October 1st, 2004


(no subject)

never been so bored.

didn't really go anywhere. i'm a bit freaked out about going out now, can anyone blame me? i don't know why, it's just i freeze up & get really bad anxiety attacks & panic, until i'm nearly throwing up.
especially when i try & go to work. silly me. but who can blame me, work sucks. i hate it.

so yeah. this week's been a little quiet. my brother's being nice, & told me to apply for jobs online because it works more. so i did.
i've applied for about seven, or something, but i'm still not expecting much. because i always expect too much, & then my hopes are always dashed. like when i spoke to kev the other day.
he's told me that the managers gone rahrah. basically, he's hiring people & then firing them. so he didn't put my name forward because he wanted to save me from that. which is, uhh, rather decent of him.
i would have loved to have worked there though. but come to think of it, if i'd got fired it wouldn't have been nice. i'd have been jobless.

i hope i get to work somewhere cool, like hmv, or mvc, or even a gamestation. i even applied to cex in the hope i'd get it.
you never know, right?

come to think of it though, i'd rather be jobless than work where i do. because it's driving me insane.

i have to talk to jimsicle about the band. i'm always on or off with my decisions. i don't know whether to carry on or keep going at it. but i'm rather worried that i'm rather crap.
i can't remember anything i used to play, & i can never acknowledge or manage to remember anything from powertabs that i can keep learning. so where does that leave me? bah.
i'm sure it'll be fine. yes, yes, it will.

i have work tonight. i really don't want to go........

wow. it's been over a year. i've been with my group of friends for over a year now. & they are the most amazing people i've ever met. i wish that i hadn't fallen out with them sometimes [little james, reece], but i guess it what makes friendship somewhat stronger?
everything will work out with little james. i'll just have to hang around him some more & get used to him again. i kinda just got... bored. he was always going on about one thing & it got me annoyed. i suppose. but we'll work on that. i'm sure he's learnt his lesson about the "shouldn't hit on other peoples boyfriends" thing too.

i hate ads that just pop up. ughh.

i knew there was something else i was supposed to say but i've forgotten what it was. nothing much has been on my mind recently.
i'm starting to wish i'd gone to the doctors so i could sort things out, & maybe i should be seeing a shrink or something so that i could sort my mind out. but i never feel up to going, & then it just goes on & on.

i've been listening more & more to the cure recently, & seem to have neglected every other band. ahhh well. what should i listen to anyway? i'm going through a period where i'd rather watch films.
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