Oh my god, you guys.
Okay, so I look up from the computer to see some guy out at the front deck looking at me, so I get up (in my pjs, baby) to go see what he wants. He's probably in his mid-forties and has a thick accent that my Aussieness can only pick out as Pacific Islander of some sort but means I keep missing some of the things he says. I will henceforth blame my failure to understand his accent as the root of our troubles.
The man basically says, 'Uh, hi, I'm trying to find number six on this street but there isn't one?'
And I have to admit that so far he is very correct. There is no number six on this street. Then he says he's in the area spreading the word about how Jesus Christ is our awesome saviour and that he's coming back soon. I nodded along politely and bitched in my head about how I don't go around to people's houses preaching the awesomeness of atheism and science. (I don't bitch out loud though, because that would be rude, unlike coming to my house to tell me things I already know.)
Finally after a bit he asks if he can interest me in going somewhere tomorrow and I'm thinking 'fuck NO I don't want to go to your church, just let me go back to reading Regretsy, man.' Instead of this I just say 'no, thank you, I'm not really interested.'
Lara would have just gone back inside here. Lara is good at saying no to people and walking away.
I am not.
Thus this carried on for a bit more and I talked about how I had been religious but had moved away from that, and he asked if I was alone today or if my husband or kids were inside. I told him that, no, I didn't have a husband and kids and laughed because, dear lord, the sheer idea is hilarious to me even when coming from a stranger I've never met.
He asks me a few more times to go to his church. I continue politely declining. Then he asks if maybe I'd like to go out to a restaurant with him instead. (DAMN ME FOR SAYING I DIDN'T HAVE A HUSBAND.) I told him that, sorry, no, I wasn't really interested.
Then he kept asking if I was sure.
DUDE. If someone says no the first time to a date, pestering isn't the way to win them over.
Eventually he asks why I won't go on a date with him and I say that I have a girlfriend. (Because, apparently, I'm not interested just wasn't working.)
To which he said aww, but I needed a boyfriend as well.
By this point I'm sort of thinking HOLY CRAP, CAN I JUST GET OUT OF HERE? Seriously, Lara would be out of here. Why am I not, likewise, out of here? Damn this misplaced sense of politeness!
I tell him that, no, I don't need a boyfriend because I have a girlfriend.
But the guy keeps smiling and saying that a girlfriend isn't enough and I can't really be happy with that and that I need a boyfriend instead. ON AND ON.
SWEET BABY JESUS, HOW DO I MAKE THIS STOP? (The answer would probably be to stop smiling like a rabbit in the headlights of dating doorknockers.)
He goes to say something else and I just cut him off with a big smile and 'I'm so sorry that I can't help you find number six, but good luck!' Then I take a few steps back to say THIS CONVERSATION IS NOW COMPLETE.
Luckily for me he takes that sign and while he does seem like he wants to tell me I need a boyfriend for the twelfth time and ask me to go to dinner with him, he doesn't and I smile and make my way back inside as he disappears off down the driveway.
This whole conversation was probably about six minutes long and not actually the half hour it felt like.
Damn the allure of these flannel pants! I just don't know my own power in them!
IT IS SO FRAKKING COLD RIGHT NOW I CAN HARDLY EVEN BELIEVE IT.
Weather service says it's -2 but I think it LIES.
I talked to my little brother on the phone today. In my mind he's seventeen still but he's turning twenty-one in March. It's all wrong. He sounds like a grown up man-person and he's about six-four apparently.
He and his girlfriend have been together for five years in April, and he told me he's going to propose then. They're also trying for a baby.
My face = :O to every single thing in this post.
Although he's apparently a big BSG fan which means we have something in common for what might be the first time ever.
OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!!
I just got the best news ever and even though I'm not actually allowed to say here what it is or was about I just need to SQUEEEEEEEEE about it. And I will because it's my journal.
ohmygod, I am actually so happy right now I might burst :D :D :D
Tonight there was an informal sewing group in the living room as we all try and finish garb before Canterbury Faire. (Oh man, so close. How much can I not wait for nine days of medievalness? The answer is A LOT.) I am not even half way around hemming the skirt on my GIANT freaking gown. It's going to take forever but it will be worth it. Everyone loves a huge skirt.
After sewing we didn't do much. Oh, except that we watched Repo!! OH MY GOD, FOR THE FRACKING WIN! :D It made me happy in my pants and in my soul. (The bits with Anthony Stewart Head singing and being evil made me especially happy in the pants region.)
How tempted am I to watch it again later tonight?
SO VERY MUCH Not at all. Nope. None.
Musical and Medieval both start with an M. M is clearly awesome.
Why is that the more sex is in a European movie, the more likely it is to end in PAINFUL TRAGEDY. European sex romps are so unrompy when Alison and I get them out.
So we've been sitting on the couch for the last four hours watching movies and spent half of it laughing, crying 'hee! penis!', or crying.
Y Tu Mama Tambien? So good. I've been meaning to see it for years and years but never got around to it. So. Fantastically. Fabulous. All filled with pain for something that had two sex scenes by the time it was three minutes in. Seventeen year old boys are hilarious. And Spanish is sexy.
And now we've just finished the French Ma Mere which was specifically rented because it has Louis Garrel in it, who is one of Raen's main crushes. He's quite a nummy treat. What can I say about it... what can I say... Hmmm, how about OH. MY. GOD. In fact, it was so painful that I've been saying "Oh. My. God." since it finished. Raen has been wandering around in traumatised silence. Because....OH MY GOD. If you're looking for a nice easy sex romp involving mother and son? Yeah, find another one. I mean, it was really good in a very painful way, but... I feel bad for every single person in that movie! :(
Next weekend we're doing the first three Batmans! :D