Faith (_havefaith_) wrote,
Faith
_havefaith_

Switching

Stupid. That’s what I am. I can see exactly how stupid everything I’ve done is but it’s like I’m watching someone else doing these things. Like I’ve got no control.

I walk away from Xander, half expecting him to follow me but he doesn’t. Probably too keen to get back to the whole Old School vibe thing, funny thing is part of me dreads that. Red and me never got on, I never did trust her, never got why she had this weird influence over people – Buffy, Xander hell even Giles. I know part of it was jealousy, but still, she just rubbed me up the wrong way.

She always seemed manipulative, like she was putting on the shy-girl act to get what she wanted and damn if it didn’t work every time. I laugh a little, hell I wasn’t above a little manipulation back in the day – I was just a little more upfront about it. I glance down at my cleavage – hell, I was a lot more upfront about it.

What really gets to me now though is that we had a system. Okay so our system may have been a little fucked up, but it worked. We got through. We survived. And now the system’s screwed ‘cause the one thing we really don’t need is another mouth to feed.

Whole dynamic’s switching, I can feel it, and it scares me.
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