Tags: tired

Angelina Jolie *Lesbian*

Tired.. Don't Feel Good.. Stressed :(

Well school is almost over this semester can't belive it! It's over beginning of May but after Spring break which is next week we only have about 4 weeks left. I have alot to do in these short few weeks left. Papers, finals, and more papers. The end of the semester always creep's up so fast but it's like bam you have tons 2 do that you left for the last minute lol thats me! Always the last minute. I'm really tired today and feel really emotionally drained for some reason. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I've had my period for six weeks! I need to go on birth control but I just haven't called up a gyno to make an apt. I also need to get a new gyno so it's going to be annoying since they dont know my history ect. And to go in with a period its just gross. Blah. Next week is finally Spring break but I have nothing planned but school work. I also have to try and get more things done around the townhouse so we can put it up for sale as were moving. Were I have no idea! I do plan on moving to florida after I graduate grad school. I'm done with NY there's nothing here for me, I hate the snow and the cold and I need a change I think. Maybe I'll meet a girl there *cough ya right* but you never know. I gave up looking for someone came to the conclusion that I'll most probably be alone forever mabye I'll just be with a man like WIll and Grace lol I dont want to be alone I really don't but you can't make someone want you, you know? It seem's that now a day's everyone has a gf but me, I'm always the other wheel. THe 3rd wheel, 5th wheel and so on, its not fun I'll tell you that much. I just watched the L word season finale and I cried, I cried because it's the last one lol and also bc it gets me thinking about my own life. I am so sick of being alone, watching my life past me by and having no one in it. I hardly see my friend's these day's as they are always in a "mood" I also have no money to do anything which doesn't help. My head is pounding right now :( Blah If anyone has anyone in mind I can meet please let me know lol I always wonder if I was skinny would i still be alone? I really want a lap band, I've been looking into it again. My health is so bad though they would most probably never clear me for surgery. With having my period for 6 weeks, not sleeping right, my spleen has been inflamed, and so on... My life is so boring right now its like at a boring stage, Ya I'm in grad school but that's about it. THese are the "best" years of our life ya right! My life was alot better when I was younger and I thought it was bad then, if only i knew what it would be today! I would probably of done things differently. Its really strange how back then I had a lot of girls emaling me, meeting them ect. There was one time in my life (age 19) I met a different girl on a date once a week! Now I haven't met anyone since Dee and that was like September. Like I said I've given up, but there is only so long someone can be alone! Were a world that we need other's, we need to be loved and feel loved and have a meaningful relationship. Oh well... I guess were not all here to be loved and to have someone to love...

Update... Nothing Special

Well, I was having major computer prolems once again. I had to restore the factory savings and wipe out the whole C drive. Took about two nights to get it all finshed. I've been meaning to update, but I just haven't had alot of time nor the energy to write. Alot has been going on with me physically now more then mentally. School is amazing but ALOT of work! I got a 90% on my first Graduate Test and a B on my fist paper. We are alowed to resbumit it if we want a better grade and that is what i'll be working on this weekend! I had a test last night and one tonight *cough it's 5am* I just finshed studying. Hm well I need to see a doctor like YESTERDAY! I've had my period now for 4 weeks and I just can't sleep. I've tried EVERY sleep med over the counter and RX and none have worked for me. I know there' something def wrong with me but I'm just really scared to find out what it is! It's scary but I know it needs to be done! I found a few that take my insurance so I just have to call them. I know somethings wrong wtih me becaue my body doesn't heal common cuts like I got a cut on my finger from my own finger nail and its been a week and still red and just scabed. My immune system is shut I know that much. My sleep cycle is all messed up and I feel like shit physically. But, it takes away from the mental crap even though these day's tehre hasn't been much mental going on which is great. Um my sister is preg. and she is having another boy. SHe wasn't to happy about that, but that's life lol. Um were getting our townhouse ready to put up for sale. We need to sell so we can pay off our debt my mom and I are in over our head's with debt. It's a huge stress that we both don't need right now as she's not physically well either. I'm having Disney World withdrawls but my mom promised we can go when we sell our house! My Undergrad graduation is coming up it's in May and I'm pretty excited about that, I'm thinking if I want to have a small type party but i'm not 100% sure because I dont think my fam will come even though im' the first to graduate from undergrad and the first one in my family in garduate school. I also dont have alot of friend to invite but we'll see as its not till the end of May. June is a busy month for everyone though so I dont know when we'd do it. Hmm I don't think there's much else going on right now besides the physical crap and the business of school. I've been trying to go out on teh weekend's as much as possible as my social life was at a stand still for a few months but its getting back on track. I do have a crush on a girl but she like's boy type girls so that doesn't help me, but she's in my "group" of friends and so we'll see what happens down the line. Right now I'm not even to worried about finding someone, if someone is out here then they will find me. Everyone said to stop looking as it won't happen. Yes I dont like being "alone" and yes i miss being with someone physically, sexually and all that jazz but you can't make someone appear out of thin air you know? Shrugs we'll see what happens. People just started asking me if I found someone, it has been a year since Mary adn I broke up.. I can't believe its a year, At times it feel's like it was just yesterday and at other time's it feel's like it was years ago! This fall I might be starting my first internship i'm excited and nervouse at the same time. I really need to fix myself physically before I can do anything. I guess that's about it for today as I should be sleeping! I have to be at school earlier tomorrow so I can take my test. I get extra time so i go earlier then the norm time. So instead of being there at 5:30 I gotta be there by 4:30pm. The drive is really a killer though! It's 45-60 minutes away. THe drive there is the stress because I'm always running late. Thank god its only 3 days a week right now. 30 miles one way is alot ! But I have no choice! 

