October 26th, 2004


(no subject)

i skipped work today.
mainly because i felt so rough, i probably would have collapsed.

last night, i totally freaked out. donnie darko made me think about disorders & counselling, & made me realise i could do with some thorough help.

uhhh. i looked anxiety disorders up on the internet, & it turns out i may be diagnosed with panic disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, general anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder [but this one's only in eating], specific phobias [blood, vomiting], emetophobia [fear of vomiting], agrophobia [fear of public, wide spaces & enclosed spaces like queues or crowds], slight claustrophobia, an eating disorder, & post traumatic stress disorder. not to mention possibly a couple of other few things i missed out.
hmm.. i belive i may just need treatment for all this. as it's cutting into my daily life.

i also looked into working with disorders [on the adaa site] & it turns out i was being discriminated by tesco because i couldn't work properly under my conditions & i should have some rights.

i don't really get what impulsed me to find out what i had, but i'm gonna try & print out some of these self diagnosis tests so i can take them to the doctors tomorrow. they may come in handy.. & i need to also see about some counselling around my area.

blahblahhhh, i sound like a real freak.

scai-kun's out at the moment so i've stolen his internet connection for now. oops. i've been on here over an hour & a half, i really should come off soon.. hahahhh... ohhhhhh wellll.
when he gets back i'll try & stomach something else to eat other than the apple i ate just now which i didn't finish... bwahhh.

i think maybe if i'd checked this whole anxiety thing out sooner it might have not been too late.
i'll probably have to advise work of my conditions though.
maybe a wise idea?

hahah, scai-kun thinks that i'm smart but slow, which made me feel good about myself today. he also thinks that i should talk slower so i don't stress myself out so muchhhhh. i agree, i do talk too fast, it probably has some affect on the way i think.

i feel like a million dollars finding all that stuff out. well, actually, i don't because i feel like utter crap. but it pleases me to know what i may have, so i can see about it being treated for good.

ehhh...? i found out on this site that apparently a plane engine actually fell off an actual plane flying from one part of america to another.. how's that for scary. mmmhmmm.

i want to definately try & dye my hair soon, i was gonna have extensions but i'm not sure i so much want my hair too long, maybe a bit longer, but i want it to be more mid-length than anything else.

cineworld are really lenient about taking time off, its kind of like, weird.
still considering part time work, but i mainly wanna go into an animal care course, which reminds me, as soon as there's a position for a kennel hand somewhere i'm gonna apply for it.......

ppphhsssshaw, i have to get offline now. ohh dear.
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