Tags: i want to be sarah conner

Spaced: People like you make me sick!

I'm unlikely to take a husband, really.

Oh my god, you guys.

Okay, so I look up from the computer to see some guy out at the front deck looking at me, so I get up (in my pjs, baby) to go see what he wants. He's probably in his mid-forties and has a thick accent that my Aussieness can only pick out as Pacific Islander of some sort but means I keep missing some of the things he says. I will henceforth blame my failure to understand his accent as the root of our troubles.

The man basically says, 'Uh, hi, I'm trying to find number six on this street but there isn't one?'

And I have to admit that so far he is very correct. There is no number six on this street. Then he says he's in the area spreading the word about how Jesus Christ is our awesome saviour and that he's coming back soon. I nodded along politely and bitched in my head about how I don't go around to people's houses preaching the awesomeness of atheism and science. (I don't bitch out loud though, because that would be rude, unlike coming to my house to tell me things I already know.)

Finally after a bit he asks if he can interest me in going somewhere tomorrow and I'm thinking 'fuck NO I don't want to go to your church, just let me go back to reading Regretsy, man.' Instead of this I just say 'no, thank you, I'm not really interested.'

Lara would have just gone back inside here. Lara is good at saying no to people and walking away.

I am not.

Thus this carried on for a bit more and I talked about how I had been religious but had moved away from that, and he asked if I was alone today or if my husband or kids were inside. I told him that, no, I didn't have a husband and kids and laughed because, dear lord, the sheer idea is hilarious to me even when coming from a stranger I've never met.

He asks me a few more times to go to his church. I continue politely declining. Then he asks if maybe I'd like to go out to a restaurant with him instead. (DAMN ME FOR SAYING I DIDN'T HAVE A HUSBAND.) I told him that, sorry, no, I wasn't really interested.

Then he kept asking if I was sure.

DUDE. If someone says no the first time to a date, pestering isn't the way to win them over.

Eventually he asks why I won't go on a date with him and I say that I have a girlfriend. (Because, apparently, I'm not interested just wasn't working.)

To which he said aww, but I needed a boyfriend as well.

By this point I'm sort of thinking HOLY CRAP, CAN I JUST GET OUT OF HERE? Seriously, Lara would be out of here. Why am I not, likewise, out of here? Damn this misplaced sense of politeness!

I tell him that, no, I don't need a boyfriend because I have a girlfriend.

But the guy keeps smiling and saying that a girlfriend isn't enough and I can't really be happy with that and that I need a boyfriend instead. ON AND ON.

SWEET BABY JESUS, HOW DO I MAKE THIS STOP? (The answer would probably be to stop smiling like a rabbit in the headlights of dating doorknockers.)

He goes to say something else and I just cut him off with a big smile and 'I'm so sorry that I can't help you find number six, but good luck!' Then I take a few steps back to say THIS CONVERSATION IS NOW COMPLETE.

Luckily for me he takes that sign and while he does seem like he wants to tell me I need a boyfriend for the twelfth time and ask me to go to dinner with him, he doesn't and I smile and make my way back inside as he disappears off down the driveway.

This whole conversation was probably about six minutes long and not actually the half hour it felt like.

Damn the allure of these flannel pants! I just don't know my own power in them!
-

Bad action films made me who I am



How bad does this look?

How much will I totally be seeing it?

Don't pretend that Conan the Barbarian wasn't an important part of your childhood! ...or maybe that was just mine? You know... looking back on it... Arnold Swarchenegger really was quite involved in my formative years: Terminator(s), Predator(s), Conan(s), Total Recall (which SCARRED ME, If you're reading this, mother!)

But this Conan is different. Because this Conan is Jason Momoa and I want into his pants. Like every sane person should.
X-Men: Deadpool/thought bubbles = BFFs

Deadpool would have handled this shit with grace.

Let me tell you about me and Lara's exciting evening!

Okay, so there was a Mexican night at Cath and Jen's and we all had noms and wonderfulness and Lara and I decided we'd take off and catch the earlier bus home, perhaps not taking into account that it was a Friday night in a kind of crappy area of the city.

