Log in

No account? Create an account
Go to sleep my little time bomb [entries|friends|calendar]
Elizabeth Sarah.

[ website | MYSPACE ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

so [29 May 2010|06:37am]
[ mood | weird ]

mitchell and i...somewhat mutually broke up a week ago today. i'm actually okay with that.

fucked inside out)

Tomorrow [13 Jul 2009|10:14am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Is the day that Chrissy, Corey, and I leave. We're hopping out of the train yard and headed to Montgomery, and then Birmingham. I think we're going through Memphis or Nashville...I'm not entirely sure. I don't know the directions or where the trains go because I've never done this before, but Lord have mercy I am so excited. I can't wait to head up north it is waaaay too fucking hot here. I am not, however, excited about cigarette prices. Ahh well, they are a luxury I suppose. I can't believe that I am actually doing this, that the time has actually come for me to leave. It all sounds so backwards to some people, but I seriously cannot wait to be homeless, and a vagabond. I cannot wait to see what it's like to have nothing except what I can fit in my pack on my back. I cannot wait to sleep under the stars, then having to wake up from a deep slumber to chase after a freight train to take me to where ever it is I want to go. I take so many things in my life for granted, especially money, and it's going to be a real eye opener when I'm living this lifestyle with absolutely nothing. I really truly believe you can't appreciate the true value of anything unless you have nothing at all. That's mostly what my journey is about. That, reinventing myself, seeing different states and towns, meeting new people, and drinking with those new people! I really need to get a camera a.s.a.p.

Tomorrow I chase freight trains with my best friend.
Tomorrow is going to be the day that changes the rest of my life.

(2 you wanna get| fucked inside out)

oh my goodness [05 Jul 2009|02:58pm]
that 2 c something or whatever that i took

INTENSE. hallucinated like fuck. i would do it again, but now i feel kinda sick. probably because i haven't eaten anything, or really slept. crazy. i haven't done shit like this in a long long time. it's nice to be free.
(3 you wanna get| fucked inside out)

I'm calling this home when it's not even close. [03 Jul 2009|04:48am]
[ mood | bars ]

My last day of work ended tonight at 12:00 am. It's so strange, knowing that I don't have a job, by choice obviously. I've worked almost every day for the last 2 and a half years. I was sad though. I love my job, I love my co-workers and managers, and I love the comfort and stability. I was nostalgic most of the night, and I cried when I got off. Albeit, it is nice to know that I have nothing to worry about right now. For once in my life, minus crazy relationships and men, and a job, I'm completely free. I now think I can begin to think clearly. This is a good thing.

I don't speak enough, or I say too much. The latter being my most recent annoyance. I find myself dwelling some where in between my own secluded world, and reality. I can't say that I realize much. So I'll take another swig of my drink, desperate to find some semblance of normality. It would be nice if I could get comfortable in this hiatus, but I don't like to stand still for too long. I think of you from time to time, more often than I should. Strangely, it's not in the context that anyone would expect. All those lazy summer days, cooped up in my bedroom, legs intertwined, with the sun parading outside the window, casting shadows through the blinds, uninvited, I still visit those memories. The loss of love is single-handedly the strangest thing I have ever experienced. How do people so calmly let their loved ones leave their life because they truly believe, or think that they know, that it is time? How do you decide that you want to love some one else? Is it just a decision or something that you knew all a long? And if you knew all a long, can you call that love? Or would you just be in denial? Or in love with the idea of love, and the warped perception of it? An endless stream of questions shroud me when I shroud myself in what I remember you smelling like..or how you still do, but I wouldn't know. I dedicated three years of my life to make sure that I never missed a moment of you, but now I miss all of them. Besides knowledge, what are we left with when a relationship ends? Sometimes I wonder if I would rather be blissfully ignorant, having never experienced this, or if I would rather be a person who doesn't have the capacity for loving any one after this. I take comfort in knowing that my love for you was way beyond your comprension. I don't know where I stand, but I sure as hell know where I fall.

