March 29th, 2011


In an attempt to continue to be open about my illness...

Things I'll be discussing with the doc later today:

Ongoing Symptoms


Most of these have been lessened.

  • Tiredness during the day. (Unchanged).
  • Physical exhaustion without cause. (Lessened).
  • Lack of concentration. (Lessened).
  • Depressed/suicidal thoughts at night/when not occupied. (Lessened but persist for long periods, week/fortnight at a time).
  • Feeling of detachment from surroundings. (New).
  • Increased libido/frustration. (Slightly lessened).
  • Periodic episodes of high energy/focus (1-2 days a month/approximately) – Manifested in extreme work-focus, lots of ideas/enthusiasm for projects, overextension as I want to get a lot done in the time that I feel ‘normal’. Trying to pace myself proves impossible and overextension results in genuine mental and physical exhaustion and a lot of work I’ve made for myself when this passes. (Newish, hard to tell whether this is simply feeling normal).
  • Overreaction to minor setbacks. (Lessened).
  • Social anxiety/avoidance/desire to be alone. (New, social interaction was helping before).
  • Aches and stiffness (hands, back, legs, esp when walking). (Lessened).

I’ve tried taking my medication at different times of day but it seems to make no difference to any of the above.


Describe something that made you so happy or excited that you struggled to breathe.

This isn't a symptom of excitement that I get. I do get a racing heart and a feeling of heightened perception/tension but my breathing is generally OK. I don't scream or shout or show my appreciation for things in a way that would lead to shortness of breath - I'm BRITISH damn it!

A few things, I suppose, have made me 'vibrate with anticipation'.
  • Waiting in line to see The Empire Strikes Back (How I remember this I don't know, I can only have been five maybe...)
  • KNOWING I was 'on for sex' for the first time with my girlfriend at the time and waiting for her goddamn birthday party to quiet down so we could go to bed and screw like crazed rabbits.
  • Waiting for Donna to emerge from the gates at the airport.
  • The last day of primary school and waiting to escape from the clutches of the evil headmistress forever.
  • The run up to running my first London Camarilla game.
  • The five minutes before the doors open at a con, hoping people buy my stuff.
  • The gap between uploading a product and selling my first copy.