September 9th, 2004


(no subject)

i don't know why but if i ever do something accidently, or know someone's hurt, it makes me feel so guilty that it makes me really upset. to clarify, last night, me & scai-kun went to meet up with jimsicle, david, kurisu & rei in gladstone park, & it went really well at first.. after being really hyper [i think that was my downfall] in the park, we went back to jimsicle's house [not before getting sausage, chips & coke from a local shop] & as we were going out to his garden i accidently stood on his toe. what made it worse, is his toe was really badly injured anyway [he has an ingrowing toenail] & so i felt really REALLY guilty, even though after he'd calmed down he was perfectly fine with it. i don't know why, but i burst into tears, i guess maybe it was a way of relief?? i do that alot sometimes, & i felt really bad about it all.
i know it's all good now, but i needed to write that down.

i think it stems from other things too. when i feel like crap, & someone asks me really nicely if i'm okay, i end up crying then too. does that happen to anyone else or is it just me??

it was a good night other than that incident. when i got home, me & scai-kun shared a few laughs, & my mother seemed to wake up & come downstairs for a mid-morning [it was 3am] meeting, we discussed the sex of my brother for some reason.. [don't ask], & my mum finally left to pick him up around 6am. hes back from australia for a year or so whilst he travels the world with erin, so he's not really back.. he'll just be around for a while until erin gets here & they make enough money to go. & then he goes back to aus. when my mother was saying bye, she was talking about the cat, & i accidently said "bye cat" to her.. although it was funny at the time you probably had to be here.

scai-kun just got up. i worry about him sometimes, he has a hard time getting out of bed/waking up.. maybe it's lack of vitamins in our diets or something? i just have a knack for waking up straight away anyway.. & then falling asleep on the sofa around 1am.

i've been looking up stuff about near death experiences, because for some reason, it's interesting me to know about what happens to us when we die. from what i've read, i think everyone has different experiences, but it all boils down to the fact [now don't take me for granted because i myself don't know] that we feel every emotion when we die [kinda like when we enter "the void"] & are apparently shown images of stuff that happened in life, or images of our life.. something to that extent, & then from then on i think it's different for everyone. me & jen were discussing this over emails lately, scai-kun thinks the soul goes into gaia [earth] & then finds another incarnation & that's how we get reincarnated.. & jen seems to have loads of different theorys really. i think i'm gonna go with the shaman king theory. i dunno why this is been on my mind recently? i think it was something to do with shaman king making me think about it. blargh.

i'm really hungry.
i have to work tomorrow & i wish i'd heard from prime time videos already. i guess i'll just have to wait & see.

i ramble too much sometimes. last night, i was talking to my cat, & didn't realise until i was actually doing it for about ten minutes. i imagine i can probably talk for a long time then about nothing.
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