates don't conserve energy or water.  I just don't enjoy living here.

I feel like the longer I've been in college the less fun I've been having.  I feel like all I've accomplished is losing friends and having progressively less fun on weekends and getting less work done during the weeks.  I haven't had one memorable weekend all semester.  And everyone has become so selfish.  They only care about themselves and their immediate lives.  Well fuck them.  I sacrifice a lot for my friends, and they don't even care.


Fucking assholes.


[October 29th, 2008 @ 3:00am]
As the election grows closer and closer, I've been more and more anxious about the outcome.   I refuse to believe any of the polls, articles or news shows that say either candidate is ahead.  As we've seen in the past polls mean nothing and anything can happen on election day...and after election day.  Let's just hope that there's no hanging chads this time around.

Anyways, all politicians are shady, and there will never be a situation where everyone is happy with a specific candidate and all their beliefs. 

But the McCain/Palin team is absolutely terrifying.  And the Conservatives actually think Palin is the more conservative voice, if they were to be in the White House.  McCain is too much of a "maverick" for his own party.

yeswecarve.com [October 23rd, 2008 @ 3:16pm]
I am having a dreadful week.  Sunday night, I was working on a project for class on my Macbook and out of nowhere it started acting weird. So I go to restart it, and when I try to turn it back on, I get the white screen of death.  I'm pretty sure the hard drive is toast.  And I'm one month out of warranty.

I got fired from my job, but I dont really care. My boss was an asshole, but I do really need the money.

My phone is a piece of shit, and I don't get service in my house, and when I went to the verizon store to ask them why my phone so frequently drops calls and randomly turns off during typing text messages, he tells me that I am also out of warranty and I can do an insurance swap out for $50.  Fuck that, I'm not paying $50 for a refurbished phone when my contract is up in less than 6 months.

Then, last night my roommates and one of our friends were pulling an all nighter and they needed to go to the store so I told them they could take my car because it was the last one in the driveway.  They come back like a minute late and tell me that my two passenger tires are flat.  I don't understand how this could've happened, I picked up Jon like 2 hours earlier in my car...Also, I already had my spare on one of the OTHER tires.  So I'm really screwed now.

On top of all that, I'm an illegal roommate in my house, and I live in the basement.  In East Lansing they do an inspection every year, so basically on September 17th, I had to move all my shit out of my room so it looked like I didn't live there.  Well there were like four things wrong with our house that we had to have fixed, so they setup a new inspection on Oct. 17th.  So basically, I wasn't about to move all my shit back in my room for a month, just to have to move it all out again.  So I just put my mattress back, so I could sleep, and my tv.  Well during that month, the landlord did shit to fix any of the problems with the house.  Oct 17th rolls around and the inspector shows up, and little do we know that our landlord had changed the date of the inspection.  It's just really annoying and stupid.  First of all, I haven't had a fucking real room/bed to sleep in for over a month now.  Also, if the inspector found out I was living there, we would get in trouble and I would have to leave.  Then my roommates would have to pay $600/month for rent.  So it doesnt really make sense that the landlord would not let us know when the inspection is....I'm also really annoyed that I'm paying rent for a sham of a room.  Granted I pay $50 less a month than my other roommates, but they have beds and rooms instead of just a mattress on the floor and some storage in the basement and the garage.

On a brighter note, me and Heidi carved political pumpkins! I carved Obama and she did his logo and put "vote" in it. :)


[October 14th, 2008 @ 7:25pm]
Fall's alright, but one thing I just can't stand is when it gets dark so early.  I had a terrible headache from 2am last night until about an hour ago, and I feel like I missed the whole day.  And of course, I did miss the whole day, but it seems like even more because it's pitch dark outside right now.

for the first time in a while, i feel like we have an election that means something. and i dont know if i feel that way because it's the first one i can vote in, or because the last few democratic presidential hopefuls were garbage, but i have a really good feeling about this.  i actually had a dream about voting last night.  its honestly time to get the same old cronies out of the white house, they've been there for 30 years, and not to be cliche, but it's time for change.  the constiution is a living document, and there's a reason it should be kept the same for so long.

im sick of worrying that my rights will be taken from me.  civil liberties, phone tapping, roe v. wade?  how far will the government go, until we no longer live in a democratic society at all? i can see it now, our government spent so much time trying to "bring democracy" to other nations, they forgot to  worry about their own nation.
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[October 7th, 2008 @ 10:17pm]
the whole reason I started livejournal was because of her and her group of friends.  so i give her this final tribute while she makes her final journey.  gina,  i'm glad you can finally be at peace. 