I have a few new pic's I took a few week's ago I'll post them haha

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Well, that's it! Thanks for reading :)
Amy Lee- Mickey Mouse

My Interests Collage!

I saw this from my friend's LJ and I thought it was so cool! I am now up at almost 7am *didnt go to bed yet* updating my profile to make this! Then I had to find the perfect image ect... SO you better comment after seeing this lol :) Ok FINALLY going to sleep god! But this was fun :) You can def learn alot about the person aftering viewing their collage :) Collapse )
Create your own! Originally Written By ga_woo, Hosted and ReWritten by darkman424
Evanescence

The L Word... & Rambling

Well I just did my side bar just used mostly things from my myspace easier and saved time :) I might change it but for now it'll do. The next step is my profile area but one step at a time. I finally been watching the L Word season 3 i've been actually staying up till around 6:30am watching it! I'm almost done I have 5 more ep. to go! But I'm not watching it tonight after I write this then off to bed since its already 4:30am again! I swear having insomina sucks! It's so unhealthy and I've tried everything I just can't seem to change my sleep clock :( I don't have showtime so I looked on you tube for the L Word season 4 and I found the first 2 ep I'm so excited but I have to first finsh season 3 lol but now I know i have that to look forward to. I kind of know what happens from my friends though! They change actress to fast for my liking but I'm just grateful Helena and Shane are still on they are my fav :) After them comes Carmen and Alice. Ok enough about the L word lol First week down at grad school its a lot like under grad your just taking classes in your area. I really miss my old college alot its so different. And like I siad in my other post every one knows each other and I feel very left out but hopefully i'll make friends. THey are very clicky! But right now I'm just focusing on passing as you can't get anything lower then a B in every class! I'm nervouse for that. My class I have on Monday's there's no tests just papers and if you dont like your grade you can redo them. My Group class seems' fun and kind of easy its alot like group dynamics which I had in undergrad and I'm taking Abnormal again they just use a fancy name for it. This is honestly my 4th time taking it! Once at my first college and since they didnt transfer it I took it again at my other college but I droped out the first time I took it but it was almost half way into the semester and then I took again last summer and now again! But I dont mind because its my favorite psyc class I love the abnormal area being I'm abnormal lmao. i haven't spoken to my therapist in almost 2 weeks i'm not happy about that. I finally see my med doc on saturday so thats good not like she's gonna change anything lol. I'm suppose to meet a girl Saturday that my friend is setting me up with but i'm not sure its 100% yet didnt talk to her tonight. So we'll see what happens. :) I'm nervouse but excited as i'm ready for a relationship as its been forever and a day and watching the L word that will do it to you lol seeing all those hot girls it drives a lesbian nuts haha. Feel free to friend me on myspace if you want! THe link is my website! Today was one of those days were everything goes wrong lol. I woke up late for class didnt hear my alarm and then I had to speed there in the traffic I swear no one knows how to drive. I"m not liking this drive but i have no choice. I finally get to class and I have dance Thursday nights at 8:30 well he let us out late great! I then had to run to the book store and made sure I had enough money for them, I didn't get one of them but I had to get them tonight since I'm not there again til Monday and I have hw to do. It was then 8:40pm when I left teh college and I knew I was low on gas but I said ah I'll worry about it after dance, well on my way there almost there my gas light goes on and I get very nervouse as my gas tank is very small. So I got ouff at the first exit and I didnt know were I was. I couldn't find any to be found I drove around there for about 5 minutes and then got back onto the highway. Well I then got off the next exit and I finally found a gas station but I first drove up it was out of order, then the next one was diesel so i drove around to the other side and i was walking to pay when I saw it had no handle to pump the gas I was so mad lol I was still trying to make dance at this point, but I soon gave up. I finally got my gas and then I got lost again trying to get onto the highway and I ended up near Pilgrim state in the pitch darkness lol. It was a very eventful night you may say but I was so happy to finally be home. The next stress is meeting with the finical aid people to get money for school. I need to see other options as I found out the college is alot of money! I knew it was going to be Hofstra the other college I could've went to is even more. But, thats life! 

