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Where I have been and where I am going

I Went From Deist to Fundamentalist to Nihilist


I entered college with a moderate Pentecostal background, though I had not attended any churches in several years, except for weddings and funerals. Since early high school I considered myself somewhat of a deist. My freshman year of college I had been strong-armed into an engagement and desperately sought an out. A friend of mine was going to a Bible study and invited me along. This gave me an excuse to disentangle myself from the previous engagement. “What harm,” I thought, “Could this be?”

Later that night I became “born again” as a fundamentalist.

Now, to keep definitions clear, for this time period being fundamentalist involved believe the entire Bible was the infallible Word of God, and all authors of the books of the Bible were written by the supposed authors. The church I attended did not believe in street preaching. Once the fire chaplain, who was a pastor at the church I was attending, debated such a preacher at the student union and got the doofus to shut the hell up. They believed in faith and your own personal relationship with God as opposed to “religion” which was a strict set of rules. Works would not save; salvation game first, and through growing stronger in the faith you would do good works naturally because you would want to. Then faith and good works would go through of a cycle of making each other stronger.

In terms of social engagements they actually encouraged involvement and not to flaunt our beliefs, but to simply be an example of proper behavior. The theory was that if God was pressuring someone to come to Him the Holy Spirit would compel them to sense and come to you. However, they said your best friends should be fellow believers, to encourage each other in the faith. Translation: they wanted us to reinforce the world view on each other.

Until I had actually written the previous two paragraphs I had never thought of it all as a subtle, innocuous form of brainwashing.

Now, my spiritual armor had two major chinks in it. The first was attempts to find a loophole that would definitely say that masturbation was ok. The second was analysis of the New Testament. Matthew, Mark, and Luke had to have plagiarized each other heavily, had actually been driven by the Holy Spirit, and probability had thrown its hands in the air. Minor chinks included an uncomfortableness to witness to people when the chances arose and the straying from the straight and narrow when school was not in session and I was not seeing people from my church as often. I did not indulge in behavior contrary to the church’s teachings, but I also did very little to persuade others not to do such things.

One day I bumped into a friend of mine who I had not seen in a few years, and we sat down to talk. I mentioned that I been “Born Again”. Her response was along the lines of “Oh. Oh, that’s nice.” I nodded, not picking up on the subtlety at all and said, “Yeah, my problem is the entire lusting for women thing.” She replied, “Yeah, I have problems with that too.”


The beat was not because of understated declaration that she was a lesbian. The beat was because not one fiber of my body was looking at her as a sinner, but just as an old friend telling me she was a lesbian and that I didn’t really care.

I had realized that I didn’t really believe homosexuality was wrong. I was making myself think that I believed it to be wrong, but deep down it had all the moral importance of someone’s preference to Coke or Pepsi (I prefer Diet Coke, but if not available I’ll settle for Diet Pepsi, so maybe I’m bisexual or something.)

Once that realization hit I decided to re-evaluate everything. If homosexuality isn’t wrong, what else isn’t really wrong? The synaptic gospels? Oh, yeah, definitely plagiarism. How was Moses able to write about his own death and what happened afterwards? Whose numbers are right, Samuel’s or Chronicles’? Why was Jesus’s question about David addressing different people as Lord a stumper? If homosexuality isn’t wrong, what else isn’t really wrong? Why does Paul forbid women preachers in one letter, but praises a female preacher for her works in another?

I very quickly saw the Bible not as the “Word of God” but as “General Guidelines by Dead Men Who Want Us to Take Their Word for It That It’s From God.”

Flash forward a decade of further faith deconstruction, and I’ve concluded that I’m a positive nihilist.


And, for what it’s worth, I didn’t get there by anyone calling me stupid or insulting what I believed in or accusing me of anything.

I got there myself by challenging my own beliefs.

Of course, I am a math major with a philosophy minor, so I feel that I’m pretty good when it comes to going through logical arguments, and a lot of people out there are unable or unwilling to do that themselves.

So What The Hell I've Been Up To

1. Got a job as a math instructor.
2. Got married.
3. Got through a bout of alcoholism.
4. Got the role of Curriculum Chair of Mathematics.
5. Got two cats.
6. Got the touch.

Not really sure

For reasons quite unknown to even myself, I am trying to reconnect with old friends.

Still alive

I'm still alive and kicking.

Still teaching math.

Still married to Danihana.

Shoot me an email at cridermk@gmail.com if you want more info.

Oh hey there

How's it feel that Facebook has totally replaced you?

Dec. 29th, 2010

My life is a lie.

I like snow and ice more than fire and brimstone.

I'm Ignus. I'm a Frostnus.

I'm alive.

Diet Coke + Vodka > Diet Coke + Rum > Diet Coke + Crown Royal

12 Days of Christmas

On the twelfth day of Christmas, _gerald sent to me...
Twelve sorcerers whining
Eleven transformers writing
Ten demons a-painting
Nine biscuits drawing
Eight warlocks a-sleeping
Seven cartoons a-wrestling
Six predacons a-reading
Five blu-u-u-ueberry muffins
Four star wars
Three dinosaur comics
Two hawaiian shirts
...and a labyrinth in a bloom county.
Get your own Twelve Days:

A meme! Its been awhile.

Taken from Prezaurian

1) I'm going to post up a list of 20 books/movies/anime/TV shows/video games/bands that I've had an obsessive fannish love or interest in.
2) F-list, now you try and guess my favorite character/member from each item. (And just for kicks, try to figure out my fave pairing from it too. I will mention if I don't have a favorite pairing.).
3) If you guess correctly I will strike through the item and post who guessed it, my fave character, and fave pairing.

1. Star Wars Captain Vegeta and Prezaurian have half of it, Emperor Palpatine. So it's Emperor Palpatine x ??
2. Transformers (G1 Cartoon) Jawsisstuck has half of it, Galvatron. So it's Galvatron x ??
3. G.I. Joe (Comics)
4. Tombstone
5. The Lion King (No pairing) Danihana wins with Scar
6. The Dark Knight (No pairing) Danihana wins with The Joker
7. Watchmen Prezaurian has half of it with Rorschach. So it's Rorschach x ??
8. Rocky Horror Picture Show (No pairing) Captain Vegeta has it Dr. Frank-N-Furter.
9. Transformers (Live Action Movies)</strike> Captain Vegeta guessed Megatron x Starscream for #2, but they go here! They were a close second for #2, but not quite!
10. Futurama (No pairing) Prezaurian has it right with Robot Devil.
11. Ouran High School Host Club Danihana wins with Haruhi Fujioka and Tamaki Suoh
12. Murder, She Wrote (No pairing)
13. Lucky Star Danihana wins with Akari Kogami and Minoru Shiraishi
14. Forgotten Realms Campaign Setting (No pairing) Danihana wins with Cyric
15. Nightmare Before Christmas Danihana wins with Jack and Sally
16. Venture Brothers Danihana wins with The Monarch and Dr. Girlfriend
17. Metalocalypse (No pairing)
18. Beast Wars (No pairing) Prezaurian got one answer with Rampage. Anyone want to try to get the other?
19. Lord of the Rings (No pairing) Danihana got one answer with Gollum/Smeagol. Anyone want to try to get the others?
20. Dragonball Z (No pairing)Danihana got one answer with Brolli. Captain Vegeta got the other one with Buu.

Some of these are gonna be really easy. A few of them are gonna be really subtle.

Also, for the last three there are a couple of different answers for each, as some days its one and on other days its another.