RIP Gina Suzanne Wallace

obit...Collapse )
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[September 22nd, 2008 @ 2:29pm]
Ugh, I fucking hate banks.  Bank of America just charged me $330 overdraft fee. Fucking bullshit.
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Separated at birth? [September 16th, 2008 @ 1:18am]

[September 15th, 2008 @ 5:01pm]
I'm living illegally in the basement of this house.  Back in 2007 when me and Jon got evicted, they judge told me that it would be on my record for seven years.  So i can't sign a lease anywhere.  It works because my two roommates would be paying $600/month, but since I'm there it's a lot less.  Anyways, we have an inspection on Wednesday and I have to move all my stuff out so it doesn't look like I live here.  Kinda a bitch, but I pay like $50 less a month than my roommates, so I guess it's worth it.  Boo.

I'm really nervous about my job, I didn't do so well in training.  They had me do a roleplay on the phone and I guess it was a "worst case scenario," but I felt like I didn't know anything abut the study and couldn't explain what was going on.  I guess the more I practice the better I'll get, but it's just hard.  $9 an hour to start though, so I can't really complain.

These high fructose corn syrup commercials are ridiculous.  "It's made from corn and has the same amount of calories as sugar!" Hah.

Alright off to continue packing, take a shower and then go to work!
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[September 10th, 2008 @ 12:27am]
I've had a long last couple of days.

Late Sunday I went home because Jon needed to get some stuff from his house.  Then we came back and went to bed, then woke up for class at 9am.  Luckily our class was short because I had a bunch of shit to do.  We went to this shoe store right on grand river, because Jon's shoes were on their last stand.  Then we went to the bank so that I could deposit a check, so that Jon could pay his rent(and back rent), because he doesn't have checks.  We continued on to the Sprint store to find a new phone.  Unsuccessful in our search, we went home for about a 1/2 hour before driving home once again. The reason I went home was so that I could volunteer for Barack Obama when he came to North Farmington on Monday night. 

The whole morning I was calling my friend Meghan, because she had borrowed my camera for a school project and had not returned it yet. She didn't answer until I was home, so I had to use Jon's camera, which isn't as sweet as mine.  Anyways, I get home around 10:30pm, and Meghan tells me that she has some bad news.  She took my camera home and one of her friends cracked my screen.  So she's like, I'm going to buy you a comprable one because they don't make your camera anymore.  Which is kinda sweet, because at least I got a new camera out of the deal.

Barack Obama I took this!!

This morning, I am woken up at 9 am, which is really annoying because I don't have class until 3pm.  My roommate comes into my room and says that my boyfriend is blocking her car in the driveway.  He drives a stick, so she couldn't move it.  Meghan was supposed to get out of class at 9:50 and then call me when she got out of the shower, so that I could go get a new camera.
nikon S520 <---this one.

But I woke up again at 10:40 and she hadn't called me.  So I went back to sleep and she called me at like 11:40, and was like, let's go to Best Buy.  The only problem was that I had to take Jon to class at 12:40.  I was a bit annoyed because we were supposed to go earlier and now it was all rushed.  It ended up working out okay, but I was still annoyed nonetheless.

I had class at 3, but decided not to go, and went out for Brueggers instead.  I had training for my job at 7pm, so I drove out like 3 miles to this place and I get there and the doors are locked to the building.   So I'm like, what the fuck am I supposed to do?  I was like banging on the doors, and windows, tugging them, trying to open them up.  I called the building and waited there for like 10 minutes.  Then I just drove home and emailed the girl that I interviewed with and told her what happened.  I'm a little frustrated because I drove all the way out there for nothing.
And to end this post: a cute picture of me and Jon during welcome week.me and jonny

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aftermath cognac [August 6th, 2008 @ 8:02pm]
on an unrelated note, Dr. Dre is coming out with Sparkling Vodka.  I'm excited.

[August 6th, 2008 @ 11:26am]
my nana died three hours after i made that last post.  rest in peace nana, i love you.
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