Tags: life

Angelina Jolie *Lesbian*

My Advice To YOU!

Never fall in love with a girl that isn't ready to commit to you.

Never give your heart away when they aren't ready to commit to you.

You'll only be left standing there asking yourself questions and questioning yourself, "am I not good enough" "what do they want that I can't give?"

So I sit here tonight pondering these questions over and over inside my head.

She say's she's not ready to commit and I respect that.

She say's she's never be single... and now I know why! Because she is so amazing, loving caring and the best thing to come into my life!

The thought of losing her drives me mad, but I have to let nature take's it's course and hope for the best...

I just hope...

 that in the end I will be the one...

to win her heart.

to hold her heart in the palm of my hand and protect it from this cruel world.

I will be the only one that she wakes up to every morning and goes to sleep with every night.

I will be the only one she says that she loves and misses and wants.

I will be the only lips she kisses and the only heart she hears next to hers.

I will be the only person she holds.

But, for right now all I can do is hope and wait.... I'll wait the rest of my life if I have to because she is the one.

She is the soulmate for me, my love, my happiness.

When I am with her I feel whole, happy and calm. I love being with her and the moment I leave I miss her!

You may call it puppy love, but I've been around the block way to many times and I know that this is WAY more then puppy love!

So my advice to you is, wait... wait for the one even if it makes your heartache with the thought of someone else touching, kissing and holding your baby.

I CAME TO THE CONCLUSION...

That 

1. I'm not fully depressed/suicidal until I cry! I NEVER cry and tonight I cried! I cried so hard I cuoldn't breath. and doing this while driving was not a GOOD idea! I couldn't see everything was a blur but I got home in one piece... It did take every ounce of me not to crash into a tree or drive off a birdge. Ya really emo but fuck I dont care i'm in a emo mood and everyone is allowed to be in a emo mood. I'm sick of people passing judgments just because I want to cry and feel depressed! They can pass judgment after they walk in my shoes but until then fuck them!

2. I can't watch Lesbian based story movies when I'm single... Tonight my friend D, her gf and I rented 2 movies. THe first one was Loving Annabelle well wrong choice on my part as I picked it! Not knowing I was going to turn all "emo" as the slightest thought of the movie makes tears whell in my eyes. I'm so sick of it, I'm sick of feeling like this. I"m sick of being so alone and so unwanted I can't take it anymore. It doesn't help when your friend and her gf are cuddling next to you. I can't take this anymore! I'm not watching any more Lesbian movies when I'm single I can't handle it. I'm going to be 24 and I can't fucking handle watching a movie how abnormal!!! But, its better then feeling like this! It just triggered way to much and I couldn't handle it. I also couldn't cry in front of them it wasnt' even that sad of a movie but I couldn't take it. After we watched Little Miss Sunshine which helped for the time being. They both fell asleep as soon as the movie ended I left and I cried the whole way home and now here I am feeling sorry for myself. I feel sick! 

3. no one wants me... 

4. as each year goes by things just get worse instead of better! I'm going to be 24 in 20 days and this year has sucked! 

I suppose thats it... wouldn't this be funny if this was a suicide letter lol ya not funny but hey whatever.

Update... Nothing Special

Well, I was having major computer prolems once again. I had to restore the factory savings and wipe out the whole C drive. Took about two nights to get it all finshed. I've been meaning to update, but I just haven't had alot of time nor the energy to write. Alot has been going on with me physically now more then mentally. School is amazing but ALOT of work! I got a 90% on my first Graduate Test and a B on my fist paper. We are alowed to resbumit it if we want a better grade and that is what i'll be working on this weekend! I had a test last night and one tonight *cough it's 5am* I just finshed studying. Hm well I need to see a doctor like YESTERDAY! I've had my period now for 4 weeks and I just can't sleep. I've tried EVERY sleep med over the counter and RX and none have worked for me. I know there' something def wrong with me but I'm just really scared to find out what it is! It's scary but I know it needs to be done! I found a few that take my insurance so I just have to call them. I know somethings wrong wtih me becaue my body doesn't heal common cuts like I got a cut on my finger from my own finger nail and its been a week and still red and just scabed. My immune system is shut I know that much. My sleep cycle is all messed up and I feel like shit physically. But, it takes away from the mental crap even though these day's tehre hasn't been much mental going on which is great. Um my sister is preg. and she is having another boy. SHe wasn't to happy about that, but that's life lol. Um were getting our townhouse ready to put up for sale. We need to sell so we can pay off our debt my mom and I are in over our head's with debt. It's a huge stress that we both don't need right now as she's not physically well either. I'm having Disney World withdrawls but my mom promised we can go when we sell our house! My Undergrad graduation is coming up it's in May and I'm pretty excited about that, I'm thinking if I want to have a small type party but i'm not 100% sure because I dont think my fam will come even though im' the first to graduate from undergrad and the first one in my family in garduate school. I also dont have alot of friend to invite but we'll see as its not till the end of May. June is a busy month for everyone though so I dont know when we'd do it. Hmm I don't think there's much else going on right now besides the physical crap and the business of school. I've been trying to go out on teh weekend's as much as possible as my social life was at a stand still for a few months but its getting back on track. I do have a crush on a girl but she like's boy type girls so that doesn't help me, but she's in my "group" of friends and so we'll see what happens down the line. Right now I'm not even to worried about finding someone, if someone is out here then they will find me. Everyone said to stop looking as it won't happen. Yes I dont like being "alone" and yes i miss being with someone physically, sexually and all that jazz but you can't make someone appear out of thin air you know? Shrugs we'll see what happens. People just started asking me if I found someone, it has been a year since Mary adn I broke up.. I can't believe its a year, At times it feel's like it was just yesterday and at other time's it feel's like it was years ago! This fall I might be starting my first internship i'm excited and nervouse at the same time. I really need to fix myself physically before I can do anything. I guess that's about it for today as I should be sleeping! I have to be at school earlier tomorrow so I can take my test. I get extra time so i go earlier then the norm time. So instead of being there at 5:30 I gotta be there by 4:30pm. The drive is really a killer though! It's 45-60 minutes away. THe drive there is the stress because I'm always running late. Thank god its only 3 days a week right now. 30 miles one way is alot ! But I have no choice! 

I have a few new pic's I took a few week's ago I'll post them haha

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Well, that's it! Thanks for reading :)