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This journal is done, I dislike it now. Perhaps I'll use the name for community posting but that's about it.

You can check out my new digs at _asofyesterday

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Yesterday the sun peeked its little head out from behind the stubborn clouds, halting the rain for few hours of relife to our soggy bones. Warmth spread over my mountain town and breathing out I was shocked to no longer see my breath. This morning low lying clouds moved to higher ground, no longer blanketed in fog and fluffy grey I could see the mountain tops, snow covered from the past week. But sadly none of this does much to warm my heart. Frustration is still high. I am having a good time, but still. Being around toys and not getting to play with them the way I wish to. I can't settle back into a life of tech, I know so much its not what I want to do.

Perhaps tonight I'll take my camera into town, continue on my signs of Banff little photo project. Or perhaps I'll hide under the covers from the clouds creeping back in. Enough with the rain already.

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Stupidly lonely right now. I don't fit in, not like at home. Julia is coming to banff for rugby but I think I might run back home this weekend, one last hurrah with Beau and Christy. Time to spend with Nickolej. Go see Bygones and Ghosts. Feel like I belong and fit it. Then come back and face a few weeks with new found strength.

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I'm in freaking banff and I want to cry. Its so busy here with tourists and day travellers and I just feel so alone. I miss Nickolej, I miss my bed and I hate the sound of someone else in a room with me. I spent my night watching tv and being bored. Stealing wireless internet from the hotel next door in order to feel connected to the life I left behind. Everythings so fake here. Beautiful but a mess with crying babies and people screaming in a million different languages. I don't understand this place and I feel out of place. Plan on wandering alone tomorrow, maybe bring my camera and get lost in crowds and feeling sorry for myself.

I'm sure by the end of the week it will be fine. I'll be busy and there will be people to pass my time with. But for now its lonely. Lonely and beautiful.

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People in this town are fucking jokes. And assholes. And I'm sick of hearing the same thing played over and over again and then the minute that people try something different they suck. Why? Because they're not some crappy nu metal/screamo wannabe type band? Because their band doesn't sound exactly like yours and the other half a dozen who do open jam at top ten? Did they sit there and scream you suck? No, they respected that while you might not be what they want to listen to you still put effort and time and comittment into doing it and respected it. Sorry if you're having a fucking ineriority complex brought on by a band that's been together all of a week who managed to make something more original and promising then you've done in years.

Bah.

Banff in six days. I'm sure the homogenous pile of nu metal/screamo will be even larger there.

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Settling into the new place just fine. Summer on the wind less and less which makes me sad. I'm so sick of partly grey skies with some sun peeking out, telling me that one day it will be grand but not today. I wish for the high twenties to hurry up and come before I leave. So i can spend a day at Henderson pool with Nickolej, feel my skin get tight under the sun and the smell of chlorine faintly on the summer air. Though I don't think it will happen.

Spending time with friends lately, wasting the days till we all go our own ways. It makes me sad but at the same time I understand. It's the same reasons I can't stay here. Plans made for 12:01 showing of Star Wars to play the role of geeks but mostly just to say we went.

I leave in 20 days for Banff. I'm excited but at the same time terrified of making an ass of myself, of making them regret chosing me over the hundres of others. I got my account statment and was basically informed that some nice people pretty much handed me nearly eight grand in scholarship and grant money. Those nice people.

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Todays lesson:
super nintendo rc cables work just as well as rabbit ears for picking up the non cable stations
ninetendo, is there anything you can't do for me?

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My heart hurts right now, that framiliar aching deep inside that I can't ignore much longer. It was probably a bad idea to go off my medication so close to the end of my university career, too much of a change for me to handle I think. I just feel so apathetic these days, staring at the mess that is our apartment without the energy to unpack a goddamn thing. It doesn't help that Nickolej just got his moog so he spends his time playing around on that instead of trying to make me pull myself from this slum. Not that its his job to do that. I need to make myself move again. I sleep a lot lately, a bad sign of the depresion crawling back up upon me. Sleep and always feel tired. Sore. Lackluster and willing to close the blinds and just lay away the days. Almost didn't make it to work today. Just blah. Hopefully this relapse will pass before Banff, I want to enjoy my time there and not daydream it away.

New Ryan Adams cd tomorrow. Mmmmm... double one at that. I'm rather excited. Though I probably won't be able to get it until thursday when I get paid unfortunatly. The apartment is good, minus the small disaster zone aspect. We're just kind of at a standstill for unpacking at the moment, needing to get a tv stand to put the tv and dvds and such. Its nice to live downtown, the traffic to keep company. This afternoon was nice, napping in my bed while cars drove by, people walking in the halls. Its getting warm again which makes me happy, the smell of summer returning to the air. Soon the days will be endless, coming inside wiht the smell of the sun on my skin. I can't wait.

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EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

I get to see the weakerthans tomorrow
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    excited excited

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Q:Why would you like to download the trial version of standard office 2003

A:Because I need to use Office for one use only


Namely writing an eight page paper between now and monday that I have put off for a week and a half while working on my photo arts assignment.



Went out last night. It was a riot. We were handed a 175$ bar tab on our way out. Perhaps we will go out again tonight.