March 19th, 2006

yay

in the eyes of perfection.

so, I drove around the apartment complex trying to find a connection. [its probably illegal, oh well] desperate times call for desperate measures.

I left today to stay with my parents for awhile. & i'm not going to bad mouth Kiel, i love him.. but things need to change. I need to feel what we felt a year ago.. I am desperately searching for that, & maybe with time it will come. I don't feel appreciated, I feel like i'm an annoyance.. and regardless of reasurance that i'm not, I still feel as though I am. I'm good at not sharing personal things online, and i'm pretty sure it should stay that way, but when i'm in need of reassurance you are who I come to. I love him with all my heart, and I don't want him to slip away from me. Hopefully i'm not wishing for something that's gone. I dont know. & i doubt he'll read this. Tonight is going to be rough, sleeping alone especially. I'm sure i'll be fine, it just sucks... it sucks that we even have to do this.

i'll miss our cuddles,
and my morning kiss.

but if doing this will resolve the things that AREN'T good, i'm willing to have at anything. -maybe this will end with tears. bye.