Dear Stephanopolis Bigboobs,
You are going to the deepest, darkest, most dangerous jungle of the modern world. By jungle I mean Scotland.
Oh Stephanie, my beating heart will never cease. Think of me every time you sit down to your dinner of haggis and deep-fried mars bar*
. Weep when you remember all the good times™
we had talking about gay incest between demon hunters; the Petrellis; and the general unrequited love between baldies and superheroes. Cringe (omg, so mizz
) when you remember every time we came into contact with alcohol (the worst culprit, gin?).
Here are some fun times to remember:
- that time when 66.6% of your ex-boyfriends had turned gay.
- and the other 33.3% was Leon.
- that time that you took photos of me, Jade and Deepali pretending to be condoms on my trampoline.
- that time we used to hang out with James.
- all the times you bleached your hair into oblivion.
- talking about the shoebox project like it was a second religion/the answer to all our prayers.
- possibly forgetting the real harry potter books weren't fanfiction of the shoebox project (although this may have been just me).
- when I was Sandy Claws in the Nightmare Before Christmas.
- when I was Ed the hyena in the Lion King.
- When you were that dog in NBC, and then emerald had to pull the sleigh over. The cardboard sleigh.
- when Dumbledore came out of the closet. Homeboy was too fierce to be straight.
- when you and James got married.
- Rhys, in general.
- When we were the only two people slow dancing at the prom (too much vodka)
- that time when you got confused between a girl dressed as Nick Carter and actual Nick Carter.
So I shall stand on my fisherman's wife's galley, howling my sorrow at the cold harsh night. I will bravely wait for my sailor to return from the war with a 6 year-old and a vacuum cleaner.
I might come and visit you in ALASKA** because it will get awfully cold and boring and life will be hopeless, pointless, and ultimately fruitless without you.
*Can you bring me one of those back, plz?
** Possible exaggeration