I suppose thats it for tonight i'm gonna go try and get some sleep. I have alot of reading to do this weekend. And now that my hands are about to break off i'm saying good night!

<3 Danielle

so alone... so BORED

Today I did nothing... I was suppose to see Dee but since we aren't talking anymore well that went out of the drain... I woke up really angry and depressed today. Its sad that I never know what mood I'm going to wake up in :( Like right now its almost 2:30am and I'm still blah and now I have a headache *sigh* I did nothing al day well night since I woke up at 4:00pm then I went downstairs to get my meds and then I went back to sleep from 5-7pm woke up and layed in bed watching tv from 7-9pm then I finally decided to make dinner... and now here I sit. I've been making CD's for my car... dont know just got the urge to do that. I have to get up tomorrow to student teach dance but then I usually come home and go back to sleep. 

My therapist finally called me thursday. I haven't called her back I'm going to leave her a message to see if I can see her tomorrow or Sunday or whatever. She just said that she had alot of crap going on with her other clients and what not... I love how she just shoves me aside whatever. She's upset with me since I've spirlled down like I wanted to?? Ya I just love this fucking horrid feeling... Ya ok! This all just really sucks plain and simple it SUCKS! Just the thought of sex or kissing or watching anyone on TV kissing or what not makes me think of Dee and then it makes me think of my ex gf and then it just makes me even more depressed and lonely. Someone wrote me a comment in my last entry about revolving my happiness around other people... the thing is its been almost a year since I've been single and I don't like it! I had a year to regroup my thoughts and feelings and then I finally opened myself up to someone and then bam they fucking fuck me over in every shape way and form. and now im' right back to where i started! I just wnat someone normal and every time i think about it I just fear of being alone that much more. I dont want to spend my life alone and miserable whats the fucking point? I'm not the type of person to be happy alone I dont like being alone all the time. But people don't seem to understand this!!! Whats so hard to understand??? *sigh* I'm suppose to hang out with my Friend D and her ex gf tomorrow so we'll see how tha goes... I really wish I could turn back the clock and just fix all this shit. I wish my mind would shut off and I can forget about all this drama bull crap and i really wish I didnt wear my heart on my god damn sleeve because this always happens to me!!! Why the hell did I have to like her so damn much??? WHY??? UGH whatever... its my own damn fault! I've been putting personal's up on every website i can find for lesbians... I'm such a loser I know! I'm not desperate really I'm just lonely and I hate not having a partner to share things with... espically love and happiness ect... *sigh* 

Well I suppose thats all for now... I gotta try and sleep even though I"m not even tired blah I slept to much today! If anyone has any songs that you think I'd like please let me know I"m looking for new songs to dl. One good thing is Evanescence's new CD comes out Tuesday even thought I already have it but I want the real thing in my hand! So I look forward to that even though I'm broke... its so worth the money though! Well tahts enough babbling for tonight!