All is going well until we're halfway across one of the little side streets and this arsehole comes hooning around the corner. Since he's the speeding dickhead we sort of had little choice but to get the hell back off the road and stand there on the sidewalk. Dickhead pauses at the corner slams his horns and yells at us 'FUCK YOU!' Then, because my mouth goes before my brain does, I turn and yell out at the car, "EAT ME, BITCH!"

We keep walking and dickhead slams on his brakes and come screeching back towards us. Lara's pulling out her phone and whispering 'oh shit, oh shit,' but I was just seeing red. I was thinking Fuck you, mate, because you're in the goddamn wrong here and if you think I'm going to let you intimidate me then there's no way in hell that I'm backing down.

Which is STUPID because not only haven't I been in a real fight since I high school, this guy could be some huge kickboxer with a knife for all I know. But, no, adrenalin said bitch, let's fucking go!

I'm glad that he didn't get out of the car and after letting the car sit for a moment took of again. (At the time I actually felt a little let down.) edit: re-reading this makes it sound like I think I'm some sort of tough chick. I'm not. I'm a rubbish wimp which makes my emotional decision to want to fight this guy all the more ludicrous as I'm fully aware of the pummeling that would follow.)

The tortillas were awesome though.
-- Come away oh human child

Silent Hill, not actually all that silent it turns out.

Lewi has come over to visit Lara (and us a little bit, but mostly Lara!) and he's teaching me how to play Silent Hill like the n00b I am. Which involves a lot of swearing at the screen when the monsters show up, insulting their mothers and sexual proclivities. (Turns out, when monster killing, I turn into a raging misogynistic who yells things at the screen like "die, you fucking whore beast from hell! FUCKING EAT MY BAT!" Which is... a little concerning for my inner mental state, I'm sure.)

I have discovered two things about this game so far. First that, oh my god, is there a shit load of walking around. Down streets, in buildings, walking walking walking gimme more monsters! (So I can panic.) And secondly, the protagonist that you play, James? A complete and utter walking Doesn't Deserve To Live. Oh, so stupid! So stupid! Let me count the ways.

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I might understand all this if he were some super cool marine dude before coming to Silent Hill, but he was a regular freaking guy! He has no badassary excuses!

Also, at some angles, he looks like Edward Cullen. No one else seems to see this, but I do. I SEE IT. And it means my desire to help him remain alive is even less. Damn he and I being the same person!
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(no subject)

Oh fingers, why you so cold?

There is a rat balanced rather precariously upon my head. He's going to fall and he knows it, which is why he keeps burying his claws in my scalp. Ow, Byron! He needs to learn to remain in more comfortable places. Not very bright is he.

Everyone is out now and the house is stupidly quite, which means I require music. And now that that's fixed in a minute I'm about to call someone to ask about an Othello audition. Because, mmmm, Othello. I haven't done any proper acting since high school so it's very possible I suck at it by now but, hey, it's just an audition. No harm in that. I wish I still had the singing voice I used to in my earlyish teens because then I could do muuusicals. I loves me some musicals.

Alison and I got out the first season of Queer As Folk last week and it was awesome, especially in the deja vu kind of way. Man, I used to love that show so much. I am discovering I am still quite fond. Jen got sucked into it as well toward the end of the season and now both she and Ali and flailing over Season Finale Dramah. It's funny ;D And then we watched the first episode of Dexter (with bubbly!) when it was on the telly the other night. Good, although I'm not yet sure what I make of it. I shall withhold judgement until I've seen a few more.

Sena brought around the latest episode of SPN and I now can't get the silly fake theme song out of my head:

Ghost, Ghost Facers! We go the places where the others will not!
Ghost, Ghost Facers! We stay in the kitchen when the kitchen gets hot!


Heh heh heh.

And, oh! The Sarah Conner Chronicles are going to start soon! Fuck yeah! I'm really hoping it's going to be good. Please wipe all memory of that terrible third film from my mind.