Tags: catsploits


A Tale of two Fuzzies

The cat hasn't caught anything in quite a while. Generally he's been two busy sleeping on the bed, shedding his coat, purring, yowling randomly and shagging anything even faintly resembling a female cat - in a certain light, if you squint slightly and wish really hard.

Today though, something new.

First, instead of falling asleep on the bed and practising his cute poses to whore fish from us as he usually does, he stayed out. Until I quite suddenly heard thumping and purring and meowing coming from the hallway. Upon emerging I see something small and grey shooting past the cat into the living room.

'Uh oh.'

Thinks I, another poor helpless animal either being chewed or shagged to death by our intrepid moggy. With good deeds in mind I leap to the rescue, grabbing the cat and bundling him into the spare toilet (the one shattered and unusable - also thanks to the cat) and then back into the living room to see something not quite so small as I had thought run along the wall.

'Fuckin' 'ell! Its a rat!' says I falling on my arse in an effort to get the hell away from it, only to have the thing lollop past me making a b-line for 'under something too heavy for you to move'.

Yes, lollop.

Because it wasn't a rat, it was a baby bunny.

Swiftly I grabbed the poor thing and got it into a box with a blanky and some dandelion leaves.

Off to the wildlife sanctuary with Mr (or Mrs) bunny a bit later.

Why am I up at 8:30 on a Sunday?

I was awoken
By a single thunderclap
And a cuddly cat

At... one moment, let me check by delicate scientific equipment... STUPID o'clock this morning there was a single, deafening clap of thunder and the skies dumped what sounded like a huge bucket of rain on the ground all at once.  It didn't last long but the thunderclap was deafening and the cat, usually blase to such things, jumped onto the bed in terror and insisted on cuddling.  Since then I haven't been able to get back to sleep properly, though I had some strange dreams about rain.  The cat was content to cuddle at my feet (converting his weight to six tons in the process) until - and this is the really unusual part - I woke up before him.

I was tempted, momentarily, by the thought of revenge.  To claw at him, to knock his toys loudly onto the ground, to meow like a klaxon into his ear or to try and mate with his head (all tactics he uses to wake me up at 6am or earlier) but in the end they seemed like too much effort. Full of cheap catfood and drunk on catnip he has now lurched out into the morning light to terrorise birds, small mammals and female cats with equal measure, sort of like a furry, and cuter, Oliver Reed.

Leaving me, awake but tired.

Bloody weather.
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just me

Bastard Cat

Caught and mangled a pigeon.
I thought it was dead.
It isn't.
It MAY have a broken wing as after recovery period it still couldn't fly.

I've called the wildlife care centre people, but they haven't called back.
So its sat in a box, looking like a pigeon and the cat is exiled.

just me


Yes Charlie, you're a very cute cat, but rolling about on my tablet mewling doesn't let me get any work done.

No, nor does biting my ankles.