Tags: cries for attention


Something you like, that you shouldn't.

Oh, so many things, presently or in the past...
  • Old fashioned turn-based computer RPGs.
  • Pinups & porn
  • BDSM imagery, especially in fantasy art.
  • Jon Norman's Gor novels.
  • Donna's bacon experiments.
  • The OLD World of Darkness
  • 4chan
  • Being the GM.
  • Many computer games that critics don't like.
  • Being shabby.
  • Being alone.

Of these, this last can get wearing and tends to cause eccentricity, but I do cope very well with being by myself and do like being able to have alone time much of the time. It gives one space to think - perhaps too much space - to consider and you don't have to worry about what anyone thinks of you for a time, which is nice.

Describe something that made you so happy or excited that you struggled to breathe.

This isn't a symptom of excitement that I get. I do get a racing heart and a feeling of heightened perception/tension but my breathing is generally OK. I don't scream or shout or show my appreciation for things in a way that would lead to shortness of breath - I'm BRITISH damn it!

A few things, I suppose, have made me 'vibrate with anticipation'.
  • Waiting in line to see The Empire Strikes Back (How I remember this I don't know, I can only have been five maybe...)
  • KNOWING I was 'on for sex' for the first time with my girlfriend at the time and waiting for her goddamn birthday party to quiet down so we could go to bed and screw like crazed rabbits.
  • Waiting for Donna to emerge from the gates at the airport.
  • The last day of primary school and waiting to escape from the clutches of the evil headmistress forever.
  • The run up to running my first London Camarilla game.
  • The five minutes before the doors open at a con, hoping people buy my stuff.
  • The gap between uploading a product and selling my first copy.

30 day challenge - Highs and lows of the last 30 days

Days blur together a bit when you spend them sat writing so lows are kind of hard to distinguish. My mood has been all over the place this month though finally seems to have settled on a new equilibrium. That has nothing to do with anything that's happened, just brain chemistry playing at silly buggers.

So lows... probably that one day I almost entirely slept through, morning noon and night, other than waking up to eat and veg about in the evening.

Highs? This last weekend, catching up with old friends and pootling around London.
Drop bears

30 daychallenge 27-29

A Problem that you've had
I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one. I think by this point everyone's well aware of the main problems bedevilling my life at the moment and I have no real desire to go into them all again for fear of seeming like a whiny bitch. If I have a new problem at the moment, it's probably that, not having anyone I feel I can burden with my problems or open up to, guilt free. This is why the NHS needs more/better mental healthcare facilities and people.

Something that you Miss
Having an active house with friends in and out of it every weekend staying over and doing things.

Goals for the next 30 days
  • Finish Sekrit Project No 1.
  • Start Sekrit Project No 2.
  • Finish SWING
  • Organise my next few projects into a usable order.
  • Have some kind of positive outcome from my next doctor visit.
  • See my Reading friends.
  • Be modest in my goal setting, my intentions usually outweigh my capacity to fulfil them.

30 day challenge Number 26 - Attraction

 What kind of person attracts me?

Looking back over my romantic history, such as it is, there is no common thread I can point at between the young ladies I've stepped out with or wished to have stepped out with.

I appear to have no particular 'type' in terms of body shape, secondary sexual characteristics, height or lack thereof, hair colour, personality, intellect or lack thereof, or anything else I can put a finger on.

When my hormones were just starting to putter into life I liked blonde girls, but that was pretty much because that was the accepted standard of beauty. Nothing to do with any personal taste - which hadn't developed yet. Later on in adolescent desperation the only criteria that was really needed was that they liked me, nothing else mattered really.

I've liked buxom and boyish, tall and short, nice and nasty, selfish and altruistic, busty and flat, curvy and railed, women of all racial types, intelligence and interests, bitches and angels.

The only unifying factor I can really think of is that most of them have been bad for me or 'damaged' in some way.

Still... married 10 years yesterday, so I must have got something right in the end.
Fucked up

30 day challenge number 25 - Someone who fascinates you, and why

Rene Magritte fascinates me and not just because he's one of the few famous Belgians to have existed. I like art but I frequently don't like artists, modern art (apart from Pop Art) often leaves me cold but I find Magritte's work endlessly fascinating. Despite the surrealism of the pieces they have an illustrative quality to them and an understated 'cool' that's hard to quantify. They're more like plates from a modern Alice in Wonderland or something similar and so I find I appreciate his work more than most artists I see in galleries.

Magritte's life and ways are also interesting and somewhat tragic. His mother committed suicide which, apocryphally, may have had something to do with his fascination for covered faces as she was drowned and, when she was retrieved her face was supposedly covered by cloth - a much repeated image in Magritte's work.

