Tags: cunts


(no subject)

"The Quintessential Temptress is, of course, a slight exception being, as it is, after all, a bit of a piss-take. There is, however, a great deal of genuinely useful information contained within this book in spite of the humour and mirth, things that can be used practically. Some people lacking in the essential brain cells required to tell humour from seriousness, or who excuse their lack of understanding of the joke by accusing humour of perpetuating stereotype and persecution may find something within this book to offend them. Jolly good; enjoy being upset, you know you do. The rest of us will get on with having a jolly good – not to mention harmless – chuckle."

I wrote that back in 2004 but in spite of any number of disclaimers and to above, Cassanda-ish prediction, I'm still getting shit over it. As well as Nymphology: Blue Magic, Hentacle, etc etc.

This is all courtesy of the internet troll and drama-llama Kynn (Dazedsaveends on Twitter). Of course, since they're a transgender who chooses to call themselves a woman, you can't say anything against them without being simultaneously a misogynist and a transphobic. If only I were a member of a minority so I had something to insult people with they point out that I'm full of crap. Of course, I'd also have to be the kind of gutless fuckwit who can't support an argument and has to resort to ad hominem to plaster that gap too, but, you know, baby steps.
The irony, again, for those who missed it last time around, is this. The books that this person keeps banging on about are saying the opposite of what they think that they are.
Nymphology, Quintessential Temptress etc, these were taking the mick out of existing stereotypes of women in fantasy, games and RPGs. While also slipping some usable material in under the radar. As I recall the original pitch (when asked) was for something more serious but you do what you're paid to do and more comedy was asked for. You can call me a sell out if you like but it's hard enough to make it in this industry and scrape a living without handicapping yourself. I did what was asked, made fun of misogynistic attitudes in gaming and got some serious stuff in anyway.
Hentacle is, again, satirical, making fun of both hentai and western attitudes towards it.
I'm sorry if that's too complicated and nuanced for some people.
Here's a case in point, is this sexist, or making fun of sexists? You tell me...
And for the record, I am not homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic or whatever else you choose to accuse me of. I do, however, hate liars and twats and people who spread hate and misinformation. Indeed I'm usually the one that calls others on their 'isms'. 


Matters Matrimonial

The tip of my pinky finger is approximately one centimetre across.

This is subdivided into 10 millimetres. A millimetre is approximately the width of a grain of rice.

A micrometer is about the size of a pore on a surgical mask - viruses can still get through, though bacteria can't - to give you some idea.

A nanometre is approximately the same size as one end of a carbon nano-tube, those useful things that we're going to use building tiny machines. Calling them nano-machines is a bit of a misnomer as - obviously - they're going to have to be bigger than that.

A picometre is roughly the same size as the wavelength of a gamma ray.

A femtometre is roughly the same size as a proton, or thereabouts. Some theorise we could build machines at this scale, rather than nano scale, and this would be 'alchemy' in a sense.

An attometre? Well, we descent further into the subatomic here and that's the size of quarks.

The zeptometre is even smaller, now we're talking about preons, the building blocks OF quarks.

Now we're down to a yoctometre, that's about the size of neutrinos, they sleet through most matter without being detected.

Way down, much further than this, down several powers of ten we arrive at the planck scale. This is theoretically as small as anything in the physical universe can get. This is the realm of 'quantum foam' and 'superstrings'.

Some go further and posit that on some deeper level still the universe is 'information' and information can be expressed as ones and zeros, its presence and its absence.

That zero.

That absence.

THAT is how much of a fuck I give about the Royal wedding.

Oh, of course I give a fuck about the things surrounding it. I give a fuck that the country is grinding to a halt for the sake of a meaningless toff to get hitched and pump out more blueblood babies post-haste. I give a fuck that people are being given another day off (nice). I definitely give a fuck that I can't watch the news these days without seeing Nicholas - bloody - Witchall toadying up. I give a fuck that we seem to have stepped back 100 years in time in terms of deference to a bunch of stuck-up Germans with no more claim to real fame than Paris - fucking - Hilton.

Oh yes. I give a fuck about it that way, tangentially. Just not the thing itself.