fucked inside out)

lalalala [29 Jun 2009|02:23pm]
i have never felt this stuck in my entire life. no matter what i do my path is on a constant downward spiral and i just can't seem to break this cycle. i quit my job to go traveling, only a few days left. they said they'd save a spot for me for when i return, bless. my mind is so foggy i literally can't see. i can't think, at least not clearly. only partially happy, but who isn't? still love my first love, it hurts, but who doesn't? lalalalala i'm tired of speaking poetically, i just want to get to the damn point, take me seriously. excuse my word vomit on your new pair of shoes, i know this is not what you wore them for. i am the number one cause of my own pain. i might have lost my mind, but i was already insane. take comfort in what i know, but i thrive in what i don't. with you i lost control, but now i grip too tighly. sucking my own life out of me, out of you, not that there's much left. my body is numb to the dull and steady beating in my chest, with the pace that quickens when i know you're near. and i'm here and i'm here and i'm here i'm here to tell you that time does not heal all wounds, but running away does.

(1 you wanna get| fucked inside out)

just to let you all know [09 Jun 2009|06:27pm]
[ mood | STOKED ]

i've finally gathered up the courage (and enough reasons) to just up and go! i'm leaving with chrissy when she gets back from the phillipines. july 7th/8th, some where around there. i'm so fucking excited it's not even funny. to have nothing, no responsibilities, no where i have to be, no job i have to slave at, nor do i have to worry about gas prices, materialistic things, or any thing of the sort. i can be wherever i want to be at all times. we're hopping a train from here to nola, then from nola to chicago, over to indiana, then we're getting a ride to montana. after that hitting up milwaukee, portland oregon, washington, down through california and back around! it's going to be amazing. i'll be sure to take tons and tons of pictures. i won't be back for at least 3/4 months =]

fucked inside out)

[02 Jan 2009|03:23pm]
Happy Birthday Katya!

I love you, and I miss you.
(1 you wanna get| fucked inside out)

[26 Dec 2008|03:36pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

Need I mention how happy I am that Christmas is over? Ohh the stress is gone.

I totaled my Jeep Dec. 10th. I hydroplaned into the car in front of me. The car and I were both fine, but both my airbags deployed which totaled it. I'm getting $2800 back. I have $2600 left of the $3500 loan I took out to get the car. So I get to pay that off, and my credit union will put the difference in my checking account. Also, as soon as they receive the check I'm eligible for another loan up to $9000. I've already found the car I want. It's a 2001 Mazda Millenia. It's really pretty and the windows are already tinted too. It's advertised at $5500 but when Mitchell was talking to the guy on the phone he said he'd let it go for $4500. I'm gonna take out a thousand dollars over what I'm paying for the car so I can have some money in the bank. I'm really really excited. That damn check needs to hurry up!

Becauseeee school starts January 8th and I'm really really excited. I go Monday through Thursday and I have one online class.

ENGLISH COMP. 1 - ROOS - 12:00-1:15
Wednesday PUBLIC SPEAKING - EHRHARDT 10:30-11:45
ENGLISH COMP. 1 - ROOS - 12:00-1:15

and I'm taking Computer Concepts & Applications online.

Man I'm so glad my school is paid for. Books and everything. I'd hate to spend money on school I'm already broke enough.

Did I also mention how excited I am to start the new year?!?!

Mitchell and I's two year anniversary is January 12th =]

fucked inside out)

[09 Dec 2008|01:11am]
[ mood | enthralled ]

Monday December 8th, the love of my life, who I've been trying to work things out with since we broke up on April 27th, has asked for me back. I, of course, said yes. I am so unbelievably happy. Words can not even begin to explain how happy I am.

Which means...we'll be together for our "official" [although not TECHNICALLY] 2 year anniversary, on January 12th.

Thank you..thank you..thank you..

Life will finally get back to normal.


(1 you wanna get| fucked inside out)

hahahah [14 Nov 2008|03:48pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

a horse is a horse of course of course


how would any one want to see this staring back at them


check out them gumz and teeeeff

attractive right?? SIIIIKE!!!!

fucked inside out)

life lately [13 Nov 2008|10:02am]
has been wonderful!

i'm about to get a new job with chrissy making $11.50 an hour =]
i'm also about to get a new car and a new phone
i got a new kitten! i named her cairo like the city and she is just...absolutely adorable.
she's my little angel.