One particular thing I like about Magritte is that he would treat his art like a job. Getting up, putting on a suit and going to his easel for a 'work day' and then knocking off, like a regular working guy. Something which seems strangely admirable in an artist.

30 day Challenge - Your favourite movie and what it's about

I don't have a single, favourite movie. I like a lot of different movies very much indeed. Ones I go back to and watch again and again include Flash Gordon, Big Trouble in Little China, Star Wars, The Lord of the Rings, Brotherhood of the Wolf, Wizards and, of course, who can forget Naughty Schoolgirls Vol. III.

These are all a bit predictable though. Those who know me a little better know I have a penchant for Strange Days, the horribly dated sci-fi investigative thriller with Ralph Fiennes and Angela Bassett in it (she SO should have been Storm in the X-Men movies).

Ostensibly it's about mind-reading/playback technology where you can record experiences and emotions and play them back later on and the role that these have in uncovering a racial crime perpetrated by the LAPD and the actions of a serial killer. What it's about to me, however, is dwelling on the past, living on memories and hurt, not letting yourself get past something that went bad for you and, because your emotional wounds are so raw, letting wonderful things pass you by.

This is, perhaps, best summed up in Lenny's quote from the film:

Lenny: Have you ever been in love with someone who didn't return that love?
Mace: Yeah, Lenny, I have.
Lenny: It didn't stop you from loving them, right? Or being able to understand them or forgive them?

Lenny's character also resonates with me as a creative and as an RPG games master, he trades memories and experiences as as a writer and a GM that's also what I do with games. I often use this other quote in signature files for forums etc:

Lenny Nero: See... I can get you what you want, I can. I can get you anything, you just have to talk to me, you have to trust me. You can trust me, 'cause I'm your priest, I'm your shrink... I am you main connection to the switchboard of he soul. I'm the magic man... Santa Claus of the subconscious. You say it, you think it, you can have it.

30 day challenge - Number 23 - The Hotness

Fuck... pictures of people you find attractive who are famous? I don't generally think of celebrities that way, past the occasional 'phwoar' when it's pretty much in your face. 'Phwoar' isn't really the same thing as being attracted to someone though. Celebrities are all mask, false-front. It's their characters you find attractive more than them, you know nothing about them really and, given the amount of anti-semitic and other crazy rants people come out with lately, you might get a nasty shock.

I find normal people attractive. I'm more likely to have my eye attracted by a girl walking down the street than I am a model on a hoarding. Of course, then I get slapped up-side the head by my wife, so I've been Pavlovian conditioned not to find anything or anyone attractive. At the risk of further slappage, I'll say that I've also been blessed by a pretty attractive group of friends down the years and thereby spoilt for eye candy.

I guess I'd better show willing though, but keep in mind this is all based on physical appearance and portrayal, not the real person who I don't know and thus may find repugnant.
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30 day challenge - 21: One of your favourite shows

We're pretty selective with our TV and if it's on for wallpaper it's usually cartoons or cooking shows (or for me, the news). Those don't really count as favourite shows though.

What shows do I get interested and excited about... hmm...

Bones, Fringe, Lie to Me, it seems to be a running theme of eccentric geniuses but then that's also a theme that's running through television as a whole at the moment I suppose. There's a few other things such as Doctor Who but everything that's ever been said about Doctor Who has that pretty much covered and while I enjoy it - particularly since a decent writer took over - my formative Doctor is Tom Baker and as far as I'm concerned nothing can outdo him.

Bones it is then I guess.

It's just nice to see a rational protagonist and while she's a little socially dysfunctional it's not to the unbelievable extreme that some of the other, similar characters are on TV. I did like the lack of supernatural shenanigans, that she was pretty much always right (until the season before which was a bit disappointing) and somehow the romance between Brennan and Booth doesn't try my patience in the way that other series' handle the same sort of situation. It's a bit of a mystery why I like this show so much, I don't like other forensic procedurals like CSI etc but there's some combination of factors that makes Bones great for me.

Great and formative shows of my childhood/Adolescene would include...

Dr Who, Robin of Sherwood (dark haired Robin), Knightmare, Blake's Seven, Day of the Triffids (80s series version), The Adventure Game, The Great Egg Race, Number 73, Get Fresh, Round the Bend, Robotech, Voltron, Battle of the Planets, Mr Ben, Buck Rogers, Starfleet, The Muppet Show, Terrahawks, Stingray, Tomorrow's World, The Goodies, Monty Python's Flying Circus, The Mary Whitehouse Experience, The Kenny Everett Television Show, Jigsaw (terrifying), The Flumps, Bagpus, Ivor the Engine, Captain Pugwash, Jamie and his Magic Torch, The Perishers, Paddington Bear.

Is it really any wonder I turned out as I did?