December 6th, 2004


(no subject)

my head is spinning so much from everything.

i realise i should have told david what my feelings were on laura but i didn't because i knew that somehow i'd move on from it, & it'd be forgotten. that's why it wasn't significant in the first place.

tbh, i had NOTHING to do with the actual removement of david & rob from ze crysta. not that they ever did get removed, scai-kun even said the decision wasn't final & it hadn't been stressed yet. i think we were all just a little up in the air & angry about a lot of stuff that wasn't being said & all scai-kun tried to do was make it so we got talking again about the stuff that was important to save our friendships.
i talked to david last night, & we've discussed the issues at hand.
fortunately, david's a sensible guy & he thinks about things.

then later on, i get a text from jimsicle asking ME why I'M trying to ruin the crysta. WTF?? i had NOTHING to do with that.
i called him back immediately & me & scai-kun told him exactly what was going on. apparently rob had said that i'd personally wrote the message on my livejournal & when we told him it was ray, he said that ray had wrote it on my livejournal & had kicked him & david out of the crysta. MUCHO MISUNDERSTANDING I THINK??? i never had anything to do with it. & now he's angry because he thinks this is all about him & wendy? i don't think so. i was there for wendy because she was depressed. i was upset at rob because he didn't give her a real proper reason for breaking up. i know what its like not to have that. i'm glad that him & wendy have started talking again, & hanging out.
i think that when one person says one thing to another it gets passed on differently, just like chinese whispers. so to hear that i apparently was the cause for all this conundrum really pissed me off.
yes, i had a problem with laura, but NOT with david.
i left it saying that it was davids decision, & i was happy for him no matter what.
i would prefer it if people didn't read things wrong, translate things wrong & majorly get things wrong.
if you have a problem with something come to me.
for example, i was annoyed that if rob thought that i HAD wrote that message, why did he not come to us & ask us for the bare facts?
people who don't do this piss me off.

i love my friends, i really do.
i didn't want all this drama going round.
especially around my birthday.

so please make sure you come.

last night, i was just about ready to pull out of this whole thing. i have a lot on my mind recently. my dad's death if you wanna know more. stuff from childhood that affected me to be like what i am today, what i hate. i get scared of silly things, like being alone. i'm trying to find the significant reason for that, & i have belief it stems back from my childhood. my anxiety is slowly killing me & the doctors are all being majorly stupid about it all. they all say different things to contradict one another & i don't know whether i'm coming or going. i now have to go & have ANOTHER blood test to check if i had thyroid or some disease, & it scares the fuck out of me.
i don't need all this crap going round now.

i will personally call david later & talk to him properly, because last night was all a bit angsty & rushed.
i'll ask him personally if he is coming to my birthday.
i will find out the facts.

please, for the sake of each other, don't ruin some perfectly good relationships by not finding out what really goes on.
you owe that to each other.

i love you guys, & i don't wanna see this happening to you/us/everyone.
please look at yourselves & what you're doing.
we aren't in high school anymore, just remember that. plz?
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