95% of the time i'm with chrissy and mason and i love it, because they are pretty much the realest/best friends i have excluding a few of course, and they know who they are. mitchell and i...well...we ended things again. he asked me to come over to talk about things so i went over there and pretty much told him we'd never be together again...annnnd he started crying. after he started crying, and what was said afterwards...i pretty much fell in love with him all over again. so we're taking things slow. fixing what was broken. working on our trust/respect/arguing issues. it's nice to have him back. i feel so content.

gotta sign up for spring classes! i'm going to be full time. i'm going to force myself to take early morning classes so i can get in the habit of starting my day early. with this new job it shouldn't be so hard because they won't expect me to work at much as whataburger does. i won't have to work as much because i'll be making $4.25 more than i'm making now. since i only took one class this semester i have to take summer classes but that's okay...it'll keep my mind fresh.

here are some pictures from halloween! i have more that are hard copies i'll post later.

She's like a spider waiting for the kill Collapse )
fucked inside out)

i definitely [14 Oct 2008|03:16am]
[ mood | nauseated ]

threw up in my mouth a little bit

fucked inside out)

first step [06 Oct 2008|03:21pm]
[ mood | complacent ]

is establishing that our feelings are the same....okay check...

now what do we do?

crazy little thing called love...

fucked inside out)

I've come to realize [28 Sep 2008|01:42pm]
That no matter what twists and turns my life takes, I'm the type of person that is always going to come out on top. Always.

And that's a very comforting thought.
fucked inside out)

Honestly [24 Sep 2008|11:40am]
[ mood | chipper ]

Your retort is so completely irrelevant it reveals how clueless you actually are. Pffttt

isn't this cool...

You entered: Elizabeth Geldbaugh

There are 18 letters in your name.
Those 18 letters total to 83
There are 7 vowels and 11 consonants in your name.

What your first name means:
Shakespearean Female 'King Richard III' Elizabeth, Queen to King Edward IV.
Hebrew Female My God is bountiful;God of plenty. Elizabeth was mother of John the Baptist in the bible. In England Queen Elizabeth I and II.One of the most frequently used names in England.
Greek Female From the Hebrew Elisheba, meaning either oath of God, or God is satisfaction. Famous bearer: Old Testament Elizabeth was mother of John the Baptist and one of the earliest known bearers of this name; Queen Elizabeth II.
English Female My God is bountiful;God of plenty. Elizabeth was mother of John the Baptist in the bible. In England Queen Elizabeth I and II. One of the most frequently used names in England.
Biblical Female The oath or fullness of God
Arthurian Legend Female Sister of Mark.

Your number is: 11

The characteristics of #11 are: High spiritual plane, intuitive, illumination, idealist, a dreamer.

The expression or destiny for #11:

Your Expression number is 11. The number 11 is the first of the master numbers. It is associated with idealistic concepts and rather spiritual issues. Accordingly, it is a number with potentials that are somewhat more difficult to live up to. You have the capacity to be inspirational, and the ability to lead merely by your own example. An inborn inner strength and awareness can make you an excellent teacher, social worker, philosopher, or advisor. No matter what area of work you pursue, you are very aware and sensitive to the highest sense of your environment. Your intuition is very strong; in fact, many psychic people and those involved in occult studies have the number 11 expression. You possess a good mind with keen analytical ability. Because of this you can probably succeed in most lines of work, however, you will do better and be happier outside of the business world. Oddly enough, even here you generally succeed, owing to your often original and unusual approach. Nonetheless, you are more content working with your ideals, rather than dollars and cents.

The positive aspect of the number 11 expression is an always idealistic attitude. Your thinking is long term, and you are able to grasp the far-reaching effects of actions and plans. You are disappointed by the shortsighted views of many of your contemporaries. You are deeply concerned and supportive of art, music, or of beauty in any form.

