Tags: tv

Evanescence

The L Word... & Rambling

Well I just did my side bar just used mostly things from my myspace easier and saved time :) I might change it but for now it'll do. The next step is my profile area but one step at a time. I finally been watching the L Word season 3 i've been actually staying up till around 6:30am watching it! I'm almost done I have 5 more ep. to go! But I'm not watching it tonight after I write this then off to bed since its already 4:30am again! I swear having insomina sucks! It's so unhealthy and I've tried everything I just can't seem to change my sleep clock :( I don't have showtime so I looked on you tube for the L Word season 4 and I found the first 2 ep I'm so excited but I have to first finsh season 3 lol but now I know i have that to look forward to. I kind of know what happens from my friends though! They change actress to fast for my liking but I'm just grateful Helena and Shane are still on they are my fav :) After them comes Carmen and Alice. Ok enough about the L word lol First week down at grad school its a lot like under grad your just taking classes in your area. I really miss my old college alot its so different. And like I siad in my other post every one knows each other and I feel very left out but hopefully i'll make friends. THey are very clicky! But right now I'm just focusing on passing as you can't get anything lower then a B in every class! I'm nervouse for that. My class I have on Monday's there's no tests just papers and if you dont like your grade you can redo them. My Group class seems' fun and kind of easy its alot like group dynamics which I had in undergrad and I'm taking Abnormal again they just use a fancy name for it. This is honestly my 4th time taking it! Once at my first college and since they didnt transfer it I took it again at my other college but I droped out the first time I took it but it was almost half way into the semester and then I took again last summer and now again! But I dont mind because its my favorite psyc class I love the abnormal area being I'm abnormal lmao. i haven't spoken to my therapist in almost 2 weeks i'm not happy about that. I finally see my med doc on saturday so thats good not like she's gonna change anything lol. I'm suppose to meet a girl Saturday that my friend is setting me up with but i'm not sure its 100% yet didnt talk to her tonight. So we'll see what happens. :) I'm nervouse but excited as i'm ready for a relationship as its been forever and a day and watching the L word that will do it to you lol seeing all those hot girls it drives a lesbian nuts haha. Feel free to friend me on myspace if you want! THe link is my website! Today was one of those days were everything goes wrong lol. I woke up late for class didnt hear my alarm and then I had to speed there in the traffic I swear no one knows how to drive. I"m not liking this drive but i have no choice. I finally get to class and I have dance Thursday nights at 8:30 well he let us out late great! I then had to run to the book store and made sure I had enough money for them, I didn't get one of them but I had to get them tonight since I'm not there again til Monday and I have hw to do. It was then 8:40pm when I left teh college and I knew I was low on gas but I said ah I'll worry about it after dance, well on my way there almost there my gas light goes on and I get very nervouse as my gas tank is very small. So I got ouff at the first exit and I didnt know were I was. I couldn't find any to be found I drove around there for about 5 minutes and then got back onto the highway. Well I then got off the next exit and I finally found a gas station but I first drove up it was out of order, then the next one was diesel so i drove around to the other side and i was walking to pay when I saw it had no handle to pump the gas I was so mad lol I was still trying to make dance at this point, but I soon gave up. I finally got my gas and then I got lost again trying to get onto the highway and I ended up near Pilgrim state in the pitch darkness lol. It was a very eventful night you may say but I was so happy to finally be home. The next stress is meeting with the finical aid people to get money for school. I need to see other options as I found out the college is alot of money! I knew it was going to be Hofstra the other college I could've went to is even more. But, thats life! 

I suppose thats it for tonight i'm gonna go try and get some sleep. I have alot of reading to do this weekend. And now that my hands are about to break off i'm saying good night!

<3 Danielle

so alone... so BORED

Today I did nothing... I was suppose to see Dee but since we aren't talking anymore well that went out of the drain... I woke up really angry and depressed today. Its sad that I never know what mood I'm going to wake up in :( Like right now its almost 2:30am and I'm still blah and now I have a headache *sigh* I did nothing al day well night since I woke up at 4:00pm then I went downstairs to get my meds and then I went back to sleep from 5-7pm woke up and layed in bed watching tv from 7-9pm then I finally decided to make dinner... and now here I sit. I've been making CD's for my car... dont know just got the urge to do that. I have to get up tomorrow to student teach dance but then I usually come home and go back to sleep. 

My therapist finally called me thursday. I haven't called her back I'm going to leave her a message to see if I can see her tomorrow or Sunday or whatever. She just said that she had alot of crap going on with her other clients and what not... I love how she just shoves me aside whatever. She's upset with me since I've spirlled down like I wanted to?? Ya I just love this fucking horrid feeling... Ya ok! This all just really sucks plain and simple it SUCKS! Just the thought of sex or kissing or watching anyone on TV kissing or what not makes me think of Dee and then it makes me think of my ex gf and then it just makes me even more depressed and lonely. Someone wrote me a comment in my last entry about revolving my happiness around other people... the thing is its been almost a year since I've been single and I don't like it! I had a year to regroup my thoughts and feelings and then I finally opened myself up to someone and then bam they fucking fuck me over in every shape way and form. and now im' right back to where i started! I just wnat someone normal and every time i think about it I just fear of being alone that much more. I dont want to spend my life alone and miserable whats the fucking point? I'm not the type of person to be happy alone I dont like being alone all the time. But people don't seem to understand this!!! Whats so hard to understand??? *sigh* I'm suppose to hang out with my Friend D and her ex gf tomorrow so we'll see how tha goes... I really wish I could turn back the clock and just fix all this shit. I wish my mind would shut off and I can forget about all this drama bull crap and i really wish I didnt wear my heart on my god damn sleeve because this always happens to me!!! Why the hell did I have to like her so damn much??? WHY??? UGH whatever... its my own damn fault! I've been putting personal's up on every website i can find for lesbians... I'm such a loser I know! I'm not desperate really I'm just lonely and I hate not having a partner to share things with... espically love and happiness ect... *sigh* 

Well I suppose thats all for now... I gotta try and sleep even though I"m not even tired blah I slept to much today! If anyone has any songs that you think I'd like please let me know I"m looking for new songs to dl. One good thing is Evanescence's new CD comes out Tuesday even thought I already have it but I want the real thing in my hand! So I look forward to that even though I'm broke... its so worth the money though! Well tahts enough babbling for tonight!