December 8th, 2004


(no subject)

i haven't felt like writing a proper entry in a while. too much has been pissing me off recently.
i'm meant to be happy, my birthdays nearly here!

both me & scai-kun wanted to make sure everything was okay with everyone, so we left for liza's early in order to visit a few people first.
when we got to kilburn i called wendy, in order to go & see her.
she told us it was okay to pop over, & when we got there she came downstairs & we squatted in a hole in her wall & ate some chicken & chips.
i pretty much offered all my food to wendy & scai-kun, by the time i was deciding to eat some more, it was all gone! o__O
hungry hungry people.

we talked some nonsense, we talked some fun, we generally had a laugh together, & we explained exactly what went on & i told her about having no part in what was going on.. i'd already sorted my business with david. wendy was easy-going & she understood, but i think she was still a bit pissed at ray for something he wrote, [although to be honest i don't know what everyone is thinking he wrote anymore, it seems to change whenever i hear it].
anyway, we went to paddington rec, before heading to liza's. it was a change of scenery i guess. i went there once a way long time ago with my friends.

she wasn't there again. so we talked for a while, & nearly fell asleep from walking so far up kilburn high road.
someone got killed up there yesterday; it's so surreal.
annnyway, i got looking at some photos of scai-kun's. there was some from christmas 2000, where he was fifteen. HE WAS SO GORGEOUS. i had to steal a couple. you know where they're going, right on our wall! heheheh, sucker!
he looks scarily like a young michael jackson in one apparently to everyone, apart from me, who can't see the resemblance.
so photo-time was over, & wendy went home, because rob called her over.
i didn't think nothing more of it, apart from the fact that i told her to apologise on my behalf, because i didn't want this misunderstanding to go any further.

liza came home, & scai-kun started cooking mushroom soup. at first i was hungry, but then wendy called.
*insert STRESSSSSSSSSS here*
i was so depressed after the call; however, i'm getting ahead of myself.
so wendy called, & i thought it would be okay to apologise to rob since he was there. then this whole misunderstanding would be forgotten, maybe, hopefully?
sooooo, i started telling him how it was none of my business, i had nothing to do with kicking him out, scai-kun was upset over something rob had upset him over, but he didnt wanna tell rob what it was until rob confirmed it [kind of hard to explain really but..], he wasn't even KICKED out of our group of friends, wth. he was all stressing out, & started having a go at me, still accusing me for the same shit over & over & over. i got so frustrated. i'm sick of having to go over the same things, he just wouldn't listen. he said i'd UNinvited him to my party, when i was gonna call everyone personally on thursday night to invite them & tell them what was going on. just because i hadn't done it instantly didn't mean he wasn't invited. i HAD thought he was going to laura's party, which is why i didn't think he was coming, but it's not like i wasn't gonna ask.
HOWEVER, i'm incredibly sick of doing the asking ALL THE TIME.
rob never called me when he had a problem, when he thought something was up. he never came to me if he thought something bad was going on, he didn't even go to scai-kun.
that's what upsets me, & when i go out of my way to think about inviting him anyway [which is what thursday was gonna be] he cusses me down & tells me how I'M wrong.
fucking hell.
i didn't want this kind of shit. think what you like, but i didn't kick you out of the crysta, i have my own personal livejournal here, & i've never wrote anything about you in it, maybe a few comments here & there about what we did, but i'm not the kind of person to spread bad shit, so don't get me wrong, okay? if you've got a problem, COME TO ME, & LISTEN WHEN I EXPLAIN.
don't go off on one.
i'm really trying to make things well with all my friends, & it's seriously hard when i'm hearing different things all over the place.
i never did anything wrong rob. i still love you. so please don't get the wrong idea.
i was only pissed off at you, for the simple reason [which also was a misunderstanding with jimsicle which HAS been sorted out] that you said i wrote it on my livejournal about you & david getting kicked out, which was nothing to do with me & no, i'm not talking through ray which is what jimsicle thought was going on. ray has his own mind. but that's over & done with.. please don't make this worse than it is.

end of major rant.

i had a talk with my sis erin about everything today, which made me feel a bit better.

i have my blood test either today or tomorrow.
that is not gonna be fun.

oh, THANKS to nurse_tish for my amazing xmas card i got this morning, its so cute!
i haven't got any cards wrote out yet, but if i do, i'll definately return one to you.

i better wake up ze scai.
it's 2.40pm.
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