The negative attitudes associated with the number 11 expression include a continuous sense of nervous tension; you may be too sensitive and temperamental. You tend to dream a lot and may be more of a dreamer than a doer. Fantasy and reality sometimes become intermingled and you are sometimes very impractical. You tend to want to spread the illumination of your knowledge to others irrespective of their desire or need.

Your Soul Urge number is: 11

A Soul Urge number of 11 means:

With the 11 Soul Urge, much of your thinking and interests relate to the abstract, the spiritual, and utopian dreams. You are motivated toward idealistic concepts, and the sharing of your ideas and concepts with humanity. This number is not one that is giving in a material or a practical sense, but rather one who desires to help mankind with a more abstract commodity such as religion, spiritualism, occult studies, or even psychic abilities.

If you possess the positive 11 Soul Urge traits, you have a dream of the perfect world; you are highly idealistic and inspirational. Your inner strength and devotion to your beliefs are extremely strong. You have a very good mind that is especially well equipped to handle the higher, more abstract forms of thought.

If there is an excess of 11 energy in your makeup, you may possess some the negative 11 traits. There is a tendency for the 11 to produce considerable amounts of nervous tension which is bought on by a very high level of awareness. You may be too sensitive and overly emotional. In some cases, these sensitivities and emotions are quite repressed, and this tends to add even more to the sense of nervousness in the makeup.

The strong 11 is not a very practical person because of the extreme idealism; often, there is a degree of self-deception present. There is usually a rather fixed idea of right and wrong held by those showing strong 11 traits, and with this very often is a resulting attitude of inflexibility.

Your Inner Dream number is: 9

An Inner Dream number of 9 means:
You dream of being creative, intellectual, and universal; the selfless humanitarian. You understand the needy and want to help them. You would love to be a person people count on for support and advice.

I quite agree with that.

(2 you wanna get| fucked inside out)

all i gotta say is [22 Sep 2008|01:08pm]
once a whore..always a whore

ain't even see this comin
fucked inside out)

you're getting on my nerves [09 Sep 2008|10:24am]
College is nice. I had to completely redo my schedule. I accidentally signed up for Milton and Warrington classes, because no one in Guidance felt it was necessary to tell me to look for a P, M, or W next to my courses.

So now I don't go to school Mondays or Wednesdays.

Tuesdays and Thursdays:
9:00-10:15 Intermediate Algebra - Bloxom
10:30-11:45 Sociology - Sims
12:00-1:15 Behavioural Science - Maye

9:00-11:40 Computer Concepts and Applications - Kumar

All my teachers are great.

and HA!!
i hate drunk bitches, especially ones that are complete morons that obviously gain self confidence from drinking.
hellllllllllloooooooo mister ed
(1 you wanna get| fucked inside out)

oohhhh [19 Aug 2008|02:34am]
[ mood | cheerful ]

i'm starting my sleeve tomorrow at hula moon

superrrrrrrrrrr excited.

fucked inside out)

today [14 Aug 2008|03:38pm]
is my nineteenth birthday.

last years of being a teenager...depressing.

i keep on wondering where the hell my peter pan is! come on now.
neverland is looking awfully appealing at this point in time.

i'm still working at whataburger... a year and five months....

anyways. i start college august 25th at PJC.
i guess i'm pretty excited.
i got the Florida Gold Seal scholarship, so they're paying 75% of my tuition.
then this other company is sponsoring me, and they're paying whatever my scholarship doesn't.
plus a $425 book allowance.
i could have gone to UWF if i had my second year in spanish =[

Mondays and Wednesdays
9:00-10:15 General Psychology- Thorton
10:30-11:45 Intro Criminal Justice- Mann
12:00-1:40 Intermediate Algebra- Shoop

Tuesdays and Thursdays
12:00-1:15 English Comp 1.- McWhorter

12:00-1:40 Intermediate Algebra- Shoop
(8 you wanna get| fucked inside out)

[06 Aug 2008|03:24pm]
i plan on being single till i'm thirty

boys are just too much work

why do i prefer doing the chasing?
fucked inside out)

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]