Of course, we all know the real reason they're making a big deal of it and they're doing it now. It takes more than a single dose of commoner genes to correct the damage of centuries and William is losing his boyish good looks so fast it looks like he's melting. It seems Charles' 'lizard' DNA is rapidly asserting itself so we've had to sacrifice a princess to the dragon post-haste. Perhaps in another ten generations of them marrying relative commoners they'll produce some offspring that DOESN'T look like the progeny of a misguided attempt to breed dumbo and an angler fish, but I'm not holding out hope.

If you want me on wedding day I'll be drowning my screams in console games and work.
Global Frequency

Letter to my Prospective Tory Councilman

Hello there,

We had a brief, fleeting talk on my door before you ran away, doubtless scared off by my unkempt and hairy appearance (I'm a writer by trade which means I keep my own odd hours and don't have to be presentable much of the time).

I'm afraid there is absolutely no way I will ever vote Conservative, barring a complete change in all their policies or someone going back in time to assassinate Margaret Thatcher as she came to power and thus changing the course of the country in the past... but that would create a temporal paradox and those tend to be headache inducing - as well as being unlikely. I have lived through too much curtailment of civil liberties, too much corporate bottom-kissing and too much erosion of civic society.

That aside I wanted to talk to you about the Alternative Vote, I would have done so more on the doorstep (I'm the kind of person that even invites Jehovah's Witnesses in for a chat) but you seemed to be keen to be off.

I suppose the fundamental question that you have to ask yourself, as a citizen - and as a politician - is whether you think a government should concentrate on being effective, or upon being representative. An 'effective' government would be one that wouldn't be answerable to the people at all where it could just rule by decree. A representative government, taken to a similar extreme, would be Anarchism (capital 'A', not small 'a'). Ideologically I am an Anarchist, pragmatically a Socialist, but I recognise that neither of these extremes are viable (at least in the current state of the world when it comes to Anarchism). However, that doesn't mean that I'm willing to accept poor representation.

The FPTP system only works so long as the MPs truly represent their local constituencies and, since the advent of the party system and the whips this simply hasn't been the case. It's even less the case since lobbying and so on came to the fore and the traditional defence of FPTP that it protects the link between the MP and their constituency is so much balderdash and piffle given the state of modern politics. Eliminate parties and whips and you might have an argument, otherwise, I'm afraid not.

AV is not PR which is what most of us who are into the idea of an actually representative government want, but it seems there's no chance of pushing that (or democratising the Lords) until we overcome some of the inertia against change. AV isn't perfect, it is a crummy compromise, but it is a step forward, it does remove (somewhat) wasted votes and it does make our system much more representative.

Allow me to illustrate the problem with FPTP with a very, very simplified example.

Say there is a nation, Micronia let's call it, which has three constituences, each of which provides an elected person to their Triumverate government. Each constituency has 100 people in it and there are two parties. The Purples and the Greens. They have an election and the following results come in:

Constituency 1: Purple 51, Green 49
Constituency 2: Purple 51, Green 49
Constituency 3: Purple 0, Green 100

Under FPTP the Purple Party would have the balance of power with two seats, despite only having 102 votes. The Green party with 198, despite having almost double the number of votes, would not hold the power.

This is obviously an exaggeration, but we've had governments that have not been consented to or supported by the majority of the British people in a similar but lesser fashion quite often and a great many MPs are elected despite being unwanted by the majority of their local electorate.

This is absolutely not representative.

The no campaign likes to quote Churchill, here's another quote of his: "Democracy is the only form of government that gives the people what they deserve." A witty, pithy and biting quip but one that only applies if the people's choices are truly represented which, under our current system, they are not. Many of us, particularly in 'safe seats' like this one have our views utterly ignored and our votes wasted. AV at least does something to lessen that and makes our votes count a little more. It's unlikely to make much of a difference in a Tory stronghold like Hampshire but give people the freedom to actually vote with their conscience and you'll see LESS tactical voting, not more. People will be free to vote how they want and elections will, as a result, much more accurately reflect their views.

As to being too complicated, we already do it for European elections and the regional Parliaments use it as well. It's no more complicated than rating your favourite foods, choosing your desert island discs or rating your preferred fast food indulgences in descending order.

While it may not guarantee someone's first choice it does at least mean that whoever is elected has the greatest possible assent of the greatest number of people.

That's a small advance, but one worth grasping while we can before we - hopefully - move on to a genuinely representative PR system.

Thanks for reading,

The Episode Where Grim is Annoyed

I've been waiting to see the best way to help out with the Tsunami relief in Japan for a while now, hoping there'd be a game bundle I could contribute to. There hasn't been. So instead, last night, I got a wild hair up my arse to go it alone and put together a Hentacle/Cthentacle bundle. Then I thought I'd ask all my arty and other friends to contribute.

(If I haven't asked you yet, consider this to be me asking).

You can go check out the appeal HERE

Some people though...

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just me

Slayer's Guide to Female Gamers

Hopefully Matt won't mind me dredging up his evidential post from RPGnet in 2002. Funny to see GMS was being a bit of a dick back then too. The more things chance, the more they stay the same... you can find the thread on Google with a search for the book title and 'review' but you'll have to view it 'cached'. Set the Wayback Machine to 2002:

Anybody else get the feeling that this is going to be a contender for longest thread on this forum :)

A few interesting points about the Slayer's Guide to Female Gamers to consider;

1. At both Gen Con UK and US it was our best selling book by far, even eclipsing Slaine at the former. We sold out at both conventions.
2. I estimate around 75% of all books were bought by females.
3. To date, I have had one, just one complaint from someone who has actually _read_ the Slayer's Guide to Female Gamers. Support for it has been pretty incredible, mostly from the female audience. I ain't making that up :)
4. This book has proved quite controversial - but only among those who have _not_ read it.
5. There is a clear warning label on the back cover. Basically, it warns that this is a gender parody.

Those who have raised pro- and anti-feminist arguments against this book are reading _way_ too much into things. It is a joke. A Michael take. A bit of fun. You personally may not find it funny at all - that is your perfect right. However, it is not the work of Satan, it does not target women, nor does it belittle them.

I am quite prepared to listen to anyone who wishes to criticise this book - but only _after_ they have read it.

A small bit of history. When this book was first announced, several people on industry-only forums (the ones most of you guys don't get to see but where, apparently, publishers are supposed to bait one another) went completely over the top, claiming it was heralding the end of RPGs as a mass market medium, that female gamers would be turned away in droves and all sorts of other nonsense. One publisher even advised retailers that they should not stock this book, nor its twin, SG Rules Lawyers. Think about that for a moment - one publisher was actively going around telling people not to buy another publisher's book. If my mortgage did not depend on our books, that would have been really funny. . .

In short, I have heard enough rubbish about this book. We have had one complaint from someone who has actually read it which, considering sales, is rather good going. Slag this book off all you want - but please read it first. You don't even have to buy it. Just read it.

As for Gareth - you really need to take your head out of your rear end, mate. Please understand that your opinions do not impress me that much and I am getting rather tired of your attitude towards us across the industry forums. To bring your beef with us here beggars belief. If you have any salient points to raise, please contact me in private and I will do my level best to answer them.

Now that is over, many thanks to everyone who has supported us over the past 18 months or so. It is _very_ much appreciated and we are working hard not to let you down with future releases. Oh, and check out Slaine when you get a chance. No, it is not as funny as Female Gamers. But it has a lot more axes, Warp Spasms, witches and druidic rites (funny that this sort of subject material doesn't get anyone excited any more. . .).

Have fun gaming!

Matthew Sprange
Mongoose Publishing

Of all the book signings I've ever done, I think I signed more copies of this SG than anything else I've done, primarily for women, even more than The Munchkin's Guide to Powergaming. Anyone who even passingly knows me knows that I'm not sexist and frankly, I shouldn't have to defend myself against illiterate liars like this but, as a writer, it can't help but bother me when people get entirely the wrong end of the stick.

This is why I stopped going to RPGnet, too many kooks.
Global Frequency

Sorry, but you're being a cunt.

You know when you got drunk that time? Yeah? Embarrassed yourself and everyone around you and they all did that very British thing and acted like it wasn't happening and let you continue to make an arse of yourself? Today I'm the guy who gently reminded you not to shit in the sink.

You might be my friends, many of you, or at least passing acquaintances but - nonetheless - I find it shocking that pretty much any of my generation - Thatcher's Children - are remotely conservative. We lived through the wholesale dismantling of our birthrights from public ownership of essential infrastructure to milk for kids, which many of us were at the time. Maybe I'm immune to some peculiar ageing process that turns stand up, regular people into Norman Tebbit and makes them lose sympathy for other human beings or long term vision, but I find that especially fucking peculiar in the context of the current situation.

Will Wheaton says don't be a dick but I'm fucking British and we use swearing like punctu-fucking-ation and I'm telling you not to be a cunt.
  • When we look at the university fee issue I'm seeing people who I might otherwise respect sounding like Daily Mail headlines. I hear 'spoiled', I hear 'mollycoddled', I hear that old chestnut of 'scroungers'. Here's a tip, if what you're saying sounds like it's coming out of the mouth of Nigel Farrage or Jan Moir, you're a cunt.
  • If you've enjoyed a subsidised or grant-based higher education, and you're taking the side of the government or the filth, you're a cunt.
  • If you don't understand why this feels like such a betrayal by the Lib Dems and think they shouldn't have taken a stand on this, you're a cunt.
  • If you've got kids and you're taking the side of the government or the filth, you're a cunt.
  • If you don't understand that police provocation plays a major part in the misrepresentation of protesters here, or what the police have to gain by doing such when their own budget is under fire, you're a cunt.
  • If you don't understand that beating children and dragging people out of wheelchairs is unacceptable or that not letting people complete their protest is unacceptable or that kettling in the freezing cold without food or toilets causes an adverse reaction, you're a cunt.
  • If you think 'The Big Society' is going to work, you're a cunt who needs to read more Charles Dickens.
You might not be a total cunt, you might be a lovable cunt, you might be a cunt in the sense of 'Can I get you cunts a drink?' but you're still a disappointing cunt, even if I like you otherwise.

Are you going to continue to be a cunt as they paint the disabled as scroungers and malingerers? What about the unemployed? How long are you going to sit and take it without protest as important public services get scrapped and corporations and banks continue to be let off or bailed out? There might be a necessity to a lot of these bail outs but it's starting to take the fucking piss. What's more important, one millionaire or a million people in poverty?

I know in my social circle there's a lot of people with a variety of physical and mental issues, typically ones that are hard to confirm such as ME, fibro, chronic fatigue, manic depression and others that are amongst the ones most likely to get their money cut off or reduced with no better prospects of work than they had before. Are you going to be a cunt to them too? Are they mollycoddled, spoiled, over-entitled scroungers as well? With housing benefit being cut as well what are they supposed to do? Sell matches? Cater to the small disabled-fetish prostitution market?

What really fucking gets me is that some of you are complaining out one side of your mouth about the sense of entitlement and privilege these students apparently have and at the same time you're condemning the assault on the car of a glorified Toby Jug and Rod Hull impersonator who are two of the most coddled, protected and over-entitled fuckwits in the entire country. Is consistency too much to ask for here?

May I point out, as well, that these are not 'professional' protesters. They're not used to dealing with the police in this sort of context or being treated like this. Little wonder that most of them react as they do. May I also point out, before you start banging on about the student's selfishness or wanting a free ride at other people's expense, that most of them aren't protesting for their own sake but for that of coming generations. YOUR kids you ungrateful cunts.

Money isn't the only gauge of value in the world, we shouldn't commodify art or knowledge and yes, there's even cultural value to be had in a degree in fucking Klingon. Not everything is about money, not everything is about business and depriving people of higher education not only sabotages our knowledge base but also our cultural basis for the future.

Stop being cunts.

That goes for Wikileaks as well you fucking douchebag. They're trying to prosecute journalism as espionage. Does nobody see the dangerous precedent there? Freedom of speech and the press is vital to a democratic society, stop making excuses for the cunts who've been exposed as cunts...

...you cunt.

(Pic from Twitter and Boston.com, source of modded picture has long since scrolled into obscurity but I'll give credit if someone can tell me who to give it to)